If you set it free and it comes back to you, does that mean it’s yours to keep?  What if you’re the one who flew away?  If it’s there when you’re ready to come home – can you stay forever?

BOOM!

OOORRRR maybe it’s not quite like that.  It’s more like this

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

What??  Changing long time personal habits can be kind of a slow process!!!!

hahahaha. :)  But what if all of those fears you had before – you know – the ones that made you doubt what he said? the ones that made you scared to risk your heart? well, what if you were wrong?

What does this all mean?  I’m not sure either.  I only know that:

 ”No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth.” – Robert Southey

Happy New Year!  Has it really been a year?  So much has happened!!! Yet we pick up, almost, as if nothing has… and here we are – same holiday, same time, same place.  We laugh.  Is it possible?

Yes.

I couldn’t wait another day.

It’s kind of trippy to see Katy Perry as a senior citizen. :-o It’s also kind of trippy when someone from your past starts haunting your thoughts. Want to know what ELSE is ALSO trippy??  Too bad. :)  I’m going to tell you anyway.  :)  It’s ALSO trippy when you realize they never left your thoughts, you just couldn’t entertain those thoughts until now. :-o

AAANNNDDD I seriously watch WAY too much ghost whisperer because I thought “Katy Perry has a ghost!!!! Better call Melinda Gordon STAT!” when I saw the end of this video.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok so maybe I didn’t really think THAT exactly. :) but I DID think GHOST WHISPERER when he went to touch her hand. :-o

I heart me some tourist for shizzle.   I heart me that song too. *happy sigh*  Did anyone else fall in love with this plot and movie? And has anyone else gone back to an old cell phone record/bill in order to find a number they deleted so that they could UN-delete it? :) :)

WHAT?? Who said that I did that? You must be craaaazzeee. I meant like “anyone else” as in like anyone besides the any ONE person who MIGHT have done that and who probably ONLY did that because the owner of said number deleted his OR her facebook account but who definitely wasn’t me – umm – yeah. :) haha. Because ME, MYSELF AND I?? I only went back to the cell phone record to CONFIRM that the number sitting in the “trash” of my verizon wireless back-up assistant was the number I really WAS looking for. ;) haha. (which btw – I didn’t even KNOW Verizon kept my trashed numbers until tonight!!! can I get another “craaaaazzeeeee” please? cuz that is CRAAAAAAAZZEEEE! good news.) hahahaha!!!!

So yeah… It felt pretty stalkerish to go back and look up a number in the past. :-o But it’s late – I’m tired – I’m feeling a touch loopy and yeah – YAY – yeah – I did what had to be du-du-du-done. Pound Pound PEACE!

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” – E. E. Cummings

He did that for me.

We have got to stop meeting like this. ;)  Late at night.  Too tired to think straight.  Eating a dark chocolate orange ball. *SMACK!  SMACK!* That’s the sound of my Terry’s Dark Chocolate Orange, as always, splitting into perfect pieces.  *happy sigh*

It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to realize J-doo-da and I broke up.  Who’s J-doo-da?  Oh, you know, ;) just the guy that I was dating this past year. :) My big mistake AND the inspiration for my new break-up playlist.  YAY!!!

haha!!

“There’s a side of you that I never knew .. and the things you said they were never true.”

AAANNNDDD let’s be honest, “I kind of always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend.” :-o though I DO wonder… ”Why’d you have to go and pick me? When you KNEW that we were different COMPLETELY!! … but I should have thought about that before we kissed..” haha! :)  Oh Gwen – you rock.

And we ALL know that “I can’t stand the restrictions. I find myself trying to change you, if you were meant to be my lover I wouldn’t have to…” *gasp!*

“Easy come, Easy go, that’s just how you live, take take take it all but you never give. Should have known you were trouble from the first kiss… ”

Wait a minute – Bruno Mars did you read my journal?? ;)

“Black Black, Black and Blue, beat me til I’m numb. Tell the devil I say “Hey” when you get back from where you’re from… ”

“There’s a fire starting in my heart, Reaching a fever pitch, it’s bringing me out of the dark, FINALLY I can see you crystal clear, Go ahead and sell me out and I’ll lay your shit bare, See how I’ll leave with every piece of you, Don’t underestimate the things that I will do.  … The scars of your love remind me of us, they keep me thinking that we almost had it all. You had my heart and soul inside of your hands but you played it to the beat.”

*sigh* I love music!!!!  AAANNNDDD being FREE has given me a renewed sense of self, a liberating freedom, tons of Holiday candy and an exquisitely SMACKED Terry’s DARK Chocolate orange. :)  Hip hip hooray!

Oh and I also found the courage and desire to get back on track with ME.

ME!!!!!

I’ve missed me.  ”I don’t know what I’ve done, or if I like what I’ve begun.  But something told me to run and honey, you know me, it’s ALL or NONE.  There were little voices whispering that I should go and this should end… cuz I don’t know who I am without you, but all I know is that I should…”

I’m FREE!!! I can be MYSELF. I won’t get texts telling me to delete my FB statuses or please take down pictures anymore. I won’t have someone adjusting the sleeves on my shirt to make sure I’m “proper and modest” and I can laugh at what I want, smile at whomever I want, and be the fun flirtatious girl I used to be. :)

And yes – I told him I wish I could erase him from my memory. :-o But that was a touch dramatic. haha!

It’s still going to take some time … I’ve been in a slump for months (long before we broke up) and I need to reignite my passion. I need to stop this pattern of behavior. The song above “scar” – oh it’s so me. :( And this blog is part of my healing process. :) YAY!  I’m getting closer to being ME again every single day. :) I have AMAZING friends!!! And I’m meeting so many great people!!

“He left a card and a bar of soap with a scrubbing brush next to a note, That said “use these down to your bones”.
And before I knew I had shiny skin and it felt easy being clean like him, I thought “this one knows better than I do”

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle…
He tried to cut me so I’d fit”

Sure, “My mind has eff-ed me over more times than any guy could ever know…” and “Maybe I should give up giving …” and “I’m sorry to whichever man should meet my sorry state, watch my steady lonesome gate and be aware…” BUT I will recover.

And I will look forward to being the happy carefree woman I once was, again, very soon. I have hope. :) And I’m excited to be ME again. :)

“I always take the high road and I always bite my tongue and say you’re right.  I never say just what I think for fear that you can’t handle it.  But tonight?  I can’t hold back, I’m breaking out of the gates and screaming, ‘Give me back my voice again! Give me back my soul!  Give me back my love again, I want to give it to someone else.”  I will not be calm, I won’t be nice.  Now all that time I wasted is time I’m making up – and it’s mine.  I’m not so scared of what I want, there’s a freedom in just being me. Sick of trying to make it easy. I’m on my own and I’m finally breathing. ‘Give me back my voice again! Give me back my soul!  Give me back my love again, I want to give it to someone else.”

Australiandaisy.com is changing to elevenpetals.com.  Please update your readers!! :)

NEW BLOG:

SOMETIMES – after I’ve just downloaded some GREAT music (“We found love“, “Mr. Saxobeat“, “Good Feeling“, and the new David Guetta Album, which btw – the we found love music video is depressing so I just linked the audio) – and I’ve been dancing around in my room to my new music – and I’m about to write a blog – then I get this crazy urge to like do a BlaVlaLog.  Which in MY head is the equivalent of my being able to TYPE the way I’d SAY something so that you could alll benefit from the FULL… umm… welll… the full YAY!! that is in my head right now. YAY!  :) SMILE!

But since I don’t really want to VLOG and BlaVlaLogging is something I made up (in my head) let’s just all be aware that everything I’m writing tonight should be read LIKE it’s pepped up on caffeine but it ISN’T because this high?  It’s au naturale.

hahahaha.  I smile every time I see that picture.  That’s Duchess, my dog.  She pretty much loves the park. SPEAKING OF WHICH!!  The PARK is a GREAT distraction from dwelling on stuff you can’t change.

So is looking at that picture.  In fact, maybe you should look at it again.

K cool – we have that settled now.  Let’s dive right back into Distraction Techniques.

No – wait. Let’s do a quick recap.  WHY are we talking about this?  Because sometimes we get overwhelmed with stress and when THAT happens?  We usually cope with stress by using self-defeating behaviors.  Blog One was Common but Self-Defeating Stress Coping Mechanisms.  Then we discussed Radical Acceptance in Blog Two and explained that the FIRST tool in fighting stress is acceptance.  Once we get the gist of acceptance we can start distracting – which brings us to today.  MAD DISTRACTION SKILLZ.  YAY!

Mad Distraction Skillz #1 – Stop being self-centered! ;)

I don’t know that much needs to be said about this one.  If you serve others and put others first – you won’t have time to dwell on your own stress.  It is kinda that simple.  BUT let’s delve a little deeper.

• Do Service
• People Watch  (observe as many details as possible so you have no time to think of anything else.  AND if you’re like my brother … you might sneak a camera phone pic of some fashion faux pas awesomeness and send it to a friend – you’ll both laugh and hopefully feel a little guilty for being kind of mean – but still laugh.)  Or you could be like the people of “People of Walmart” and take pics like the one below.  Aaaannnnddddd Please Bless I don’t go to Hades for posting this. YAY!

• Go on a quest to take a GREAT picture of a Fanny Pack!!!  Double points if you get TWO fanny packs in one pic and TRIPLE points if you manage to get YOURSELF in the pic with a fanny pack.  OH!!!! And one billion ga-jallion points if you email the picture to moi.  :) :) :)

(please extra please bless I don’t get sent to H.E.double hockey sticks for these.)

• Think of someone you care about.
• Keep pictures of people you care about around where you can see them and then LOOK at them when you’re SpIraLinG.

Mad Distraction Skillz #2 – Change your thoughts!!

This one is SOOOOoooooOOOO much easier said than done.  But being AWARE of your thoughts and AWARE that you CAN change them gives you power.

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS

This doesn’t mean you can change the way you feel!!!  This also doesn’t mean you are going to forget.  We can’t always CONTROL our thoughts.  It’s not even worth trying.  But we can DIRECT and CHANGE our thoughts.  We can distract ourselves.

This concept is SO important that we will have a blog JUST on thought patterns.  I’ve read a few books that focus on this specifically and it’s SO WORTH giving it some extra attention.  But for NOW?  When you feel yourself thinking about things that can’t be changed – TELL YOURSELF NO.  Be aware.  Think of something else … for example:

• Remember things that were fun.  Maybe a specific event where you couldn’t stop smiling.  Remember that feeling.  Remember what made you laugh.  Remember as many details as you possibly can. (don’t get side tracked remembering that things might be as good NOW as they were THEN.)
• Find something lovely outside and FOCUS on it.  Look at every detail  BE CURIOUS.
• IMAGINE!  FANTASIZE!  You’re a superhero – who are you going to save?  What has your super villain arch enemy done THIS time?
• OR imagine you just won the lotto – what do you buy first?
• Pray
• Do something on the Really Long List of Things To Do
• Tell yourself No again – and then remember something happy – remember the FEELING
• Watch this video because it’s SO FUNNY

Create a distraction plan.

Mad Distraction Skillz #3: Create a Distraction Plan

Is there something on your plate or in your life that overwhelms you?  Be aware of it.  Decide NOW that the next time you feel yourself dwelling or spiraling because of this issue that you WILL do _________.  It doesn’t matter which technique you try.  Just pick one and try it!!

Mad Distraction Skillz #4: LEAVE

Don’t run away from your problems but be aware when walking away from the situation until you can clear your head might be best.  If the situation involves another person, relationship guides suggest you tell the person you are going to clear your head for X amount of minutes and give them a time frame for when you will come back and discuss things.

Mad Distraction Skillz #5: Whistle While You Work

When life gets overwhelming, sometimes we let daily tasks fall behind.  It’s not that we WANT our sink to fill up with dishes, or to look in the mirror and realize it’s been WAY too long since our last eyebrow wax – but sometimes it happens.  Crossing off tasks from your to do list is AWESOME.  And cleaning can be cathartic.  AND sometimes if you attack dirt and grime and come out the WINNER?  It feels GREAT!

• Clean your car
• Pull weeds
• Vacuum
• Clean the kitchen
• Wash blinds
• Reorganize a shelf (any shelf)
• Reorganize anything
• Rearrange furniture
• Get rid of old stuff
• Color coordinate your closet
• SCRUB the bathroom til it SpArKleS
• Clean the garage
• Sweep
• Mop
• Get the haircut/wax/manicure you need
• Treat yourself to a massage
• Wash your car
• Mow the lawn
• LAUNDRY
• Homework?
• Extra assignment from work?
• Clean your jewelry/watches/shoes
• Cook – then CLEAN up afterwards
• Pay that stack of bills
• Respond to emails
• EXERCISE
• Take your dogs to the park because you’ve promised them every single day that you’d go and every single day you don’t end up going… wait… haha – you don’t have to do that one.  That one was just for me. ;)

Mad Distraction Skills #6: Count Dracula

Back to the “counting” suggestion.

• Count your breaths – breathe slowly.
• Count anything.  The cars passing by, the people you see, how many letter Ts are in this blog…
• Count in increments of 7.  Go up or down the number line.

CREATE A DISTRACTION PLAN

Please leave a comment and tell me the FIRST four words you see. :)

I saw a WHOLE lot of words all at once.  But they’re all pretty similar.  I pulled this up on my phone and the first word I saw?  Serve.  Then dramatic, stubborn and courageous.  (but honestly I don’t think many people would call me a stubborn person but it IS a trait I struggle with in other people and it doesn’t surprise me that it jumped off the page.)  When I pulled it up on my computer the first I saw were lovely, passionate, dramatic and thoughtful.  hahahaha.  BUT since I think it takes passion to be courageous (or stubborn) and being thoughtful usually means service – I’d say either way the list was fairly accurate. :)