Category Archives: I can’t sleep and hate insomnia

A letter to … dun dun dun … MYSELF. YAY you didn’t kill #3

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Dear Daisy,

Since you obviously refuse to go to sleep on time (this is a bad habit btw) let’s recap the weekend.  What did you do?  Oh wait – don’t tell me.  I remember now.  You went with #3 to a business/dinner party and then went on a little getaway to Palm Beach (in Sydney.)  How was that?

actually – never mind.  Let’s not focus on the negative.  Let’s focus on the positive.  :) YAY!!!  You didn’t murder anyone this weekend.  Hooray for you!!

I’m very proud of you for not killing #3.  Very impressive.  When he told you that he thought you were making stuff up about the latest article you read just because HE didn’t happen to see it himself – I know you were furious.  But good on you for holding your tongue until AFTER you left the party.

And let’s be real.  When he introduced you half the time as “Daisy” and the other half by an incorrect pronunciation of your Christian name.  You DID want to strangle him.  But you didn’t.  And that’s pretty freakin’ sweet.

It was also darn impressive that you didn’t roll your eyes in frustration every time you had to explain to very confused strangers that he calls you by two COMPLETELY different names (ONE OF WHICH HE WASN’T EVEN PRONOUNCING RIGHT!!!!!!!)

[deep breath]

And now, let us please not forget the most impressive feat of the entire weekend. When you didn’t stab him with your fork for suggesting that your opinion on the latest book you’re reading was googled and that you didn’t REALLY read the book.  That took some crazy will power and I’m still impressed by you.

OMGOSH!  I can’t even believe it.  I ALMOST FORGOT that you showed one more admirable restraint. 

Thank you for not sending yourself to jail when:

  • A – he said that even though you’ve never mentioned ANYTHING about his drinking he believes that your abstinence from alcohol is a judgment against him.  (WWHHHAAAATTT????)
  • B – he said that because he can feel this [deep breath Daisy this is about to upset you again] that he can FEEL this JUDGMENT that you never gave and that he is projecting onto you that he now has the right to fuss and complain over any food that you like which is fattening.  (WWHHHHAAATTTT?????)
  • C – while complaining about the fact that you like french fries, he suggested that you will be a porker when you grow up and that he’s concerned you will blow out.   WTefF?
  • D – he said that breakfast burritos are gross even though he has NO IDEA WHAT THE FLIP ONE IS and said that it’s DISGUSTING THAT I WOULD EAT A BREAKFAST BURRITO and that it just goes to show that AMERICANS ARE FAT (even though Aussies are statistically fatter) and that YES I WILL blow out.

Yes dearest Daisy – you are now officially AMAZING.  Because if you could make it through a getaway with #3 after he said all of THAT you must have some SERIOUS mojo/conflict resolution/forgiveness skillz.  HAHA but we both know you didn’t REALLY forgive #3 because when you tried to TELL HIM THAT HE HURT YOUR FEELINGS he MOTHER TRUCKING DISMISSED WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY AND CHANGED THE SUBJECT!!!!! So actually let’s change this …

YOU ARE ONE AMAZING ACTRESS!!!!

And I fully condone operation spite #3 for being a total DB.  What a stupid jerk.

WHO THE FLIP TELLS A GIRL WITH A HISTORY OF diagnosed EATING DISORDERS that HE THINKS SHE’S GOING TO pork out BECAUSE SHE LIKES french fries AND breakfast burritos????

[deep breath - ANOTHER deep breath]

Try and relax – you need your beauty sleep.

xoxo ~Moi

Umm – Whaaat? Eew kissing is gross!

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HAHA!  Today I was so like “I’ll show him!” and then at the end of the night it was like, “D@@@@@mn – he showed me!”

Look the guy blew my mind with his wit and sarcasm the first night I met him and that same night after hours of conversation he ended the night with a peck – and only a peck – on my lips and walked away.  I was surprised yet happy about it – though BEWILDERED because the dumbdumb guy didn’t ask for my digits.  What?  Yeah he didn’t.

Well time went on and I ran into him again.  He confessed his dumbdumbness regret about the digits and then whisked me off my feet.  Pretty literally.  AANND he took no time at all to turn the peck from the time before into a little badaboom vroom vroom and we totally pashed.  [wait - no reprimands yet please.]

THEN we saw each other a few times and he pulled a DTR on me.  WHAT?  A DTR is a “Define the Relationship” talk where you decide if the badaboom really has enough vroom vroom to go anywhere. I was FURIOUS.  I had prevented and managed to escape any and all forms of DTRs for the past 2 years.  And then what – I go on like 2 or 3 dates with this dude and he’s asking me where it’s going?  Umm – No thank you please.  Go away.

So I told him I didn’t see it going anywhere and he was like, “That’s good because I was worried you may be looking for something and I really want to take this slow” and then he slowly faded from my daily life.  Hmm … surprise surprise right?  Who wouldn’t slowly disappear after what I said?  (let’s NOT mention how I also pushed away CC-450 by telling him I was dating tons of people right now even though I WAS dating significantly less because I really really liked CC-450 even though he APPARENTLY didn’t like me and ok? thanks! xo)

I’ve got issues!  I know!

So blah blah blah – I met up with this “wow” when I got back from holiday and he was so NOT wow.  In fact he was a total DB.  To the EXTREME.  And then FM forbade me from seeing him again.  Until finally TODAY I decided it’s been long enough and I could see him again.  :) But I strictly or not so strictly decided I was going to just be his FRIEND - a NO KISSING friend (we were always JUST friends anyway – whatever.)

Well I was doing well when I saw him.  He went in for the customary kiss on the cheek greeting but wait – hold up – he wasn’t going for my cheek – umm … what do I do?  umm … pause – awkwardness – dart left, dart right – darn darn – why did he just move when I went for his cheek?

UGH!  Look I TRIED to go for his cheek.  I did.  I promise.  But he was NOT going to let that happen.  So I got a smooch.  Which is WHATEVER because I KNOW he does that with his other friends – wait what?  Yeah – he’s like a kiss slut and NO that doesn’t mean he and I are destined to be together.

So then we had a lovely dinner.  We had a lovely chat after dinner and before we knew it we had talked for HOURS.  And then he drove me home (but in the American way which means we got into his car and drove to my house and not in the AUSSIE way which means something very different.)  At my house I said goodbye and went in for a kiss on the cheek again – because I’m strong like that :) and THAT was when he smooched me AGAIN! And THEN I pulled away and he stayed there.  And stayed there.  And stayed there.  And I was like, “Umm …”

Ok just kidding it was more like I went in for the cheek and didn’t feel bad at ALL when he went for the lips and then I pulled away but noticed he stayed so I went back.  hee hee.  I’m bad I know.

BUT GET THIS!  That’s it.  Yeah.  I know!

And then he asked me to come do some work for him on the side next week. Umm … ???      ????

Well alrighty then – that’s fan-flippin-tastic. We’ve gone from friends to friends who pash to friends who don’t talk to friends who smooch to business??  Wait – but that’s not what I had in the cards!!!  OOOH!  I got PLAYED!

Yes-sir-ee-bob I was played.

And I liked it. :)

Breathe me – Sia

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I don’t have much to say today.  This song is a bit how I feel …

[audio:http://www.therealkylestewart.com/biscuits/jan08/Breathe_Me.mp3|autostart=yes]

Darn, darn, darn, I think I’m engaged again ;) & Things you should NOT do when hitting on me

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I shouldn’t joke about something so serious.  I’m actually quite outraged.  A kiss may be a contract for marriage but NOT WHEN THE KISS IS FORCED ON YOU!!!  Today’s blog project (I’ll explain the project another day) is to write a list.  I think that’s grand and all but I’m angry about tonight and want to vent.  SO – here is a LIST of things you should NOT do when you are trying to hit on me.

If you want to increase your odds of success when hitting on me DO NOT:

  • spill your drink on me.
  • step in front of my male friends who are talking to me because you think they are a threat.  I am not your prey you stupid pig.  [insert fake but sweet smile]
  • repeat yourself over and over and over and over and over again.
  • have wandering hands after I have REPEATEDLY TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF YOU STUPID SWEARWORD!
  • talk to me after you’ve drank so much that you’re an idiot (giving you the VERY GRACIOUS benefit of the doubt that you MAY have not already been an idiot before the drinks.)
  • mention, suggest or use the words -fate, destiny, kismet, karma, fortune- or anything that even resembles any of those words when speaking about our recent introduction.
  • tell me you’d like to apologize for your outrageous behavior and then try to kiss me.
  • blame your unacceptable behavior on the alcohol.  I met a nice hottie last weekend who had been drinking but was still respectful.
  • continue to attempt to kiss me even though I asked you to please stop trying to kiss me.
  • grab my arms and forcefully prevent me from walking away.
  • forcefully kiss me.
  • And last but not least – don’t be a mother effin’ jack@$#!!!!

I know I lived in a little bubble back home.  And I understand that my old school traditional upbringing has left me a little naive and ill suited for the REAL world.  I probably should have seen all of the above coming tonight – but I didn’t. And yes it all happened.  And yes it made me upset.

I broke down and saw an international student counselor at school 2 weeks ago.  Things haven’t felt right for awhile and I wanted suggestions to deal with the stress.  Want to know what she said to me?  “I don’t normally advise this.  But in your case, maybe going home wouldn’t be such a bad idea.  It’s worth considering.”

I didn’t want to hear that.

So we’ll pretend she didn’t say it- at least for now.  Instead let’s focus on the fun part of my day – here are a couple pics from my first experience at the races.

races 1

Me and my FM – yay!!  He’s a blast.

races 4

races 3

This is a new friend from school – she’s an absolute doll!