Category Archives: 01 – My Loves

My heart’s a stereo – and I’m going to start sharing “deep stuff” ;)

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It is trite and dramatic to mention my entire world has changed over the past 8 months; of course it has!  Hasn’t everyone’s?  How can you LIVE and love and not change or grow? But yet I find myself wanting to say it!

I have changed.  I am changed.

I am also Queen of the Obvious!

But there!  I said it – I got it out of the way.  We can move forward.  :)  haha – ok I’m not like COMPLETELY changed.  My sense of humor is still about the same.  :)  which let’s be real – that is a HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!!!!!

YAY!!!!!

You see, I LOVE to laugh and I think I’m funny.  So the fact that I STILL think I’m funny?!?!!  Wahoo!!   :)  :)

Anyway I’m only mentioning this because I’ve done moderately well at being “adjusted” despite my – umm – well – my life.  I’ve tried to maintain a happy perspective, I’ve worked at being optimistic and I’ve NEVER taken the “why me?” attitude; though I have most certainly wondered about the purpose of life.  But I’ve adjusted; I’ve adapted.   I’m still here and most days I’m still laughing.  :)

Up until recently I didn’t want to really admit… (continue reading on my new blog here.)

Or if you just want to stick with the light stuff …

Let me share with you my new favorite-est-est-est song!!!  I’ve mentioned that my BF and I have a soundtrack of US.  (you should read it the story – it’s cute) And this song makes it on the list.  The lyrics ring true in my heart.  I love J, and I WOULD carry him around even if he were an old school 50lb boombox, and I’d hold him on my shoulder wherever I walked, and turn his volume up  in front of the cops, and crank it higher every time they told me to stop. hee hee ;)  Yes – My heart’s a stereo.

A few of my favorite things in pictures, words and video… HAPPY Holidays!!!

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Here are a few of my favorite things:

The sun breaking through the clouds:

New Paths (perfect fuel for daydreaming):

Photography:

Candid Photography:

Him:

Beautiful weather and play dates:

Us:

The Bug:

My oldest Niece:

My Nephew:

The wireless remote for my camera:  ;) we’re our own photographers!!  :)

Dogs:

My dogs:

Playing with my dogs:

Holding his hand:

Hugs:

Thanksgiving, Almond Orchards, Sunsets and the way HE makes me smile:

My little family and taking Holiday pictures to send with my holiday cards:

Kissing him:

His smile, laying in the grass, daydreaming, being close to him:

This song that Brecky made up about us:

AAANNNDDD the song by KO feat Plain White Ts – Hey There (that reminds me of US especially since he’s leaving.) :(  **This is a MUST LISTEN!!** :)  seriously – it’s such a great song!!!

WHAT ARE A FEW OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS??  :)

Throwing caution to the wind…

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“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.”  - Bertrand Russell

Longtime blog followers may remember the cruise I went on 2 years ago.  Last minute, spontaneous – it felt right.  I didn’t even KNOW about the cruise until two days before it began.  And I had to postpone my departure to Sydney for an extra week to go. It is no stretch to say it was really, really, really, really a completely unexpected turn of my heart.

And THIS (on the cruise) is where I met him.

Fast forward to a few blog posts ago.  Turning my life upside down – or right side up.  Following my heart brought me back to my best friend, it gave me the balance I was seeking, the inner peace I had lost.  And it reminded me that I am surrounded by so much love!!!  Aaaannnd that same weekend – at the MMA fight – I met him again.  The boy in the picture above or below.  ;)

Or rather I should say, he made it a point to come over and ask me if I remembered him.  (:  Of COURSE I did.  This boy isn’t really the forgettable type. (plus he can dance!!)

But then October started and I had a lot of focusing-on-self to do (which I did btw!!  I successfully did all of that stuff for the whole month!!!  YAY!!!) and so I didn’t see him again.  Well not right off anyway.  He was patient.  And when we finally DID go on a date (which I didn’t actually realize was a date – HAHA!) we hit it off.

He makes me laugh.  And he makes the world seem brighter.  And so we saw each other again.  And again.  And again.  And it’s crazy and ridiculous and amazing and beautiful that I feel the way I do about him.

We spent Thanksgiving with his family.  We dropped the L word… and I know that’s insane!!  Like seriously – I know!!!  But I also know I’ve never said it more sincerely.  I both respected and admired him BEFORE we ever decided to “date”.  And I went into this seeing both the good and not-as-good parts.  But I love it all.  All of him.

And yeah… he loves all of me!  And accepts me, skeletons and scars included.  It’s crazy and ridiculous and amazing and unbelievable that he feels the same way about me.  HAHA!  Especially since he’s LEAVING in a couple of weeks to go live in another country.  (karma sucks eh?)

But we’ve decided to throw caution to the wind.  Love is love and it feels right.

Am I a little scared?  Sure … but not really.  The odds are a bit against us.  But ultimately we’d rather have a short-lived, amazing, life-changing love that has the potential to be more than short-lived than deal with an eternal “what if?”  And so we continue.

And…for as long as our hearts guide us, we’ll walk into the unknown together, hearts smiling and inexplicably tied to one another.

Turn your life upside down … or right side up

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Hey Daisy!!  Want to completely turn your life upside down?

Spend a weekend with your BFF.  Remember him?  The one you’ve neglected for months and months and months?

Ensign Peak 13

It’ll start with cage-side seats at an MMA fight.  Something you’re not even interested in … and would NEVER pay $177/ticket!  But you’ll go because you don’t have to pay for the ticket *haha!* and your BFF refuses to accept any more of your excuses.  It’s time to get out of the house!!!

You’ll see people you haven’t seen in ages. They’ll ask about HIM and it’ll be REALLY WEIRD to admit there isn’t a him anymore.  Nope – now there’s just the 3 of you.

Ensign Peak 02

Well … that’s not entirely true. Accepting he’s gone opens your eyes to how many there really are – family and friends.  People who love you.

You may not be dating or in a relationship, but you’ll never really be alone.  For as long as there is a you … there will always be a them.  You really do have an amazing family – ALL of them.

After the MMA fight you’ll move to the most terrible and ghetto club EVER (pronounced ev-ah) and it will remind you #1-that going to clubs is the WORST if the music sucks and #2-how much you miss music.  Did you remember that it’s been more than 9 months since you’ve gone dancing or just danced around??  DAISY!!!! That was your FAVORITE!!!

Who’s That Chic? – David Guetta feat Rihanna – as you dance and dance to this song (at HOME because far be it from the club to have ANY good music!) – you feel happy.

Ensign Peak 17

The next day you will spend with your nephew, The Bug and Madison.  That night you’ll meet up with the BFF again.  YAY!

Ensign Peak 05

And of course you will watch MORE UFC *roll your eyes* – and notice that your BFF is GLUED AND ADDICTED to his phone – but it’s all good because he put you in the right place at the right time to happen to meet the industry leader in Digital Communications.  Yes – that’s right.  He was visiting Utah and you got an HOUR to pick his brain.

Ensign Peak 06

You’ll stay up WAY too late talking to a friend who makes you feel emotionally and intellectually sane.  And you’ll frown at the implication – you haven’t felt emotionally or intellectually sane for a bit.  But the emotional honesty is refreshing.  Emotional integrity helps you realign your heart with your mind.

It quenches a neglected thirst.

Ensign Peak 08

Sunday you’ll hike and you’ll take pictures and remember that beauty can be found everywhere.  Especially when you have two little THEMS strung to your heart.

Ensign Peak 12

Pretty much your life has turned upside down. Orrrrrr maybe … it turned right side up.

Life is going to be very different for awhile. But there’s hope in the future.

Ensign Peak 16

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Oasis – Wonderwall (Questions Version) – the song is great by itself – but I can’t resist a sweet beat.  I like this better.  Click on the link to listen or right click and save as to keep.  :)

Rethinking Children – I don’t want kids if they might be boys!!!!

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Ever looked at a group of kids and thought, “omgosh I can’t have kids!!”??  Last night I saw a bunch of boyscouts being, well … BOYS and I thought, “NO WAY!!!”  I don’t have the patience, the fortitude, the desire!!!

In the shadow I.....

Then the guilt set in … how un-natural of me!  How cold!  I am HEARTLESS!!! OH NO!!!  I’m supposed to look at pics of cute little boys and say “Ahhh” and get baby hungry. BUT I DON’T!!! Not even a little bit!!!! I look at them and think – “ugh – no way!!!”

I could handle a boy if he was like my 12 year old nephew … because of course HE is different. : )  He’s a one and only!!! And truly I’d take him full-time in a heartbeat!!!  But what if my child were a boy and not as cool and well behaved as my nephew??? I don’t think it’s worth the risk.

*more guilt *more guilt *more guilt*

I confessed to my boyfriend last night and he laughed at me.  ”Boys aren’t that bad!!”  But he HAS to say that because he wants to have kids and doesn’t want to scare me off the idea!!!  Well no help there …  I needed validation.

I got to work and confessed.  ”I don’t want boys.  No – no – I don’t think I can have kids if I might have a boy.”  And my boss said, “What traumatized you?  And how old were they?”

I replied, “8-11 year old boys.”

He responded, “Oh I know what you mean.  Aren’t they the grossest?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess I’m not the only one.  Validation received!!  Wahoo!!!