Category Archives: Spiders give me the Heebie-Jeebies

I’m happy I Accepted the “You are in trouble” pamphlet

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Well, well, well … if I didn’t benefit from a little Karma with a capital K yesterday then my blogging name isn’t Daisy.  Why?  I’ll tell you.  Yesterday I decided to accept the “You are DOOMED” pamphlet that my arguably evil fairy godmother offered and it saved me from a terrible, horrible, ever-so-painful death from the bite of a big ugly spider. Nodding 3 yep. yep.

It was mid-morning and I was on my way to school.  The sun had just risen to that perfect point in the sky where everything is covered in a beautiful golden haze.  It’s the time of day when you can almost believe fairytales DO happen (except in this specific instant the whole thing felt more like the BAD part of a fairytale.)

So there I was, happily trotting along my merry way.  The sun was peaking through the trees above me and dancing in happy patterns along the sidewalk.  I was like “la-dee-da” and very content.  (but not smiling of course because I don’t smile. )   Not Amused Oh seriously how much do I love emoticons?  TONS!!!

And then before I knew it there was an old woman in front of me.  But not just any old woman.  This one was stylish.  Her hair was perfection, her clothes were up-to-date and a litte TOO fresh, and then her make-up was immaculate … hmm … if it weren’t for her sickeningly sweet smile I may have been tempted to eat an apple from her!

“May I give you these to read?” she asked.

“Huh?”  I took out my earphones and looked at her very suspiciously.

“May I give you these to read?” she repeated.

She locked eyes with me and I heard myself saying “Sure.”  I mean … ok yeah – she probably used her secret, super psychic mind powers to force me into taking the “You are doomed and about to die” pamphlet – but it couldn’t really hurt could it?

I walked away from her and she disappeared.  Disappeared into thin air.  It was more than a little disconcerting.  But I suppose it’s what I get.  I COULD have turned around and LOOKED to see if she really disappeared – but I’m more of a “Choose your own adventure” type of gal and my choices were

Turn around and see if the woman is still there – go to page 45
Walk away without turning around – go to page 263

What can I say?  I picked page 263 and I’m glad I did because on page 263 it said this:

Live forever and be tormented by the fact that you don’t REALLY know if the woman evaporated. The End

But it’s not the end

because last night there was a HUMONGOUS spider in my room and guess what?  I rolled up the pamphlet and whacked the spider with it.  YAY!

There was a spider in my bed…

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Omgosh, Omgosh, Omgosh.

There was a spider in my bed.

I just killed it. And that required that I touch it because there was no time for me to find something to kill it with …

I’m absolutely traumatized.

Last night the NEW New Guy That I Haven’t Told You About Yet saw the look of terror in my eyes when I realized this house has vents in every room that lead straight outside. Apparently the houses were designed so the ocean breeze could flow straight through the house. They do this on purpose and my discovery made me shudder.

I looked at the NEW New guy and asked “Is there at least mesh somewhere in those vents to prevent spiders?” He looked back at me knowingly, “Is mesh what would prevent spiders from coming in sweetheart?” I said “Yes” and he very kindly lied to me, assuring me that they all have mesh. He did it to make me feel better … but now that I saw a SPIDER ON MY BED I don’t feel so well…

I have the internet again – YAY!!!

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RIGHT NOW – I’m sitting on the futon that is supposed to be my bed, in a closet that is supposed to be my room. I should be able to move into my REAL room with a REAL bed in the next month. But not yet.

I tried to kill the same spider 6 times today – I’m pretty sure I was successful on the 6th try. I killed one yesterday too. I think my superhuman peripheral spider radar vision is stronger than ever. My spider paranoia is also stronger than ever.

It’s pretty flippin amazing how out of shape I became in only 9 days. I exercised this morning and was huffing enough to audition for the Big Bad Wolf. All I did was WALK.

BIG NEWS!!! I took the bus for the first time in my life today. And then I took the train. And THEN I walked a mile from the train station to class. I wore my backpack. My backpack suffocates my back. It was pretty darn sexy when I finally got to class and took my backpack off. The back of my shirt was drenched in sweat.

gross.

And while I’m sharing embarrassing things… I’m listening to Jesse McCartney right now. On REPEAT.

Spiders give me the heebie-jeebies

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I have a 6th sense for spiders. In fact, I have superhuman peripheral spider radar vision. Yeah – it’s true. And try to say THAT ten times fast. No not “that” ten times – try to say superhuman peripheral spider radar vision ten times fast. Oh yeah – it’s not easy to say.

Which is why this gift is such a burden. Superhuman powers that are a mouthful to say are more special than the ones that aren’t. Let’s just agree that I’m right.

It’s like the time in the middle of the night that I crawled out of bed to go to the bathroom and caught by the reflection of moonlight the spider crawling up my bare thigh. If I wasn’t cursed with this amazing gift I wouldn’t have had to SCREAM, freak-out, and in a spasm to get that blasted thing OFF of me I wouldn’t have bruised my hip on the bathroom counter.

Or today when I noticed on the ceiling above my shower a little BIG HUGE spider that was most assuredly harmless a deadly one that was more scared of me than I was of it wanted to not only BITE me but to burrow under my skin causing a slow and painful death… if I didn’t have this gift I wouldn’t have had to try and balance precariously on the toilet and use a roll of toilet paper to try and kill it. And then when it didn’t die and started crawling along the toilet paper roll toward my SKIN I wouldn’t have dropped the last roll of toilet paper into the running shower, screamed, fallen off the toilet and then panicked to try and find out where the spider landed.

Oh the joys of superhuman powers. And p.s. heebie-jeebies is a word. I attached the definition.