Category Archives: Digital Communication and Culture

Taking it to the next level – Online Dating Step SEVEN – The Voice Call

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Online Dating goes in steps.  Today we’re going to talk about step SEVEN – yes step SEVEN – the voice call.

I’m not going to lie – I think I have this online dating thing about figured out.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I’m kidding – kind of.  Ok the fact of it is – that I had no intention of pursuing online dating AT ALL but then I met some dudes who seemed to be pretty cool and as I engaged in contact with them I realized there were similarities in relationship patterns.  It’s quite fascinating!!!

Oh and watch for my upcoming book “Online Dating for the Dense.”  HAHAHAHAHA – just kidding – for real this time – well 90% for real.  I think I COULD prolly write a book on my studies but we’ll save that for another post.

Step Seven – A pretty big deal

Step seven is a pretty crucial step in online dating.  Yeah – that’s right – it’s a pretty big deal.  No more hiding behind words – the dude you’re talking to will now be able to HEAR you laughing at him, HEAR the cynicism in your voice, HEAR excitement – whatever – he can HEAR it.  And omgosh – don’t let me forget – umm – say hello to AWKWARD PAUSES.  (though nothing is worse than an awkward pause on skype – but that’s like level NINE so we’ll discuss that another day.)  So yeah – voice calls – a pretty big deal.

Timing is Key – calling too soon

WHY??  It’s just a phone call!!  Well because you need to make sure the timing is right.  Accurate voice call timing is crucial. Too soon and you may find yourself ending the phone call being like, “Umm alright -so yeah …” and you feel like you SHOULD say, “Talk to you soon” but you know you’re NEVER going to talk to him again so it’s a bit awkward.  PLUS if he’s all like, “This was great – I’m so glad we talked” blah blah blah – well – you feel even MORE awkward when you realize you don’t want to talk to him again.

Timing is Key – waiting too long

And then you have the other side of the fence – waiting too long before the voice call.  When this happens – you’ve been instant messaging so long that you already have an idea of how you think the other person sounds – or reacts – or just IS.  You THINK  you have an idea of their personality and then because of course you’re wrong – when you hear their voice you’re like, “omgosh – you sound like a nasal-y star trek geek who probably studies vulcan in your time off.”  WHAT DO YOU DO THEN??  Here you had these great expectations and then you talk to him and you have a mini online dating crisis.  Is this guy his voice??  Or is he his words??

Phone Calls – Golden!!

ANYWAY – if you’ve already made it through the first six steps of online dating and are prepared to take it to the next level – it’s a good sign.  Buuuutttttt – BEWARE.  Voice calls are not all they’re cracked up to be.  (haha especially if your voice cracks while talking.)  HOWEVER it’s not all gloom and doom.  Sometimes you talk to someone on the phone and are pleasantly surprised.  Suddenly you’re like, “Omgosh – I could totally see myself talking to you on a continual basis – you’re fun!”  And THAT is pretty dang cool.

Oh wait – let’s not get too excited yet.  Let’s be real – if you feel that it went SO AWESOME there’s a good chance he thought YOU sounded like a 16 year old girl who giggles too much.

Yeah – such is my life.  I bet you can’t WAIT to read about Webcams.  ;)

ANYWHO – Tonight I watched the sun set …

december 16a

It was pretty.  :)

december 19e

And because I heart me some seagulls :)  Here are a few of them:

december 16d

(I hope you love these pics ScoMan.)

december 16c

december 16b

The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

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You may or may not want to read this – either way – please don’t hold it against me – I’ll be back to regular programming tomorrow (or the next day.)  :)  Oh and before we start – I want to give shout outs to Deeleea and Frankly Scarlett.  Your friendships mean so much to me!!!  Luvs to you!!!!  Xx!~Daisy!!!!

The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

My naive inner cyber child asked my grown-up real life self, “Daisy, where do cyber-babies come from?”  And I have to be honest – I was a little stumped.  Cyber babies?  Wtheck?  And why do I have an inner cyber child?

Anyway, it has been my unfortunate experience as of late, to be the target of cyber-pressure.  Say WHAT??  Yeah.  I know.  I was shocked too.  WTHECK??

Call me naive but I had no idea how similar cyber-dating was to RL dating.  IN FACT – it’s actually worse than real life dating.   Why?  Because I added the word CYBER to the front of it.  And not only does that make it SOUND worse but it also allows for a whole new breed of douchebags.  Cyber Douchebags.  And guess what?  Cyber Douchebags are SUPER douchebags.

So right here and now – I’d just like to throw it out there that I have a Cyber Chastity Belt.  And GUESS WHAT??  I don’t lower my standards just because YOU have an iCloak of anonymity which gives you more courage to cyber hit on me.  And want to know what else?   I kind of  think you’re cybersluts!  Yep.  Cybersluts.  And cowards.  Maybe I’m wrong but I have a feeling you wouldn’t DARE speak to me that way in real life.  And if I could CYBERSLAP you, I would!!!!!

HOWEVER – with that said – I think it’s completely different when two people are getting to know each other and start cyber flirting and having a little cybersexy time.  That’s normal.  And I think it’s kind of fun to have an iCrush on someone.  In fact I DO have an iCrush on someone :)  BUT!!!!! What’s NOT normal are all the dudes from UTAH fronting to be religiously devout and “ohsoMoral and wonderful” but are REALLY cyberdirty and gross!   Oh SNAP!!!  Yeah – I did  - I went there.  I said it – and I think it’s time more people started taking a stand against cyber douchebags!!  Do you really think that morals don’t translate into the digital world?

There will be no iBirds and iBees busy making iSpring happen on THIS computer with any Cybersluts.  I have cyberstandards and iMorals!!!!    And I’m not going to have a one-night cyber-fling with you just because you think the internet is a guilt-free realm.  It shouldn’t be!!!! and I DO think your computer has a virus and I DON’T want it to infect mine.

I’ve got a super-fire-wall-cyber-chastity-belt.

And just like in REAL LIFE – in my CYBERLIFE, I can’t be PRESSURED into any cyberGROSS with you.

Orange Sky – Sand Storm – Bondi Beach and Part 5 :)

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Ok – so today is supposed to be my LAST 200 words about online communities but BEFORE we get to it (cuz I know you’re all like SUPER DUPER EXCITED about it) I want to show you what I woke up to this morning.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PltMz1gQBJM[/youtube]

CRRAAAZZZYYY!  I’ve seen the world glow before.  A bright moonlit night with snow all around makes for a stunning BRIGHT night.  But glowing red, orange and sometimes blood orange?  Today was a first.  Definitely a wow!

Ok so I’ve come to realize that online communities and our identities within online communities are complicated topics!!!  There’s no way we could really have a full blown conversation about it in only 200 words per pop.  But hey – it’s the effort that counts right?  :)  Thanks to the commentors (scoMan, dave, ebonyJewel and MattyMatt) for commenting!!!  It’s always great to hear others’ insight!!

And for those of you who I have no doubt WANTED to comment deep down in your heart (which is everyone else i.e MOM, TIM, ALEXIS, SCOTT and all of my other bloggy friends) thank you ALSO because life is more fun with family and bloggy friends!!!   :)  )  Oh and it’s not too late to throw in your 2 cents because I’ve decided to write my final paper in a different class on this topic.  :)

Down to bizness.

ONLINE COMMUNITIES – You and Me are a CommuniTY – part #5 – wrap up.

(btw anyone notice that I did part NUMBER 5 or part NUMBER 4? LOL I did it just to be silly.  I am fully aware, thank you, that it SHOULD be part 5 or just #5. hee hee)

I’ve decided that I am fascinated by this topic.  100%.  Our world is becoming more and more digital every day.  We move to online communities more and more every day.  Our selves, our identities, and our culture are all being impacted by this change.  And though I suppose our identities, cultures and selves always change, I think it’s important to recognize the significance of online avatars/identities and how this increase in control over image may affect our core definitions.

I took this opportunity to round up some (only 3 because most of them were dumb) quotes on self image.

1“The ”self-image” is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self image and you change the personality and the behavior.”
2“Our self image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become”

Maxwell Maltz quotes (US plastic surgeon, motivational author, and creator of the Psycho-Cybernetics, 1927-2003)
3“If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?”

Chuck Palahniuk quotes (American freelance Journalist, Satirist and Novelist. b.1961)

I suppose one interesting thing about networks and identities is they change with time.  As I meet and become connected with more people, my network grows.  As my connections meet and become connected with more people, my network grows.  As my identity is tried and tested with time, it evolves and takes stronger shape.  I don’t believe we can STOP a network or an identity.  We may take on new layers, new directions and new flavors, but the network around us and our identity (regardless of how many we choose to have) all overlap a bit with each other.  We can’t go backward – only forward.

Part #4 – You and Me are a CommuniTY – Avatars

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  You MUST MUST MUST watch these videos – LOL and you should watch them simultaneously if possible.  :)  Same song – different actors.  In one version you see an ACTUAL person.  In the other version you see their AVATAR (or online identity.)  SO CLASSIC!!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCgHS0TwIA8[/youtube]

We left off yesterday thinking about how many identities we have and how our online identities may differ from our “real life” selves.  I confessed that years ago I presented my identity on mySpace differently than on Facebook.  I was the same person – but my online identities differed.  ScoMan made a good point about how our identities change according to context.  Dave philosophized that our TRUE identity is found somewhere between our dreams (identities we wish we could try out – or do try out in the online world) and our fears (the identity we present to the actual world – held back by fear or societal pressure.)

Soo… let’s get on with it.  200 words or less.  :)  Let’s talk AVATARS!!!  :)

(First you should PROLLY for fun – turn a picture of yourself into an avatar-ish pic at BeFunky.com – why? because it’s FUN! :)

Dr. Suler from Self Help Magazine explains,

“The basic assumption of a psychotherapy using avatars is that all of the personae created in the virtual scenario are the various manifestations of the person’s psyche.”

DO YOU AGREE??  Is the picture you choose to use as an avatar a manifestation of your psyche?  I think it might!!  We choose the clothes we want to wear and how we present ourselves.  It says something about us.  How is choosing how we present ourselves online be any different?

This begs the question – if the avatar we choose is an alter ego then is it our alter ego interacting in the network or online community? For example if Jane is a thin, elderly woman but her avatar in her online community is a fat man – is it the fat man or thin Jane engaging in the network??  And if our avatar becomes besties within a social network with the fat man, are we really only networked with thin Jane?  Because we THOUGHT we were besties with a fat man!!

This next clip is an example of how online identities can be so very, very different than real life.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge2FHDf_L78[/youtube]

Alright – that’s enough for this part!!  We’ll conclude tomorrow!!  :)

Online Communities #2 – You and Me are a communiTY – Blogosphere

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200 words or less – ready, set GO!  :)

In the last post we considered (or rather I suggested we consider) how online communities play into our sense of identity and self.  Princess Pointful, once (and probably still) a well known blogger who received several SUPER BLOG awards (by 20sb) and has been featured in print blogs, is a great case of how an online identity can significantly impact a “physical” identity.  Back in May she announced she was going to take a break from blogging and then followed up with comments discussing how different her life was now that she wasn’t blogging as regularly.  At one point she asked her readers if she should give up or continue and quite literally discussed that her ego has been deflated a bit (though it appears she has taken that post down) and I wondered if you have to ask the question, well … maybe that’s your answer??

The online world has meaning.  It contributes to our sense of worth, connection, self esteem, etc.   But just as in the world outside of the internet, when we use connections with others as our point of personal validation we open ourselves to the possibility of losing it all with one false rumor, one bad post, or just losing our edge period.  Having a balanced life between online and social engagements is one way to prevent loss of self worth due to decreased online activity.  Though with that said, just like in the social world, if one finds they no longer fit within one clique or group, there are many other groups for which one may seek acceptance.  And in an online world there are no geographical boundaries preventing one from finding the group to which they belong.

Next up –  now that we’ve seen an example of an “expert” in the online community, we’ll look at experts in sociology and see what they have to say.