Daisy says the Darndest Things days 20-31

Posted on August 31, 2009 by Daisy

It’s been awhile. Like over-a-week-awhile. Like the longest-I’ve-ever-gone-without-blogging-while. Not a good thing. What’s happened in the last 11 days?? A whole lot of not a whole lot. Yeah – that’s right.

First I had an assignment due – a big one. That was due 2 weeks ago. I still haven’t handed it in. Things haven’t been going as smoothly as hoped.

Day 20, 21 & 22- when I was still optimistic about my essay

Day 23 and 24 – Remember how I decided no more kissing North Sydney because HE IS A COMMITMENTPHOBE who FREAKS OUT every time HE kisses me!?!? Yeah – that didn’t last long. And then I went to my international adviser and she told me that she struggling to try and work with me because I’m smarter than her and my life is very complicated. Gee – that’s encouraging. (insert glare.)

Day 25 and 26 - I think it was about THIS point in my life when I discovered North Sydney didn’t remember ANYTHING about our meeting, his “stalk you later” phone calls and our very brief romance a year ago. I very bluntly called this to his attention. :) He tried to kiss and make up – I rolled my eyes and laughed. Then I tried to do my essay and fell asleep over and over again. Oh and I discovered I can tell the difference between fresh and not-as-fresh M&Ms. oh yes.

Day 27 – I went and met with the adviser again and this time she was more encouraging. We determined that I’m having issues with essay writing because of my first semester as a graduate student when I had a super nasty teacher who used her dislike of my nationality to influence the marks she gave me. As a straight 95% and above student my whole life – I lost all confidence in my ability to be a student after I received her grades and this lack of confidence is a detriment to my current studies. :( We agreed that discrimination and racism are out of my control and I need to try and move forward. I decided to study in the park under the bright and beautiful sun.

Day 28 - I actually went to class – instead of staying home sick like I did the rest of the week. Class was REALLY good – I’m in the process of animating a girl on a swing set. It’s a lot of fun and I can do it for hours and hours without getting bored. A BIG relief from essay writing.

Day 29 and 30 – I’ve had insomnia like no other the past couple of weeks. “Bones” the television series has become my nightly insomnia treatment. It also makes for great dreams. I’ve never been a better crime fighter/super hero/pretend anthropologist in my life. :) lol.

Day 31 – One month down – 12 more to go.

It means “I love you” in sign language. I might have accidentally kind of said something that would indicate the possibility that I COULD be in love with North Sydney. I didn’t mean to!! It slipped out!!!

He said- “You need to have kids. You will be a great mom.” (a nice compliment bcuz he has a child.)

I said – “Yeah but finding the right guy is going to be next to impossible. I think I’ll just settle with my dogs – they’re like my kids.”

He laughed and said, “You’re getting close. If you mix CC+4 with -3 you’d almost get the perfect man for you.”

I said, “Yeah but I’m never going to meet someone who is perfect and there isn’t going to be a guy out there who is a cross between all the good of CC+4 and all the good of -3.”

He said, “You never know…”

I said, “What I really need is just to find the American version of you – then I’d be set.”

I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAID THAT!!!

I told my flatmate that I couldn’t believe I let that one slip out!!! North Sydney gets scared off every time he kisses me – and then I tell him he’s like the perfect guy for me?? My flatmate said, “Yeah but do you feel that way?” I said – “Yes.” And my flatmate said, “Well then you told the truth. You shouldn’t be worried about it.”

He’s right. I told the truth. And fortunately for me – North Sydney DIDN’T freak out – he just took it as a compliment – and things are the same as always. :)

Hating my horoscope – I don’t want to put my heart on the line

Posted on August 15, 2009 by Daisy

Ok so my horoscope project is coming to – mostly – an end. I’m still checking it on a daily basis but I’m a little bitter at it right now.

A little bitter at a horoscope?? Yeah – that’s right. Why?? Because it’s out to get me. NO FOR REAL!

FIRST it has me use North Sydney as a distraction from CC+4. Which was actually a good thing because I need to let him go – completely.

BUT THEN I find that I really don’t want North Sydney as a distraction. He’s my friend and he lives in Australia and GUESS WHAT?? I’m content with things the way they are. AAANNNDDD the very same day I decided this I read my horoscope which said to be content with him as my friend. YES CRAZY!! I READ THAT AFTER I MADE MY DECISION!!!! It was like the FIRST day I didn’t have to TRY to make my horoscope come true.

So I moved on – and 2 days later would you ever guess that CC+4 – I don’t even want to talk about him. But I’m listening to the new song he sent me right now – and I’m – I don’t even know what – but I don’t appreciate my horoscope conveniently taking my life in a direction that might let CC+4 back in!!!!! Out of all the boys in my life – he scares me the most. No – not because HE is scary – but because liking him puts my heart on the line. The other boys? They’re safe. CC+4?? Not Safe.

Day 14

Ok we’ll stop here – with a few little lines from the song I sent him,

“Hands down, I’m too proud for love.

But with eyes shut, it’s you I’m thinking of. But how we move from A to B can’t be up to me cuz you don’t know who I was before you…

basically if you see a change in me – I’d be losing – so I just ignore you.

Cuz you’re not mine, not mine.

But maybe in time

I’ll tell you, I’m a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in love with you.

“I guess that I’m a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in love with you.”

Pic of the day – 12 and 13

Oh and HHEEEYYYY – my lil bro is back in the blogosphere. Life sucks – and tomorrow is the same …

Letter from my Conscience – Horoscope Day #I can’t believe I’ve done it for this long #1

Posted on August 5, 2009 by Daisy

Dear Daisy,

Hello! It’s your conscience here – but you PROLLY already knew that. It’s just … well … I hate to interrupt your normal bloginess but … well … we need to talk. You know your little horoscope project? The one that you were like, “OMGOSH THIS IS SO SUPER EXCITING – I’m going to do it for A WHOLE MONTH.” Yeah – that project.

I’m just a conscience so I won’t tell you this was a great idea in theory but a crap idea at the beginning of a semester – no no – I’ll just stick to what is RIGHT and what is WRONG. Ok ok – actually I’m just going to stick with what is WRONG.

Umm Hello?? Who woke up on the crabby side of the bed today?? And then blared “hot dog” by Limp Bizkit on repeat because it’s a REALLY angry song?? I know – you listened to Linkin Park, NIN and Papa Roach too … but you get what I’m saying.

Today’s task was ” … is not about escaping from your daily routine; it’s about developing a more spiritual approach to what you must do.”

Now tell me Daisy – do you think Limp Bizkit and hearing the F word screamed like 40 kajillionbillion times helped you develop a more spiritual approach??

Moving on … I was proud of you for answering the phone when No. Sydney called – but you could have handled the fact THAT HE ONLY CALLED YOU BECAUSE HE NEEDED TECHNICAL WEB HELP better. Did you REALLY need to switch to depressing music and listen to THAT on repeat too??

I think you went into today’s horoscope with a negative attitude (for proof please see your post yesterday) AAANNNDDD I think you shouldn’t do that again. You’re never going to achieve the random wisdom/growth you were hoping a project like this could provide give you if you HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE!!!

SHAPE UP!!

Sincerely yours,

~Your Conscience

HOLY CRAP is my conscience mean or what?? So to help me snap out of my funk – I went to class and really tried to EXPERIENCE class. My teacher is crazy – I took lots of notes – and I even played a game of Hangman – why? Because life is about living, loving and laughing :) And living means being PRESENT – so I was present in class – and felt the feelings of the first day of school, noticed my friends in class, remembered what it felt like to be in high school. And when I took a bathroom break and had to walk down a long corridor which was TWENTY DEGREES COLDER than my classroom – then walk down a weird dingy and poorly lit staircase to get to the bathroom … and when inside of the bathroom it was dark, old and there were small child sized watering cans in every stall … and the water to wash up was placed at a level below my knees … I experienced it. I imagined the ghosts haunting the halls – I shivered – I lived.

Today did have a rough start. And to be honest – it’s had a rough ending as well. But I FELT my day today. And as much as my conscience would like to say I did a half-assed job – at the end of the day I think experiencing life at a heightened sense of perception/observation/feeling surprisingly satisfies my horoscope.

Today – I LIVED

for better and for worse.

Day 5/365

Day 4 – Some much needed ME time

Posted on August 4, 2009 by Daisy

TODAY’s horoscope

You may become less confident as the day wears on, especially if you must show up at a big social event. But if you are able to steal away for a while, then you can emerge from your mini-retreat revitalized and ready to go back out for another round of battles with the status quo. Don’t be afraid of your own power, even if you think it’s wiser to wait for the right time to act.

Annnddd yahoo.com’s said something about taking time for myself and writing a list of “to dos”….

LESS CONFIDENT

I was pretty confident about life this morning but as luck would have it (or more likely as my subconscious would have it because I had already read the above horoscope) I DID lose confidence in myself as the day wore on. WHAT?? Why would I ever do a thing like that?

Prolly because I realized I’m in some suck classes, the camera adds 10 lbs, I stuttered on TV today and I ran into TWO professors who gave me the pity look because they know about my stupid special consideration and swine flu last semester.

Yeah – that could be why.

Some ME Time

I was kind of excited that my horoscope encouraged a little ME time today but I wasn’t sure how I was going to fit it in – I had a full schedule today!! After my first class I decided to skip class #2 because it sucks and I’m going to change it for a different one anyway … and I had a choice:

BUS OR WALK??

WALK of course!! Why? Because walking is ME time!! YAY!!! So I walked from Uni to Central and did some thinking – lots of thinking. Mostly about the pavement, the cars driving by, the hotties in business suits – but ALSO about Uni, my list of things to do – and ok – that was about all. Unless you count trying to decide whether or not to text/sms No. Syd and tell him about my day’s adventures as thinking – if you do? well then I thought about that a lot too.

I decided to text him – and got no reply. And not that I’m getting ready to throw in the towel or anything but seriously – EVERY TIME I DECIDE I LIKE A GUY IT ENDS WITHIN LIKE A WEEK. So I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if the Love Gods out there put a jinx on this whole thing – aw well. Time will tell.

No backing out now!!

Even if things don’t work with No. Syd guess what? I meant what I said about the taking a chance thing – no more negative nancy from me about relationships. I am ready to put myself on the line – it may take a REALLY LONG time before I find someone that I want to commit to – it may take a REALLY LONG time before I start dating again … but I’m not going to be actively AGAINST it like I was. In fact! I even replied to Adorable Boy’s (he was the reason I went on the cruise where I met CC+4) email today. He wants to come visit. I told him that’d be great. And you know what will happen if Adorable Boy comes out to visit? hee hee. SPARKS WILL FLY! :)

I HATE TOMORROW’s HOROSCOPE

I just want everyone to know that I already hate tomorrow’s horoscope. WHY?? Because it is going to require super extra effort on my part to make it come true. The task?? Find meaning in the mundane things you do. And after the 2 page long TO DO list I made today of MUNDANE SUCK THINGS TO DO!!! Tomorrow is DEFINITELY going to be a challenge.

But the joy is in the challenge right?? :)

Day 3 – I’ve got my relationship priorities all wrong

Posted on August 3, 2009 by Daisy

HOROSCOPE Day 3

Others may seem particularly critical of your work today, yet you could still learn from what they say. Unfortunately, your first impulse might be to reject their advice because of your own issues of self-esteem. But if you can get over your insecurity, you’ll see that the new information can help you accomplish your goals. This is not about competition; if you win, then everyone else wins, too

Making it happen

Living the reclusive life that I lead – it’s difficult to get helpful criticism on a day that I spend completely alone. Sure I went for a walk around Bondi – got a couple kms in to be healthy – yes I texted a few people and even spoke with my FM on the phone when SURPRISE the landlords came by and caught me pop lock and droppin it to some hip hop wearing only my undies!!! AAANNNDDDD I needed to know how long they were going to stand in front of my window so that I could muster up the courage come out from hiding under the covers. Yeeeaaahhhh…. but other than that – I was pretty alone the whole day.

So how could I make my horoscope come true today?? Well short of ASKING for criticism (which then becomes feedback) I decided to pick up one of my lovely self-help books and find out what I’m doing wrong. Turns out – it’s quite a bit!!

WHAT DO THE CRITICS SAY?

The critics say I rush into physical closeness and don’t commit or rely on my “partners” enough.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE A BALANCING ACT

The experts agree there are 5 important areas of progression within a relationship and you should keep these fairly balanced.

Knowledge of each other (getting to know one another)
Trust
Reliance
Commitment
Physical Intimacy

Want to know why I always score a major FAIL in relationships? Because I jump straight to building #5. Having an abundance of #5 creates a blind eye to #1 and #2 and as a result I am too scared to do #3 or #4. Pretty messed up – but if you read the book it makes total sense.

So yeah … today was a bit less eventful but mostly because I’m too lazy to type up more – I really did learn a lot about destructive patterns of behavior, using your heart AND your mind to make relationship choices and yeah – my horoscope came true again today.

TOMORROW – I’m supposed to take a little mini me-break in the afternoon and write down some “to do” items. I wish I weren’t so tired – but hopefully tomorrow I can give you a full update. :)

1, 2, 3… ELEVEN Petals

a petal for every passion, life is just one of them

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