Category Archives: Horror Stories

Bic is NOT a Venus Razor

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I SHOULD be too embarrassed to admit this. But should-ing yourself to death is no way to die. I want to go out in a blaze of glory where I COULD-ED myself to death because I actually believed I DID turn into a superhero and could do ANYTHING!! YAY!

I LUV the Venus razor. It’s great right? Right! Well the other day I was going to wear a skirt to a club and though I had shaved my legs that morning with my trusty Venus – I wanted a fresh shave for the night. I didn’t have time to run home so I stopped off at the store and bought the necessary ingredients for a Vegas shave (lotion and a razor.) It works like a charm!

Or at least it does with the Venus.

I was in a hurry and just grabbed a cheap-o disposable razor because my girlfriend said it works just as well in a bind.

Umm …

WRONG!!!

I bet you already see where this is going! Did you see about 40 trillion gajillion little pricks of blood all over my cut-up legs? If you did then you must be psychic! Congrats! That’s a cool superhero power. And I bet you also saw that I would NOT be wearing a skirt because of it either. A great way to save time right? I got to waste even MORE time changing clothes!!!

Life lesson? Don’t trust the people who tell you cheap-o disposable razors are ok in a bind. It’s not true.

And on a positive note I felt like a pre-teen again shaving my legs for the first time. Ah – such happy – terrible horrible very traumatic – memories.  Hooray for me!

Oh and I don’t know why but I feel the need to tell you I’m in love with the song “Day N Nite (Crookers Remix)” by Kid Cudi.

Please stop knocking.

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Late night.  Sunday evening.  It’s dark outside.  I’m alone in the house.  I have my laptop with me in the living room; I’m working on an essay.   Dancing with the Stars blares in the background.  I think I hear knocking.  I’m not expecting any visitors.  I ignore it.  The noise grows more intense.  Knock-knock-knock-knock.

It can’t be knocking.  My flatmates are all gone for the evening.  None of their friends would drop by unannounced.  This is what cellphones are for right?  I mean if someone needed to reach me they would surely call right?  No one surprise visits unless they are very familiar and anyone I’m very familiar with would call me after their initial knocks went unanswered.

I continue to ignore the noise.  It is definitely knocking.

It’s been over a minute now.  Surely whoever is there will get the hint and go away.

I call my flatmate.  “Umm … someone is knocking at the door but I’m not expecting anyone.  Are you expecting anyone?  Is there anyone you know who would drop by?  Because they just keep knocking at the door and they won’t go away…”

He replies, “Don’t answer the door.  Stay where you are.  Don’t go anywhere.  Whatever you do, don’t answer the door.  I’ll leave now, I can be there in 30 minutes.”

KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK.  The knocking grows faster paced and more intense.  I freeze.  Something doesn’t feel right.  The knocking pauses.  I can hear my heart pounding.

It starts again.

My heart drops into my stomach.  Please, please stop knocking.  Please, please go away.  Deep breath.  I had forgotten to breathe.

My flatmate calls, “Is the knocking gone?  Don’t go outside until I get home ok?  I’ll be there soon.”

And now I wait. The knocking has stopped.  Deep breath.

A sudden unexpected memory.  “If you try and ignore me I know where you live,” he said to me. “I don’t have to answer the door,” I replied.  He smiled very calmly, “Yes but there’s always the window.”

What was that?  I must be imagining things.  There it is again.  Oh please… please make time hurry.  I look around.  There is definitely a new noise.  Oh no.  Oh please no.  Please, please, please no.  Please.

Why does it sound like there is someone outside of my window?

I’m too scared to look but I think I have to…