Category Archives: Personal Reflection

My heart’s a stereo – and I’m going to start sharing “deep stuff” ;)

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It is trite and dramatic to mention my entire world has changed over the past 8 months; of course it has!  Hasn’t everyone’s?  How can you LIVE and love and not change or grow? But yet I find myself wanting to say it!

I have changed.  I am changed.

I am also Queen of the Obvious!

But there!  I said it – I got it out of the way.  We can move forward.  :)  haha – ok I’m not like COMPLETELY changed.  My sense of humor is still about the same.  :)  which let’s be real – that is a HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!!!!!

YAY!!!!!

You see, I LOVE to laugh and I think I’m funny.  So the fact that I STILL think I’m funny?!?!!  Wahoo!!   :)  :)

Anyway I’m only mentioning this because I’ve done moderately well at being “adjusted” despite my – umm – well – my life.  I’ve tried to maintain a happy perspective, I’ve worked at being optimistic and I’ve NEVER taken the “why me?” attitude; though I have most certainly wondered about the purpose of life.  But I’ve adjusted; I’ve adapted.   I’m still here and most days I’m still laughing.  :)

Up until recently I didn’t want to really admit… (continue reading on my new blog here.)

Or if you just want to stick with the light stuff …

Let me share with you my new favorite-est-est-est song!!!  I’ve mentioned that my BF and I have a soundtrack of US.  (you should read it the story – it’s cute) And this song makes it on the list.  The lyrics ring true in my heart.  I love J, and I WOULD carry him around even if he were an old school 50lb boombox, and I’d hold him on my shoulder wherever I walked, and turn his volume up  in front of the cops, and crank it higher every time they told me to stop. hee hee ;)  Yes – My heart’s a stereo.

Loaded Gun, Epinephrine, Trigger Response, Adrenaline, Smoking Barrel

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Picture by dp:

P is for Pistol 3

Epinephrine – a hormone triggered during the Fight-or-Flight-Response to a threat.  Adrenaline – another name for Epinephrine.

Elevated heart rate, clear mind, every muscle is ready.  It only takes a few words.

Words.

Part of the beauty of psychology is its revealing nature.  Eventually, the cracks in one’s bullet proof vest are discovered.  Hidden secrets, suppressed trauma can only stay protected for so long – and once a bullet makes it past our shields and armor, its full-on psychological warfare.

A few words and your mind and/or body experience danger.  It’s a trigger.  Your trigger.  You control it as best you can.  You wear your armor. Your walls are thick but sometimes you are caught off guard.  And then you realize you can’t escape your past.

Once a victim, always in fear.

Let’s talk dating – We’re prolly not compatible if … part 1

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In an attempt to make myself more socially networked (haha!) I decided to update my status on a link-up site – “link-up” is quasi-code for dating.  HAHAHAHAHA!  Can you imagine?? Laugh out loud if you must – I do!!  I’m not in the market to date – I live in Australia and am quite content being single – but I thought it would be interesting to dabble a bit.  Want to know the results so far??

Oh I bet you are just DYING to know.  *wink*  After one week of being “updated” I’ve discovered some VERY interesting things about myself.  AAANNNDDD very interesting things about the way men try and pick-up chics online … I’ve learned which techniques are OVER USED, which seem fresh, which ones are SO DUMB and which ones make me smile.  It’s quite fascinating really!!

At first I replied to EVERY message.
EVERY MESSAGE!!!
But after getting THIRTY – yes THIRTY messages over the duration of ONE CLASS – I realized I HAVE to filter or I’ll spend the rest of my life replying to emails!!!  It’s the end of the semester – I honestly don’t have time to reply to a bajillion emails.

So how do I filter?  Which guys make the cut?  How can I possibly make that decision?  It seems so … so … so… MEAN!  And judgmental!!

I mean seriously – what if this dude happens to be perfect but his game is just a little off at the moment?  HAHA!  No.   At the moment, with my time schedule, in order for Mr. Right to actually BE Mr. Right – he’s going to have to be playing up to par.  OR if he’s playing to be a bestie and isn’t interested in anything more – he’s going to have to be funny.  :)  I could use the laughs right now!!  *cheesy smile*

Anyway – please don’t take this blog the wrong way. Part of my therapy/learning is that I am supposed to try and be more discriminating with my time because I so often feel overwhelmed with social engagements or guilty for wanting to be the introvert that I am.  My therapist says it’s OK for me to prefer not to hang out with some people.  And it’s OK if I would prefer to spend more time with A than B.

And so in the world of online dating – this is a GREAT opportunity for me to practice my filtering skills.  For example – today I read an email from a dude whose profile says that he can’t stand femi-nazis or those who are pro-choice.  Ok – I respect he has opinions on the matter.  But “femi-nazis?”  OMGOSH – I’m against Nazis but femi-nazi??  What does that even mean?? Oh so he’s against women who are feminist?  Maybe he’s not secure with his manhood?  I don’t know – I just know that he and I are NOT compatible.

#1 – we’re prolly not compatible if you use inflammatory speech and state that you hate or can’t stand a specific group of people on your profile page.  Unless of course you just can’t stand people who can’t stand other people – cuz I’m with you there!!  I have no tolerance for prejudice.  But if you are intolerant of others’views – not cool.  The world is all shades of grey – if you only see two colors – we’re PROLLY not compatible.

Anyway … funny funny … I wrote back to this guy and flat out told him that I probably hit MOST of his red-flags being that I’m not super conservative, I DO believe in women’s rights and I DON’T have a fascination with guns.  I didn’t NEED to write back – but seriously – I thought it would be better to be blunt that I’m NOT his girl.

Oh heavens.  Heavens heavens heavens.  He wrote back and asked me how I could call myself a Christian.  Hmm … \

Maybe he forgot about the story where Jesus didn’t shun or hate the prostitute??

Right – and HE’S the one who is Christian …

Ok – enough out of me.  :)  I’ll keep you updated on the sweet world of online match-making as time goes on.  HAHAHAHAHA!

Orange Sky – Sand Storm – Bondi Beach and Part 5 :)

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Ok – so today is supposed to be my LAST 200 words about online communities but BEFORE we get to it (cuz I know you’re all like SUPER DUPER EXCITED about it) I want to show you what I woke up to this morning.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PltMz1gQBJM[/youtube]

CRRAAAZZZYYY!  I’ve seen the world glow before.  A bright moonlit night with snow all around makes for a stunning BRIGHT night.  But glowing red, orange and sometimes blood orange?  Today was a first.  Definitely a wow!

Ok so I’ve come to realize that online communities and our identities within online communities are complicated topics!!!  There’s no way we could really have a full blown conversation about it in only 200 words per pop.  But hey – it’s the effort that counts right?  :)  Thanks to the commentors (scoMan, dave, ebonyJewel and MattyMatt) for commenting!!!  It’s always great to hear others’ insight!!

And for those of you who I have no doubt WANTED to comment deep down in your heart (which is everyone else i.e MOM, TIM, ALEXIS, SCOTT and all of my other bloggy friends) thank you ALSO because life is more fun with family and bloggy friends!!!   :)  )  Oh and it’s not too late to throw in your 2 cents because I’ve decided to write my final paper in a different class on this topic.  :)

Down to bizness.

ONLINE COMMUNITIES – You and Me are a CommuniTY – part #5 – wrap up.

(btw anyone notice that I did part NUMBER 5 or part NUMBER 4? LOL I did it just to be silly.  I am fully aware, thank you, that it SHOULD be part 5 or just #5. hee hee)

I’ve decided that I am fascinated by this topic.  100%.  Our world is becoming more and more digital every day.  We move to online communities more and more every day.  Our selves, our identities, and our culture are all being impacted by this change.  And though I suppose our identities, cultures and selves always change, I think it’s important to recognize the significance of online avatars/identities and how this increase in control over image may affect our core definitions.

I took this opportunity to round up some (only 3 because most of them were dumb) quotes on self image.

1“The ”self-image” is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self image and you change the personality and the behavior.”
2“Our self image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become”

Maxwell Maltz quotes (US plastic surgeon, motivational author, and creator of the Psycho-Cybernetics, 1927-2003)
3“If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?”

Chuck Palahniuk quotes (American freelance Journalist, Satirist and Novelist. b.1961)

I suppose one interesting thing about networks and identities is they change with time.  As I meet and become connected with more people, my network grows.  As my connections meet and become connected with more people, my network grows.  As my identity is tried and tested with time, it evolves and takes stronger shape.  I don’t believe we can STOP a network or an identity.  We may take on new layers, new directions and new flavors, but the network around us and our identity (regardless of how many we choose to have) all overlap a bit with each other.  We can’t go backward – only forward.

Online Communities Part #3 – You and Me are a CommuniTY – identity and social networks

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200 words are less – you are amazed and impressed – I know.  ;)

Ok so if you are at all interested I read a REALLY interesting article called, “Identity, Social Networking and Online Communication” by Guy Merchant.  It raised the questions in MY mind, “how many identities do I have online?”  OHMYWOW! Australiandaisy vs Kerilynn – I’m the same person – or am I?  Well for those of you who know me personally (haha! if you read this blog – you sooooo know me personally) – let me restate.  For those of you who have seen me in person you know that I am not much different from my blogging self.  HOWEVER I have spoken with other bloggers who are VERY different than their online identities.  And this begs the question, (and the article explores) are these alternate identities new identities created by our online communities? or are these new identities just a glimmer at what is beneath our surface, or in other words, has the digital world merely exposed or helped to expose our alternate core identities?

A mind bender which could be argued both ways no doubt!

@thisisScoman from A Name in Your Recollection says his main form of interaction is online.  I can’t imagine that his MAIN form of interaction is just a “hidden” or “false” representation of who he is.  No no – his identity and online involvement help to define his identity and since DIGITAL is his primary form of communication then maybe it’s reality/social engagements that expose his “alternate identities” if he has any that is .

Online or not your identity is your identity.  YOU define it.  And he uses online interaction MORE than physical interaction (though arguably isn’t typing on a computer physical?) and so suggesting that online identities are created and NEW would suggest that his online identity and his daily interactions via his online communities may not be as “real”????  I think not and I agree with his comments on the previous posts.   I think we’ve reached a point in life where our online identities cannot be separated from our core identities.  They are linked and can be one in the same.

AAANNNDDD since I’m generous and because I know you aren’t actually going to read the article that I so kindly ;) researched AND LINKED for you, I’ll give you a brief summary.  The article suggests that we not focus on the argument of NEW identities versus UNSEEN identities and instead look at HOW online communities offer the ability to narrate or create a self identity and how the process of forging that identity outside of the digital world is important.

How has your personal online identity been constructed over time?  I can tell you that mine started out as a mySpace girl (HAHAHAHA!  Yes I totally shook it on stage at the mySpace parties in Utah) and it eventually moved to AustralianDaisy and is now moving into Daisy/Kerilynn.  My mySpace identity was fun and I posted lots of hot pics.  But those pics were for mySpace ONLY!!  My facebook identity was much more reserved and formal.  HAHA!  But it was still ALL ME.  :)

Now I’m just blah blah boring and tend to err on the side of caution rather than risqué.   Aw – how precious – Daisy is maturing!!  :)

Then and now :)