Category Archives: The extent of my vanity

Pick-up lines and the t-shirt that solidified my super-villian status

Posted on by
5

Allow me to elucidate. ;) I did NOT join the popular Utah link-up site which will remain nameless for the purposes of dating. I did it as a – well – kind of as a challenge.  My BFF Matty Matt and I wanted to see how many profile views I would get in one week.  I hit 2nd most viewed profile and called it good.  I didn’t log on again.  Until today.

Why did I do it?  Because I was bored. I had to wait around for the FedEx guy to arrive and he was taking FOREVER!  Plus everyone knows that logging onto the internet is what you should do when you’re bored.  [umm ...]  So I logged on and updated my status. Within minutes of logging on I had ten new messages.  WHAT?  This site has tons of married people on it – it’s a “networking site” – but we all REALLY know that it’s mostly used for dating. So LUCKY me!  And you! Because I’m sharing the sweet messages I got today:

  • Why aren’t you married?  (yep that’s all it said.  Hmm … I know why YOU aren’t with THAT pick-up line!)
  • I’m an ex-cop now working in TV.  Hope to hear back from you. 
  • I stubbled across your profile.  Wanted to say hi.  (You stubbled?  I didn’t know that was a word.)
  • Dang!!!, I take it your done with utah? too bad I missed you  (no no sweetie – thank GOODNESS I missed you.)
  • Hey Red, how is your day?  I lived in Brisbane for 2 years.  btw I’m a Psychologist.  (Btw – I don’t care and don’t EVER call me “red.”)
  • What!  you went to the UofU and didn’t say hey to me.  Do you have any super powers? (YES I DO!!!  Omgosh. How did he know?)
  • Thanks for inviting me for a swim!  (What?  But I didn’t … umm … WHAT?)
  • What are your favorite guilty pleasures?  (Umm hello?  Go away gross-o.  This isn’t a drama class or a romance novel.)

The others (there were about 12 more by the end of the day) were either acceptable or slight variations of the above.  So what type of responses WILL get a reply from me? Ones that make me laugh. But mostly I just look at the profile pic :) and go from there.  Let’s be real here – it’s an online networking aka dating site – I’m allowed to be superficial.  :)

Here’s a pic from New Zealand last week.  My t-shirt says “Stop Youth Obesity” and there’s a chubby boy catapulting a skinny boy off a see-saw.  On a scale from 1-angel to 10-devil – my FM says this puts me at 12. But … but … but …

a

It’s official – I’ve hit my late 20s

Posted on by
11

When may I start lying about my age?  I guess it’s never too soon to start is it?  Hmm … what age do I want to be this year?  I don’t think 27 is the age I want to be right now.  Why does it even matter?  I suppose it doesn’t.  Or does it?  I’m really not sure.

I can tell you that I never imagined that I’d turn 27 in a foreign country.  And I always imagined I’d feel much more grown up by the time I became ancient and ohsowise in my late 20s.  Shouldn’t I have a full-on, full-blown career by 27?  Shouldn’t I be living in New York City?  Ah well … Sydney’s not too shabby.  ;)

So – what am I doing to celebrate today?  First I’m going to go to sleep (staying up past midnight every night is a terribly immature and mid 20s thing.)  And then if I’m lucky, fate will be kind and I’ll be able to snap a pic of that macho fannypack strutting man at the Junction.  Oh if only I could be so lucky …

Anywho – since I’m only a few minutes into my late 20s I don’t have anything profound to share with you yet … maybe by tonight when I’ve been ohsowise for 12+ hours I’ll have something wonderfully fantastic to share…  But so as not to disappoint – please allow me to share a profound thought and a few beautiful pictures from my Sunday morning walk:

Profound Thought – “You are what you eat – and tonight I’m passionfruit gelato.” haha!  Just teasing – how about this:

Man makes plans; God laughs.

Quite a fitting thought for me on my birthday, yes?

ai

Can you believe this view?

am

Have I mentioned how much I love TAKING pictures?  Not just of myself either.  :)

aj

We were out walking for 4 hours today.

ao

Which is good because I have like 5-10 kg (10-15 lbs) to lose!!!

an

Speaking of weight … I decided to give up my self-consciousness for a day…

ag

And notso rocked a bikini at the beach yesterday …

ab

I felt super self-conscious and was relieved to get in the water – EXCEPT

ak

It’s been awhile since I wore a bikini like that so I wasn’t prepared for the waves and …

ad

I learned the hard way that if you’re not careful, you’ll 1-butt-cheek-flash people.

aa

And then I learned the hard way that big waves like the ones yesterday ALSO can make you accidentally 2-butt-cheek-flash people (or “moon” – whichever you prefer)

ae

And then I learned the hard way that these same waves can make you do the “no-bikini-bottom” flash …

ac

And last but not least, I learned those waves ALSO make you boob-flash people.

1

Wow – ok – so yay for Bondi!  They got more than they bargained for yesterday.  But it’s all good.  I was on the Gay Side of the beach (yes – it’s true – there is a Gay Side and they are VERY proud if it) so even though I was flashing people left and right (on accident) no one was perving.  Haha!  Except for ME – I’ve never seen so many perfectly chiseled and hot men in one place in my life.  The Gay Side of the beach is now the side for me.

Nice GUY vs DB – and NEDAW

Posted on by
4

Hello everyone!  So before we get into the difference between a nice guy and a DB, I wanted to take a moment and let you know that it is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.  Eating disorders are a pretty serious thing and if you have one – seek help!  I’m thin now – but 8 years ago I weighed 28 – yes TWENTY EIGHT – pounds less than I do now.  I was the same height. Here is a pic of me TODAY.  I went out walking with my FM and YES – I do look like a disaster and could stand to lose 10 lbs but that’s not the point.  :) Can you imagine me 28 lbs (12.7 kg) thinner?

daisy-today-copy

Here is a short and moving 4 minute video on Eating Disorders.

OK – NOW to the FUN STUFF!!!!  :) YAY!!!

I’d like to give a shout out to my Ultimate BFF –

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! :)

This is an email from my FM.  UDB has been contacting me a LOT.  And he also has been trying to book time with me a week in advance!!!  I almost agreed to see him again … until FM sent me the following.

Daisy,

It seems UDB is not going to surrender and won’t accept rejection. He will keep trying until he gets his way..

Here’s some definitions of the term “lets catch up”:

if it’s from a past fling (especially players like UDB or Captain Charisma)
“catch up” means – let’s meet so I can use my great talents of persuasion, (cos’ I know I’m good), and hopefully we’ll pash [make-out] later

if its from a good friend (eg BFA or Matty Matt)
“catch up” means – its been ages, what’s going on lately? You’re fun to hang out with.. (No other motives).

see the difference?

Players:

- won’t call you during the week just to say hello but may call you to arrange a ‘catch up’
- will contact you once a week. That leaves him 6 other days to go out with other girls during the week.
- will arrange to catch up last minute if he’s in the area. (booty text)
- won’t meet your flatmates when he comes over to the house
- too cool to hang out with you at a party, in case there may be better girls around or other cool friends
- will call you after the party’s over and he hasn’t scored yet

Back to UDB.
He’s trying much harder now cos’ you’ve been rejecting him. He’s never worked so hard to get a woman before, so it’s a good challenge and will be a great ego boost if he gets you again.   Remember how bad he made you feel after your last date? There is no excuse and should be no more chances for him.

Why?
- He’s a tool
- He does not treat you right
- He’s got other choices
- You’ve got better choices and meet men everytime you step out
- He just wants to pash, you want substance and they are lining up
- Don’t lower yourself to be with him
- You’re not easy
- You have to be a bi*c# sometimes & teach idiots a lesson

There’s lots more but this is not a 1000 word essay.

later. x

So there you have it.  A complete breakdown of a DB.  :) Hope you enjoyed it!  My FM makes some very good points.  And while we’re enjoying things :) please enjoy the other pics of Bondi that I took today on our walk:

bondi-beachbondi-4bondi-3bondi-2

Happy Thursday!!  You should all be happy to know that I have said “no” to the last three requests to “catch-up” with UDB.  :)

Bic is NOT a Venus Razor

Posted on by
Reply

I SHOULD be too embarrassed to admit this. But should-ing yourself to death is no way to die. I want to go out in a blaze of glory where I COULD-ED myself to death because I actually believed I DID turn into a superhero and could do ANYTHING!! YAY!

I LUV the Venus razor. It’s great right? Right! Well the other day I was going to wear a skirt to a club and though I had shaved my legs that morning with my trusty Venus – I wanted a fresh shave for the night. I didn’t have time to run home so I stopped off at the store and bought the necessary ingredients for a Vegas shave (lotion and a razor.) It works like a charm!

Or at least it does with the Venus.

I was in a hurry and just grabbed a cheap-o disposable razor because my girlfriend said it works just as well in a bind.

Umm …

WRONG!!!

I bet you already see where this is going! Did you see about 40 trillion gajillion little pricks of blood all over my cut-up legs? If you did then you must be psychic! Congrats! That’s a cool superhero power. And I bet you also saw that I would NOT be wearing a skirt because of it either. A great way to save time right? I got to waste even MORE time changing clothes!!!

Life lesson? Don’t trust the people who tell you cheap-o disposable razors are ok in a bind. It’s not true.

And on a positive note I felt like a pre-teen again shaving my legs for the first time. Ah – such happy – terrible horrible very traumatic – memories.  Hooray for me!

Oh and I don’t know why but I feel the need to tell you I’m in love with the song “Day N Nite (Crookers Remix)” by Kid Cudi.

AB Ripper X

Posted on by
Reply

RIGHT NOW I’m listening to my favorite Christmas songs and am wondering how a 17 minute HIGH INTENSITY workout could already have given me sore abs.  I only did it like 2 hours ago!

WAIT! Before you think I’m TOO pathetic you should know this wasn’t an ordinary HIGH INTENSITY workout.   No, no.  This was

AAAAB RIPper X

Yes.

We’re not talking about Ab 100, or Ab 200.  Don’t be silly.  This was Ab 339.   Pure torture, compliments of the P90X workout program. Don’t play like you don’t know what P90X is either – it’s only like the coolest infomercial EVER! or so they say – I haven’t actually seen it but thanks to a recommendation from a friend I now own the DVDs. D

Gee I just can’t WAIT until tomorrow! I bet my abs will feel like heaven on opposite day.

But it will be worth it.  Soooo worth it.

Or soooo they say.