Umm – WHAT??? then she tried to back track and be like, “Oh narcissism isn’t that bad – it’s just another way of saying vanity.”  But the damage had already been done.  She called me narcissistic!  Me?  Narcissistic?  I mean I only have a blog dedicated to my life, I participate in photo projects that include taking a picture of myself every single day for a year, and I like to dance in front of the mirror.  What’s so narcissistic about that?

;)  hahahahaha

ok ok – maybe she had a LIL bit of a point.  But only a LIL bit.  Then she goes, “I think you should put away your scale and your mirrors for a week.”  AND to add insult to the injury, she said, “Don’t worry, most people who are narcissistic just have really low self-esteems and we already knew you had a low self-esteem.”

Ohhhhhhh  kaaaaaaayyyyyyyy

Look – I was already FLOORED by her narcissistic accusation.  SHOCK!  Hello??  She wasn’t supposed to be so BLUNT!  And then she tells me to give up my scale and MIRRORS for a week??  And tells me my narcissism is a front for low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy.  Say WHAT?  I stood up to leave (the session was over) and she added, “Oh and this includes reflections in buildings or glass – but you can look at your face in the mirror if you want.”

I walked out of her office in complete and utter disbelief.  I’m still in a little bit of disbelief.  And then on the way home when I realized how many reflections I had to STOP myself from looking into – HAHAHAHAHAHA that’s when I decided – ok – I’ll do it.  But just because I CAN – even though you all don’t believe that I can.  :)

Tonight – here’s what I’ll be dancing to – with no reflection.  My mirror is covered up.  Oh dang.  Can I really go SEVEN DAYS???

ALRIGHT FINE!!!  Also mending my broken heart.  Stupid -3.  I actually DID imagine having kids with him, imagined a life with him – blah blah blah sappy sappy sappy – let’s just say – I liked my imaginings.  And now??  Now I imagine how great I will look in that sexy lingerie parading in front of a mirror – or maybe (mom just skip the next sentence) MAYBE even ONE DAY parading it in front of a hot rebound.  HAHA!  -3 had asked for pictures and then when he DUMPED me he very astutely observed that “I probably won’t be getting those pictures now will I?”  NO.  Haha – actually I think he will!!  A couple sexy pics (NOT SCANDALOUS THOUGH – I’m from UT) wouldn’t hurt him would it?  In fact I think it would be incredibly gracious of me – a nice way to say “Thank you!” and “Please feel sick at what you are now missing out on.”

Oopsie!  Did I just say that out loud?  NOPE!  But I did type it on a public blog so I think that’s CLOSE enough.

Anyway – back to the point.  I got a little distracted for a second talking about the old man (did I mention he was 42?)  Anyway … because I decided to stay an extra week in Utah I’ve taken this opportunity to spend as much QUALITY time as possible.  :)  YAY!!!  I love quality time.   Quality time = time with my dogs, time with my nieces and nephew and time with my family and close friends.  YAY!!!

BTW!!!  HUGE UPDATE!!!  Everything is back to normal with my family.  I heart them with my ENTIRE HEART (and always have.)  And I hear I have a pretty hefty heart so that’s a LOT.  :)  And it’s been a wonderful dream to spend time with all of them like we used to before things went a little sour.  Nothing better to heal a heart than a little unconditional family love.  oxoxoxoxo

Here’s a little video of some of my family – we’re just being silly and having fun.  This is what I call quality time.  :)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjBa-0l3BGM[/youtube]

The International Student Adviser suggested I go home for the winter break.  [insert look of death]  I told her I didn’t think I wanted to.  I haven’t booked my ticket home.  I haven’t put my room up for hire and I haven’t even looked at a calendar to see how many weeks until I COULD go home.  I don’t care.  Yes that’s right.  Daisy – the girl who had a 16 week countdown last semester and couldn’t WAIT to get home now doesn’t care.

The counselor argued “Yeah but what about your family?”  Well I talk to my mom or dad every day or every other day but if I go home I have to face the fact that recently my brothers chose to exclude me from their lives – going home HURTS.  She counters, “Right but you have such a solid support group there.”  Well yeah sure I have friends there but I keep in touch with some of them here.  And as far as going to parties – I can do that here or there.  She tries again, “But the weather here will be terrible.  It will rain almost every day.  It’s only for a month or two.  Go home and recharge.”  haha!  Nice try.  I don’t mind the rain.  In fact, the rain quite suits me as of late.

Then she stabs me in the heart.  “But what about your dogs?”

DARN DARN DARN DARN DARN DARN IT!  And that’s when I realize I’ve completely lost myself.  What is going on?  What is my problem?  What happened to me?  I should be COUNTING DOWN the very days until I can see them again.

My heart received the biggest jolt.  My reality shaken.

Suddenly I could HEAR everything she was trying to tell me.  Yes, yes.   There IS something wrong.  Yes – there is a problem.  It’s been going on for a year now.  And yes, when my brothers walked out of my life it got significantly worse.  So YES I will go see your other counselor even though I don’t want to.  And YES I will go see that other Dr who is not going to like what I tell him.  Yes I will read your stupid packet of information.  Yes I will keep a journal of stupid things that I DO NOT WANT TO KEEP TRACK of for you.  And finally yes I will see you in a week, and another week, and another week.

And though I slightly resent it, yes I will get better.

And it is at this point that I realize my dogs have once again saved me from myself.

Bonnie Lad’s GF explained it well.  “Oh yeah the Sydney stone, it takes all ‘em nice firm bits, tha’ones that were so grand ‘n like, yeah it just turns em into wobbly bits.”

Wobbly bits.

I don’t want any wobbly bits.  No, no.  MY BITS – I’d much prefer to keep ‘em grand ‘n like – thank you.  So what’s the next latest and greatest obsession/fad/phase that I’m signing up for?  [shake my head in slight dismay]  I don’t know.  But she (the naturalist) said take this, this, this, this, this, this, this, AND add this, this, this, this to your diet and then also change up your workout routine.  Wow – ok so that’s a lot of stuff.

But fine.  Whatever.  I’ll do it.

BUT THEN she said, “Oh and no sugar, honey, or really any fruit for 14 days. ”

WHAT?

Look – I was willing to take this, this, this, this, this, this and ALL OF THAT OTHER STUFF and I was willing to ADD this, this, this and ALL OF THAT OTHER STUFF and I was even willing to shake up my exercise plan.  But please tell me that she did NOT just say no sugar, honey or fruit for 14 days.

But she did.

And I said, “Ok.”

But I only said ok because this is a “jump start” plan – I’ll be back to NORMAL stuff in 2 weeks (or so she says I will be.)  So what’s the magical new plan?  I’ll tell you:

All Day:  2 liters of water

Breakfast – 400 mg Hydroxycitric acid (pill A,) 500 mg Boulardii (pill B,) 8 oz. Rice Protein Drink made with Rice milk, 1 tsp Psyllium Husks and if I want I may also have gluten-free muesli.

Low Tea – 10-12 almonds

Lunch: Pill A, 1 Glucose Manager (Pill C,) 2 slices multi-grain gluten-free bread, 95 g of Tuna and some veggies if I want.   Or salad may be substituted for the bread.

High Tea – 10-12 almonds

Dinner: Pill A, Pill B, Pill C, some type of meat (making sure to have red meat 2x per week,) broccoli or zucchini, and either a sweet potato or brown rice.

Nightcap – Licorice Legs Tea

I’m just so-gee-whiz-thrilled – or something like that.   No – to be honest – it’s not really all that bad.  Is it?  It will just take a certain degree of discipline and determination (things I have.)  She thinks I should be able to lose 3-5 kilos in 2 weeks with this.  Fingers crossed!!  I’ll let you know how it goes. 

~The Portrait of a Lady ~Henry James~ (I swear it’s eerie the way I relate to this book.  )

My head is spinning a little today.  In fact it’s been spinning for a few days. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 to be exact.  What is UP may actually be down and what is down may actually be sdrawkcab and inside out.  It’s not really one particular thing – though there is one particular thing that seems to be extra swimming around the mad whirlpool of thoughts swirling in my mind – but it’s a multitude of things.  All sorts of things.  Things I really don’t want overflowing in my head!

If you were my mom – here are the signs that would tip you off to things being a bit “off.”

1. I didn’t blog for 2 straight days. And the blogs I DID post this week weren’t the “original posts” for the day.  I couldn’t bring myself to publish those thoughts.
2. I was an hour late to class.  I’m never late to class.
3. I have an ever-growing list of people that I haven’t gotten back to…
4. I washed all of my bedding but didn’t actually put it on my bed – I’m so dumb!  Instead I slept in a mess of sheets.  (This will be changed today however – I’m on a cleaning frenzy – another sign btw.)
5. I started not one but TWO “detox” programs this week.  And the one I started today is so gross but I’m doing it anyway.
6. Last but certainly not least – I am baking today.  Oh yes.  Baking.  And btw – that deserves it’s own post – so I’ll do that tomorrow.  Let’s just say I’m a flippin’ genius.  And now I can officially cross off #1 on Daisy’s New Life Plan. I don’t have to say goodbye to my Presidential dreams after all.
7. Oh just remembered one more.  I only got a 27 out of 30 on this mini-Mensa quiz.  Those who know me will be surprised that I didn’t get a 29.  I knew I wouldn’t get a 30 – but as soon as I hit “submit” I realized my error.  And if I had actually double checked my answers like I would normally do!  Oh well … it was just a mini-test and I didn’t use a calculator or cheat so apparently 27 is still pretty good.

Oh and btw  4 is the number of days I’ve had to go without Skype this week because my wireless connection currently blows.  grr.

Why did I do it?  Because I was bored. I had to wait around for the FedEx guy to arrive and he was taking FOREVER!  Plus everyone knows that logging onto the internet is what you should do when you’re bored.  [umm ...]  So I logged on and updated my status. Within minutes of logging on I had ten new messages.  WHAT?  This site has tons of married people on it – it’s a “networking site” – but we all REALLY know that it’s mostly used for dating. So LUCKY me!  And you! Because I’m sharing the sweet messages I got today:

• Why aren’t you married?  (yep that’s all it said.  Hmm … I know why YOU aren’t with THAT pick-up line!)
• I’m an ex-cop now working in TV.  Hope to hear back from you. 
  
• I stubbled across your profile.  Wanted to say hi.  (You stubbled?  I didn’t know that was a word.)
• Dang!!!, I take it your done with utah? too bad I missed you  (no no sweetie – thank GOODNESS I missed you.)
• Hey Red, how is your day?  I lived in Brisbane for 2 years.  btw I’m a Psychologist.  (Btw – I don’t care and don’t EVER call me “red.”)
• What!  you went to the UofU and didn’t say hey to me.  Do you have any super powers? (YES I DO!!!  Omgosh. How did he know?)
• Thanks for inviting me for a swim!  (What?  But I didn’t … umm … WHAT?)
• What are your favorite guilty pleasures?  (Umm hello?  Go away gross-o.  This isn’t a drama class or a romance novel.)

The others (there were about 12 more by the end of the day) were either acceptable or slight variations of the above.  So what type of responses WILL get a reply from me? Ones that make me laugh. But mostly I just look at the profile pic and go from there.  Let’s be real here – it’s an online networking aka dating site – I’m allowed to be superficial. 

Here’s a pic from New Zealand last week.  My t-shirt says “Stop Youth Obesity” and there’s a chubby boy catapulting a skinny boy off a see-saw.  On a scale from 1-angel to 10-devil – my FM says this puts me at 12. But … but … but …

I can tell you that I never imagined that I’d turn 27 in a foreign country.  And I always imagined I’d feel much more grown up by the time I became ancient and ohsowise in my late 20s.  Shouldn’t I have a full-on, full-blown career by 27?  Shouldn’t I be living in New York City?  Ah well … Sydney’s not too shabby. 

So – what am I doing to celebrate today?  First I’m going to go to sleep (staying up past midnight every night is a terribly immature and mid 20s thing.)  And then if I’m lucky, fate will be kind and I’ll be able to snap a pic of that macho fannypack strutting man at the Junction.  Oh if only I could be so lucky …

Anywho – since I’m only a few minutes into my late 20s I don’t have anything profound to share with you yet … maybe by tonight when I’ve been ohsowise for 12+ hours I’ll have something wonderfully fantastic to share…  But so as not to disappoint – please allow me to share a profound thought and a few beautiful pictures from my Sunday morning walk:

Profound Thought – “You are what you eat – and tonight I’m passionfruit gelato.” haha!  Just teasing – how about this:

Man makes plans; God laughs.

Quite a fitting thought for me on my birthday, yes?

Can you believe this view?

Have I mentioned how much I love TAKING pictures?  Not just of myself either. 

We were out walking for 4 hours today.

Which is good because I have like 5-10 kg (10-15 lbs) to lose!!!

Speaking of weight … I decided to give up my self-consciousness for a day…

And notso rocked a bikini at the beach yesterday …

I felt super self-conscious and was relieved to get in the water – EXCEPT

It’s been awhile since I wore a bikini like that so I wasn’t prepared for the waves and …

I learned the hard way that if you’re not careful, you’ll 1-butt-cheek-flash people.

And then I learned the hard way that big waves like the ones yesterday ALSO can make you accidentally 2-butt-cheek-flash people (or “moon” – whichever you prefer)

And then I learned the hard way that these same waves can make you do the “no-bikini-bottom” flash …

And last but not least, I learned those waves ALSO make you boob-flash people.

Wow – ok – so yay for Bondi!  They got more than they bargained for yesterday.  But it’s all good.  I was on the Gay Side of the beach (yes – it’s true – there is a Gay Side and they are VERY proud if it) so even though I was flashing people left and right (on accident) no one was perving.  Haha!  Except for ME – I’ve never seen so many perfectly chiseled and hot men in one place in my life.  The Gay Side of the beach is now the side for me.

Here is a short and moving 4 minute video on Eating Disorders.

OK – NOW to the FUN STUFF!!!!  YAY!!!

I’d like to give a shout out to my Ultimate BFF –

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

This is an email from my FM.  UDB has been contacting me a LOT.  And he also has been trying to book time with me a week in advance!!!  I almost agreed to see him again … until FM sent me the following.

Daisy,

It seems UDB is not going to surrender and won’t accept rejection. He will keep trying until he gets his way..

Here’s some definitions of the term “lets catch up”:

if it’s from a past fling (especially players like UDB or Captain Charisma)
“catch up” means – let’s meet so I can use my great talents of persuasion, (cos’ I know I’m good), and hopefully we’ll pash [make-out] later

if its from a good friend (eg BFA or Matty Matt)
“catch up” means – its been ages, what’s going on lately? You’re fun to hang out with.. (No other motives).

see the difference?

Players:

- won’t call you during the week just to say hello but may call you to arrange a ‘catch up’
- will contact you once a week. That leaves him 6 other days to go out with other girls during the week.
- will arrange to catch up last minute if he’s in the area. (booty text)
- won’t meet your flatmates when he comes over to the house
- too cool to hang out with you at a party, in case there may be better girls around or other cool friends
- will call you after the party’s over and he hasn’t scored yet

Back to UDB.
He’s trying much harder now cos’ you’ve been rejecting him. He’s never worked so hard to get a woman before, so it’s a good challenge and will be a great ego boost if he gets you again.   Remember how bad he made you feel after your last date? There is no excuse and should be no more chances for him.

Why?
- He’s a tool
- He does not treat you right
- He’s got other choices
- You’ve got better choices and meet men everytime you step out
- He just wants to pash, you want substance and they are lining up
- Don’t lower yourself to be with him
- You’re not easy
- You have to be a bi*c# sometimes & teach idiots a lesson

There’s lots more but this is not a 1000 word essay.

later. x

So there you have it.  A complete breakdown of a DB.  Hope you enjoyed it!  My FM makes some very good points.  And while we’re enjoying things please enjoy the other pics of Bondi that I took today on our walk:

Happy Thursday!!  You should all be happy to know that I have said “no” to the last three requests to “catch-up” with UDB. 

I LUV the Venus razor. It’s great right? Right! Well the other day I was going to wear a skirt to a club and though I had shaved my legs that morning with my trusty Venus – I wanted a fresh shave for the night. I didn’t have time to run home so I stopped off at the store and bought the necessary ingredients for a Vegas shave (lotion and a razor.) It works like a charm!

Or at least it does with the Venus.

I was in a hurry and just grabbed a cheap-o disposable razor because my girlfriend said it works just as well in a bind.

Umm …

WRONG!!!

I bet you already see where this is going! Did you see about 40 trillion gajillion little pricks of blood all over my cut-up legs? If you did then you must be psychic! Congrats! That’s a cool superhero power. And I bet you also saw that I would NOT be wearing a skirt because of it either. A great way to save time right? I got to waste even MORE time changing clothes!!!

Life lesson? Don’t trust the people who tell you cheap-o disposable razors are ok in a bind. It’s not true.

And on a positive note I felt like a pre-teen again shaving my legs for the first time. Ah – such happy – terrible horrible very traumatic – memories.  Hooray for me!

Oh and I don’t know why but I feel the need to tell you I’m in love with the song “Day N Nite (Crookers Remix)” by Kid Cudi.

WAIT! Before you think I’m TOO pathetic you should know this wasn’t an ordinary HIGH INTENSITY workout.   No, no.  This was

AAAAB RIPper X

Yes.

We’re not talking about Ab 100, or Ab 200.  Don’t be silly.  This was Ab 339.   Pure torture, compliments of the P90X workout program. Don’t play like you don’t know what P90X is either – it’s only like the coolest infomercial EVER! or so they say – I haven’t actually seen it but thanks to a recommendation from a friend I now own the DVDs.

Gee I just can’t WAIT until tomorrow! I bet my abs will feel like heaven on opposite day.

But it will be worth it.  Soooo worth it.

Or soooo they say.