Category Archives: Vanity

Bic is NOT a Venus Razor

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I SHOULD be too embarrassed to admit this. But should-ing yourself to death is no way to die. I want to go out in a blaze of glory where I COULD-ED myself to death because I actually believed I DID turn into a superhero and could do ANYTHING!! YAY!

I LUV the Venus razor. It’s great right? Right! Well the other day I was going to wear a skirt to a club and though I had shaved my legs that morning with my trusty Venus – I wanted a fresh shave for the night. I didn’t have time to run home so I stopped off at the store and bought the necessary ingredients for a Vegas shave (lotion and a razor.) It works like a charm!

Or at least it does with the Venus.

I was in a hurry and just grabbed a cheap-o disposable razor because my girlfriend said it works just as well in a bind.

Umm …

WRONG!!!

I bet you already see where this is going! Did you see about 40 trillion gajillion little pricks of blood all over my cut-up legs? If you did then you must be psychic! Congrats! That’s a cool superhero power. And I bet you also saw that I would NOT be wearing a skirt because of it either. A great way to save time right? I got to waste even MORE time changing clothes!!!

Life lesson? Don’t trust the people who tell you cheap-o disposable razors are ok in a bind. It’s not true.

And on a positive note I felt like a pre-teen again shaving my legs for the first time. Ah – such happy – terrible horrible very traumatic – memories.  Hooray for me!

Oh and I don’t know why but I feel the need to tell you I’m in love with the song “Day N Nite (Crookers Remix)” by Kid Cudi.

A Laugh at My Expense

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Please enjoy a laugh at my expense.  ) On December 12, 2008, Bitterlawyer.com put me in their “Daily News.” I don’t know anyone from this site – I have no idea how they found my site  – but I could do nothing but laugh when I read what they said.

“Girl with one facial expression (the suck-cheeks-and-pucker-to-look-hotter look) pontificates on why she can’t seem to get her law school applications in the mail. Can procrastination signal lack of interest?  That’s what she said.  [AustralianDaisy.com]“

Sigh.  And LOL!!!!   The hours of hard work perfecting one facial expression have finally paid off.  ;) But maybe it’s time to branch out into more than one.  D

Click HERE to see the bitterlawyer post.

AB Ripper X

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RIGHT NOW I’m listening to my favorite Christmas songs and am wondering how a 17 minute HIGH INTENSITY workout could already have given me sore abs.  I only did it like 2 hours ago!

WAIT! Before you think I’m TOO pathetic you should know this wasn’t an ordinary HIGH INTENSITY workout.   No, no.  This was

AAAAB RIPper X

Yes.

We’re not talking about Ab 100, or Ab 200.  Don’t be silly.  This was Ab 339.   Pure torture, compliments of the P90X workout program. Don’t play like you don’t know what P90X is either – it’s only like the coolest infomercial EVER! or so they say – I haven’t actually seen it but thanks to a recommendation from a friend I now own the DVDs. D

Gee I just can’t WAIT until tomorrow! I bet my abs will feel like heaven on opposite day.

But it will be worth it.  Soooo worth it.

Or soooo they say.

Why is your stomach fat?

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Have I mentioned lately that I’m a weight-conscious freak? Anyway – blah blah blah – I gained 12 lbs when I moved here.

I Love Fatty

AGH!  It infuriated me!  But I am pleased to announce that thanks to my pretend detoxing it’s finally starting to come off!  YAY!  I also contribute the weight loss (I’ve lost 7 of the 12 lbs) to Caloriecount.about.com..

I absolutely LOVE caloriecount.about.com.

Love

(and where has this emoticon been all of my life?

This thing measures my protein, fiber, potassium, calories, etc PLUS all the exercise I do.  And all I have to do is type in a few simple things!!  It’s like a caloriecount god.  And if I weren’t already somewhat religious I may just worship the site. Oh wait … Thinking

Oh but that wasn’t even the purpose of this blog. On CalorieCount today I saw the following:

WHY IS YOUR STOMACH FAT?

This is what I learned from clicking on the ad:

  1. Healthy food is a ploy to make you fatter.
  2. Crunches will never give you a six-pack.  It’s a conspiracy.
  3. Cardio is boring.
  4. Diet pills are a waste of money.
  5. Exercise infomercials are a gimmick.

Bucket of Chicken 2

Whoa!  It’s like all of the sudden I understand!  I’m “fat” because of a huge conspiracy theory!!  The world is trying to make me fat!!!  Thank goodness I no longer have to take responsibility!! Thank you stupid advertisement!!  Because BEFORE I read the ad I kind of figured maybe it had to do with diet, laziness, or exercise.  I was so wrong. 

Lost in thought

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Today I went for a little walk to clear my head, a therapeutic stroll if you will.  I’m still on this detox til you die kick and a daily 100% fruit Boost Juice from the local Bondi Boost Juice is on the menu.  A delightfully refreshing break from hours upon seemingly endless hours of essay writing.  It’s the end of the semester (as I’ve mentioned) and that means loads more work.

I float over the .6 miles or 1 km to the juice stand.  I’ve walked this route so many times that my body is on cruise control, my mind is free to roam.  I take my iPod and listen to a relaxing mix of Joshua Radin, Ingrid Michealson, Ray LaMontagne, and others which now includes my new favorite, “Little Waltz” by Basia Bulat.

“You and I, we make a grand salute.  Stare at each other, like lost little birds across the room.  And I remember the way you looked.  I learned how to dance, but I’d never shown it to you …” – Basia Bulat – Little Waltz

The song floods me with nonspecific nostalgia, I listen to it on repeat.

“A watermelon crush with lemon please.  Yes with lemon please.”  I always ask for lemon.  It’s not supposed to have lemon but I ask for it anyway.  I like it tart.  The watermelon is for my kidneys.  Well – it’s supposed to be good for my kidneys.  I like to keep my kidneys happy.  It was they who helped me to discover 5 months ago that I’m gluten intolerant.

I detour on the way back and walk along the beach.  It’s a lovely 82F and there is a subtle ocean breeze that takes that tiny little edge off the heat.

I wonder if the women who were inspirations for the famous grafitti strip along Bondi Beach know their images are enshrined there.  “Chloe who wears a flower in her hair,” it says.  One of my dogs is named Chloe.  I tried to put a flower in her fur one time but she barked in protest.

My thoughts wander to my girls.  I smile.  I can’t help it.  I keep my feelings and thoughts hidden most of the time, but when I succomb to daydreams and memories I can’t help but to wear my thoughts and emotions for the world to see.  I have to be careful, I have found myself chuckling out loud.

Like the time I caught little Duchess pulling fat and bumbly Chloe (who was upside down and on her back) around by a tug rope.  Chloe was growling but was too lazy to do anything about it.  So she just let her sister drag her around – upside down – fat speckled belly exposed to the world.  I always laugh out loud when I remember that.

I like this alone time – this time for myself – this time to myself.