Category Archives: Vanity

Pick-up lines and the t-shirt that solidified my super-villian status

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Allow me to elucidate. ;) I did NOT join the popular Utah link-up site which will remain nameless for the purposes of dating. I did it as a – well – kind of as a challenge.  My BFF Matty Matt and I wanted to see how many profile views I would get in one week.  I hit 2nd most viewed profile and called it good.  I didn’t log on again.  Until today.

Why did I do it?  Because I was bored. I had to wait around for the FedEx guy to arrive and he was taking FOREVER!  Plus everyone knows that logging onto the internet is what you should do when you’re bored.  [umm ...]  So I logged on and updated my status. Within minutes of logging on I had ten new messages.  WHAT?  This site has tons of married people on it – it’s a “networking site” – but we all REALLY know that it’s mostly used for dating. So LUCKY me!  And you! Because I’m sharing the sweet messages I got today:

  • Why aren’t you married?  (yep that’s all it said.  Hmm … I know why YOU aren’t with THAT pick-up line!)
  • I’m an ex-cop now working in TV.  Hope to hear back from you. 
  • I stubbled across your profile.  Wanted to say hi.  (You stubbled?  I didn’t know that was a word.)
  • Dang!!!, I take it your done with utah? too bad I missed you  (no no sweetie – thank GOODNESS I missed you.)
  • Hey Red, how is your day?  I lived in Brisbane for 2 years.  btw I’m a Psychologist.  (Btw – I don’t care and don’t EVER call me “red.”)
  • What!  you went to the UofU and didn’t say hey to me.  Do you have any super powers? (YES I DO!!!  Omgosh. How did he know?)
  • Thanks for inviting me for a swim!  (What?  But I didn’t … umm … WHAT?)
  • What are your favorite guilty pleasures?  (Umm hello?  Go away gross-o.  This isn’t a drama class or a romance novel.)

The others (there were about 12 more by the end of the day) were either acceptable or slight variations of the above.  So what type of responses WILL get a reply from me? Ones that make me laugh. But mostly I just look at the profile pic :) and go from there.  Let’s be real here – it’s an online networking aka dating site – I’m allowed to be superficial.  :)

Here’s a pic from New Zealand last week.  My t-shirt says “Stop Youth Obesity” and there’s a chubby boy catapulting a skinny boy off a see-saw.  On a scale from 1-angel to 10-devil – my FM says this puts me at 12. But … but … but …

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It’s official – I’ve hit my late 20s

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When may I start lying about my age?  I guess it’s never too soon to start is it?  Hmm … what age do I want to be this year?  I don’t think 27 is the age I want to be right now.  Why does it even matter?  I suppose it doesn’t.  Or does it?  I’m really not sure.

I can tell you that I never imagined that I’d turn 27 in a foreign country.  And I always imagined I’d feel much more grown up by the time I became ancient and ohsowise in my late 20s.  Shouldn’t I have a full-on, full-blown career by 27?  Shouldn’t I be living in New York City?  Ah well … Sydney’s not too shabby.  ;)

So – what am I doing to celebrate today?  First I’m going to go to sleep (staying up past midnight every night is a terribly immature and mid 20s thing.)  And then if I’m lucky, fate will be kind and I’ll be able to snap a pic of that macho fannypack strutting man at the Junction.  Oh if only I could be so lucky …

Anywho – since I’m only a few minutes into my late 20s I don’t have anything profound to share with you yet … maybe by tonight when I’ve been ohsowise for 12+ hours I’ll have something wonderfully fantastic to share…  But so as not to disappoint – please allow me to share a profound thought and a few beautiful pictures from my Sunday morning walk:

Profound Thought – “You are what you eat – and tonight I’m passionfruit gelato.” haha!  Just teasing – how about this:

Man makes plans; God laughs.

Quite a fitting thought for me on my birthday, yes?

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Can you believe this view?

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Have I mentioned how much I love TAKING pictures?  Not just of myself either.  :)

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We were out walking for 4 hours today.

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Which is good because I have like 5-10 kg (10-15 lbs) to lose!!!

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Speaking of weight … I decided to give up my self-consciousness for a day…

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And notso rocked a bikini at the beach yesterday …

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I felt super self-conscious and was relieved to get in the water – EXCEPT

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It’s been awhile since I wore a bikini like that so I wasn’t prepared for the waves and …

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I learned the hard way that if you’re not careful, you’ll 1-butt-cheek-flash people.

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And then I learned the hard way that big waves like the ones yesterday ALSO can make you accidentally 2-butt-cheek-flash people (or “moon” – whichever you prefer)

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And then I learned the hard way that these same waves can make you do the “no-bikini-bottom” flash …

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And last but not least, I learned those waves ALSO make you boob-flash people.

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Wow – ok – so yay for Bondi!  They got more than they bargained for yesterday.  But it’s all good.  I was on the Gay Side of the beach (yes – it’s true – there is a Gay Side and they are VERY proud if it) so even though I was flashing people left and right (on accident) no one was perving.  Haha!  Except for ME – I’ve never seen so many perfectly chiseled and hot men in one place in my life.  The Gay Side of the beach is now the side for me.

Nice GUY vs DB – and NEDAW

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Hello everyone!  So before we get into the difference between a nice guy and a DB, I wanted to take a moment and let you know that it is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.  Eating disorders are a pretty serious thing and if you have one – seek help!  I’m thin now – but 8 years ago I weighed 28 – yes TWENTY EIGHT – pounds less than I do now.  I was the same height. Here is a pic of me TODAY.  I went out walking with my FM and YES – I do look like a disaster and could stand to lose 10 lbs but that’s not the point.  :) Can you imagine me 28 lbs (12.7 kg) thinner?

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Here is a short and moving 4 minute video on Eating Disorders.

OK – NOW to the FUN STUFF!!!!  :) YAY!!!

I’d like to give a shout out to my Ultimate BFF –

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! :)

This is an email from my FM.  UDB has been contacting me a LOT.  And he also has been trying to book time with me a week in advance!!!  I almost agreed to see him again … until FM sent me the following.

Daisy,

It seems UDB is not going to surrender and won’t accept rejection. He will keep trying until he gets his way..

Here’s some definitions of the term “lets catch up”:

if it’s from a past fling (especially players like UDB or Captain Charisma)
“catch up” means – let’s meet so I can use my great talents of persuasion, (cos’ I know I’m good), and hopefully we’ll pash [make-out] later

if its from a good friend (eg BFA or Matty Matt)
“catch up” means – its been ages, what’s going on lately? You’re fun to hang out with.. (No other motives).

see the difference?

Players:

- won’t call you during the week just to say hello but may call you to arrange a ‘catch up’
- will contact you once a week. That leaves him 6 other days to go out with other girls during the week.
- will arrange to catch up last minute if he’s in the area. (booty text)
- won’t meet your flatmates when he comes over to the house
- too cool to hang out with you at a party, in case there may be better girls around or other cool friends
- will call you after the party’s over and he hasn’t scored yet

Back to UDB.
He’s trying much harder now cos’ you’ve been rejecting him. He’s never worked so hard to get a woman before, so it’s a good challenge and will be a great ego boost if he gets you again.   Remember how bad he made you feel after your last date? There is no excuse and should be no more chances for him.

Why?
- He’s a tool
- He does not treat you right
- He’s got other choices
- You’ve got better choices and meet men everytime you step out
- He just wants to pash, you want substance and they are lining up
- Don’t lower yourself to be with him
- You’re not easy
- You have to be a bi*c# sometimes & teach idiots a lesson

There’s lots more but this is not a 1000 word essay.

later. x

So there you have it.  A complete breakdown of a DB.  :) Hope you enjoyed it!  My FM makes some very good points.  And while we’re enjoying things :) please enjoy the other pics of Bondi that I took today on our walk:

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Happy Thursday!!  You should all be happy to know that I have said “no” to the last three requests to “catch-up” with UDB.  :)

I’m back!!!

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I’m back!!! I had a TON of fun this past week!!! But wow – it feels good to be back at a computer!!! The last time I wrote, I was on the cruise ship reeling from the notification that my application for the Uni of Syd is STILL having issues and from some dude’s ego-wounding blow-off. [which btw – he attempted to smooth things over but it was too late. Someone had already taken his spot as my Numero Uno Cruise Crush. WHAT? Shocking!!! And don’t act like you’re surprised please. ))

Here are some things that have crossed my mind over the last little bit – as well as some pics from the first couple days of the trip.

1.I have the coolest dogs EVER and I wouldn’t trade being a doggy mommy for anything in the world.

2.I was asked out on a date by 3 different boys for tomorrow – with 100% surety that boy 4 will also ask.  Yikes!!!  4 date options for ONE DAY – crrrrrazy!  Boy 3 (aka Numero Uno Cruise Crush) will be my pick.  I’m excited to see him tomorrow.  My Cruise Crush was supposed to end at 9:00 am this morning when the cruise was over – but he asked for a 4 day extension.  lol.  As it stands now he has until I go  back to Sydney… but I don’t think it will be quite so easy for me to turn it on and off according to preset time lines.
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3.Kindred spirits are the BEST!!! Royann and Tracy (center) are my two new friends. They tell people I am their long lost sister. I LOVE it!!!

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4. It’s amazing how one week can change things.

5.  I’m not used to being on land yet and I keep feeling like the ground is moving.

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6.The University of Sydney blows chunks. And that is so gross – yay! No but for real – who in the world says things like that? Me. Because it does. And I hate the University of Sydney.

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7. Video memories are freaking cool and I need to remember to take more videos!

8.  Someone sent me a text from a 702 area code asking me about the cruise – which means they are a friend – but I have NO IDEA who it is!!!  Ooops!!

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9. Remember that time I told myself I would never ever talk about my blog in public again? No? Apparently I didn’t either. Darn it! And now CC+4 may read my blog – ooh – I’m so lucky – in the oh so sucky way.

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10. I’m glad I don’t have any little sisters.

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11. I’m 1 lb away from what I thought my ideal weight was – but now that I’m there I want to lose another 10. Yikes!

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12. I love getting my teeth bleached (it’s a sickness.)  ;)

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13. Raspberry sorbet is delicious.

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14. I think I ate my weight in chocolate chips today.

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15. After a week of only 4-5 hours of sleep every night I’m EXHAUSTED!!! This will be all for tonight – I’ll write more tomorrow! I hope you all had great weeks!!!