Category Archives: I’m a weight conscious freak

My little upside down world is going to right itself

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It’s now the afternoon of a fantastically beautiful day.  I’ve showered, am about to get ready for what should be a rowdy night on the town.  Yeah – hopefully it will be fun.  I had an offer to stay in tonight but there’s something soothing about losing yourself in a crowd.   As you slowly work yourself into the center of attention you are no longer the lost little girl whose younger brother disappeared from her life, you are no longer the lost little girl with no older brothers to turn to, you are no longer the lost little girl who feels more and more lonely every day despite your ever growing social circle. And more than all of this?  You are no longer the ridiculous little girl who is obsessed with her weight.

The International Student Adviser suggested I go home for the winter break.  [insert look of death]  I told her I didn’t think I wanted to.  I haven’t booked my ticket home.  I haven’t put my room up for hire and I haven’t even looked at a calendar to see how many weeks until I COULD go home.  I don’t care.  Yes that’s right.  Daisy – the girl who had a 16 week countdown last semester and couldn’t WAIT to get home now doesn’t care.

The counselor argued “Yeah but what about your family?”  Well I talk to my mom or dad every day or every other day but if I go home I have to face the fact that recently my brothers chose to exclude me from their lives – going home HURTS.  She counters, “Right but you have such a solid support group there.”  Well yeah sure I have friends there but I keep in touch with some of them here.  And as far as going to parties – I can do that here or there.  She tries again, “But the weather here will be terrible.  It will rain almost every day.  It’s only for a month or two.  Go home and recharge.”  haha!  Nice try.  I don’t mind the rain.  In fact, the rain quite suits me as of late.

Then she stabs me in the heart.  “But what about your dogs?”

DARN DARN DARN DARN DARN DARN IT!  And that’s when I realize I’ve completely lost myself.  What is going on?  What is my problem?  What happened to me?  I should be COUNTING DOWN the very days until I can see them again.

My heart received the biggest jolt.  My reality shaken.

Suddenly I could HEAR everything she was trying to tell me.  Yes, yes.   There IS something wrong.  Yes – there is a problem.  It’s been going on for a year now.  And yes, when my brothers walked out of my life it got significantly worse.  So YES I will go see your other counselor even though I don’t want to.  And YES I will go see that other Dr who is not going to like what I tell him.  Yes I will read your stupid packet of information.  Yes I will keep a journal of stupid things that I DO NOT WANT TO KEEP TRACK of for you.  And finally yes I will see you in a week, and another week, and another week.

And though I slightly resent it, yes I will get better.

And it is at this point that I realize my dogs have once again saved me from myself.

Breathe me – Sia

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I don’t have much to say today.  This song is a bit how I feel …

[audio:http://www.therealkylestewart.com/biscuits/jan08/Breathe_Me.mp3|autostart=yes]

Wobbly bits, the Sydney stone and ANOTHER diet

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They call it the Sydney Stone.  I call it a big sucks.  What are we talking about?  The weight people gain when moving to Sydney.  I gained it the FIRST time I moved here but then I LOST IT ALL when I went home.  But then I moved back and GUESS WHAT?  I bet you’d NEVER EVER EVER guess – btw – I’m on one today – I gained it back.

Bonnie Lad’s GF explained it well.  “Oh yeah the Sydney stone, it takes all ‘em nice firm bits, tha’ones that were so grand ‘n like, yeah it just turns em into wobbly bits.”

Wobbly bits.

I don’t want any wobbly bits.  No, no.  MY BITS – I’d much prefer to keep ‘em grand ‘n like – thank you.  So what’s the next latest and greatest obsession/fad/phase that I’m signing up for?  [shake my head in slight dismay]  I don’t know.  But she (the naturalist) said take this, this, this, this, this, this, this, AND add this, this, this, this to your diet and then also change up your workout routine.  Wow – ok so that’s a lot of stuff.

But fine.  Whatever.  I’ll do it.

BUT THEN she said, “Oh and no sugar, honey, or really any fruit for 14 days. ”

WHAT?

Look – I was willing to take this, this, this, this, this, this and ALL OF THAT OTHER STUFF and I was willing to ADD this, this, this and ALL OF THAT OTHER STUFF and I was even willing to shake up my exercise plan.  But please tell me that she did NOT just say no sugar, honey or fruit for 14 days.

But she did.

And I said, “Ok.”

But I only said ok because this is a “jump start” plan – I’ll be back to NORMAL stuff in 2 weeks (or so she says I will be.)  So what’s the magical new plan?  I’ll tell you:

All Day:  2 liters of water

Breakfast – 400 mg Hydroxycitric acid (pill A,) 500 mg Boulardii (pill B,) 8 oz. Rice Protein Drink made with Rice milk, 1 tsp Psyllium Husks and if I want I may also have gluten-free muesli.

Low Tea – 10-12 almonds

Lunch: Pill A, 1 Glucose Manager (Pill C,) 2 slices multi-grain gluten-free bread, 95 g of Tuna and some veggies if I want.   Or salad may be substituted for the bread.

High Tea – 10-12 almonds

Dinner: Pill A, Pill B, Pill C, some type of meat (making sure to have red meat 2x per week,) broccoli or zucchini, and either a sweet potato or brown rice.

Nightcap – Licorice Legs Tea

I’m just so-gee-whiz-thrilled – or something like that.   No – to be honest – it’s not really all that bad.  Is it?  It will just take a certain degree of discipline and determination (things I have.)  She thinks I should be able to lose 3-5 kilos in 2 weeks with this.  Fingers crossed!!  I’ll let you know how it goes.  :)