Category Archives: I hate that evil scale with the hate of a thousand furies.

AB Ripper X

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RIGHT NOW I’m listening to my favorite Christmas songs and am wondering how a 17 minute HIGH INTENSITY workout could already have given me sore abs.  I only did it like 2 hours ago!

WAIT! Before you think I’m TOO pathetic you should know this wasn’t an ordinary HIGH INTENSITY workout.   No, no.  This was

AAAAB RIPper X

Yes.

We’re not talking about Ab 100, or Ab 200.  Don’t be silly.  This was Ab 339.   Pure torture, compliments of the P90X workout program. Don’t play like you don’t know what P90X is either – it’s only like the coolest infomercial EVER! or so they say – I haven’t actually seen it but thanks to a recommendation from a friend I now own the DVDs. D

Gee I just can’t WAIT until tomorrow! I bet my abs will feel like heaven on opposite day.

But it will be worth it.  Soooo worth it.

Or soooo they say.

Why is your stomach fat?

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Have I mentioned lately that I’m a weight-conscious freak? Anyway – blah blah blah – I gained 12 lbs when I moved here.

I Love Fatty

AGH!  It infuriated me!  But I am pleased to announce that thanks to my pretend detoxing it’s finally starting to come off!  YAY!  I also contribute the weight loss (I’ve lost 7 of the 12 lbs) to Caloriecount.about.com..

I absolutely LOVE caloriecount.about.com.

Love

(and where has this emoticon been all of my life?

This thing measures my protein, fiber, potassium, calories, etc PLUS all the exercise I do.  And all I have to do is type in a few simple things!!  It’s like a caloriecount god.  And if I weren’t already somewhat religious I may just worship the site. Oh wait … Thinking

Oh but that wasn’t even the purpose of this blog. On CalorieCount today I saw the following:

WHY IS YOUR STOMACH FAT?

This is what I learned from clicking on the ad:

  1. Healthy food is a ploy to make you fatter.
  2. Crunches will never give you a six-pack.  It’s a conspiracy.
  3. Cardio is boring.
  4. Diet pills are a waste of money.
  5. Exercise infomercials are a gimmick.

Bucket of Chicken 2

Whoa!  It’s like all of the sudden I understand!  I’m “fat” because of a huge conspiracy theory!!  The world is trying to make me fat!!!  Thank goodness I no longer have to take responsibility!! Thank you stupid advertisement!!  Because BEFORE I read the ad I kind of figured maybe it had to do with diet, laziness, or exercise.  I was so wrong. 

Aw – MIUB made me feel better!

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Monday night I went out with My Flattie and Dr. Sarcastic. We caught up for a gluten-loaded Japanese dinner and I am SO paying the consequences today. Can we say ELEPHANT? Ah well … I’m still 4 lbs lighter than when I declared war on BFA’s scale but even still … it’s what I like to call a BIG SUCKS!!! I’m going back to super high maintenance. Why oh why can’t I just be the fabulous weight from when I first arrived and had lost a TON of weight from food poisoning?

Anyway … Dr. Sarcastic was an arrogant jerk was so super funny! I absolutely LOVED that he called me a country bumpkin. And I loved it even more when he took his serious “I hate to break it to you” tone and explained to me why I really am country.

His reasoning? Even though I’m incredibly independent, living 8,000+ miles away from my family ALL ALONE, am intelligent, care about the latest trends and fashions, am a perfectionist and amibitious … well … you see … I like stereotypical pink roles and I have no problems with a guy who wants to do the stereotypical blue roles. So that TOTALLY makes me country. Oh and because I’m friendly, smile, don’t appear jaded and want a family. [frustrated grumbling]

Needless to say I was a bit frustrated by the whole thing and YAY! :) Most Important Utah Boy (MIUB) found me on IM last night. I SOOOO needed to talk and he knew exactly what to say (though there is a good chance it was completely accidental.) Anyway … MIUB and I both know that MIUB is in no way country. At all. In fact, there is a chance he’s more high maintenance than I am.

I told MIUB what “country” means (according to Dr. Sarcastic) and here is how he replied, “I guess it’s all about where you grow up. So I guess that also means that I am looking for a country girl to settle down with… which makes me country too.”

Simple words. But they made me feel a whole ton better. Why? Because he’s not country and he has the same aversion to being called country. Plus, instead of telling me to ignore the comments, or trying to justify why people call me country, he gave me the benefit of all of my feelings and took the “horrible label” as his own too. If I am country then a whole lot of people in Salt Lake are as well – including him.

So yeah … there you have it. MIUB can be a total jerk but he was a good friend last night.