I talked to Homeslice today. His call was perfect timing. So much on my mind – TOO much on my mind. He keeps accidentally rescuing me.
He gets me. He sees the way I work. He can follow my trains of thought and he knows where I’ll go with them, mostly. This would be great and fantastic and all but you’re not supposed to stay friends with former teammates – ESPECIALLY ones with bipolar baseball disorder!! BUT his heart appears to be bigger than the DOUCHE rooted deep in his psyche, so I’ve decided to accept and acknowledge he’s a douche, straight up jerkturd. HOWEVER he is a VERY good friend. In fact he’s pretty much my best friend – so as a bestie he will remain.
Tonight he accidentally helped me by suggesting, in absolute outrageousness, that I give up my dogs. And no he wasn’t joking.


I gasped in shock – I couldn’t help it. WTF was he thinking?


These girls are my life! And I quite frankly owe them my life. I thought I was rescuing THEM but learned quickly it was them who rescued me.


PLUS I love them so much I gave up my pride just so that we could stay together. Yes – that’s right. I moved HOME because although I can afford to live on my own – I can’t afford to live in a place where they would have a nice yard and be comfortable. I wouldn’t trust roommates with my dogs and they are just too big for apartment living. :-/


I got choked up (something I VERY rarely do) as I was telling Homeslice giving up my dogs was NOT an option. I made a commitment when I adopted these girls that I would take care of them for as long as they live.

Sure, they COULD be “happy” anywhere but NO ONE can ever take my place in their hearts. They love lots of people – but they are bonded to me. And even though I lived away from them for almost 2 years and they were loved, adored, and cared for while I was gone – they never latched onto their new caretakers the way they did and still DO to me.


And that’s when I realized/remembered that even if I feel like I am a little lost, struggling to find purpose, can’t find my direction and even if I feel hopeless. I DO have a reason to keep on kicking. If it is not a possibility in my mind to give them up because NO ONE will be as good for them as I am – how could I possibly force them to give ME up? How could I do something which would cause them to lose me?

I’ve had a tougher life than I like to admit. Sometimes the idea of living even just to senior citizen status scares me. It just feels like more than I want to bear! And I don’t see a point. However, if I set aside “forever” and just focus on sticking around for a few more years (while they grow to old age), THAT I can manage. THAT isn’t intimidating. It’s just a few years. Time flies. And who knows – maybe in a few years I’ll have a new outlook on life.








