Category Archives: And I was like … umm … WHAT???

You mean a kiss ISN’T a contract for marriage?

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I sent CC+4 who is now CC-450 a courtesy email yesterday to see how an appt. went because that’s what friends do and blah blah whatever who cares right?  right.  HOWEVER it reminded me of THIS POST which I never published.  But it’s a GGGRRRRR-ATE! one so please enjoy.

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March 23, 2009

Ordinarily I would forward music onto CC-450 HOWEVER I’m afraid he may believe that a song is like the second witness signature (next to the kiss) on the contract for marriage? Say what? Are you confused yet? me too.

Someone, who will remain nameless but has 2 “C”s and a “-450″ in his code name, ACTUALLY ASKED ME, “You’re not like the type of girl who like… well you don’t think … I mean you don’t think if you kiss a guy it means …  umm … like you’re not one of those girls that thinks a kiss means like marriage are you?”

[pause.  long pause.]
[pause some more.  look to the side quizzically.]
[look straight again.  what did he just say?]

You’re not the type of girl who thinks a kiss is a contract for marriage are you?

Whew.  I thought maybe he said something else.  Glad we got that straight.

Umm hello!  OF COURSE I THINK A KISS IS A CONTRACT FOR MARRIAGE! And this is why, in pursuit of my dream to be the world’s most famous bigamist, I made sure to kiss him, Adorable Boy, Glitter Boy and another boy who will remain nameless all within the same week.  GASP!  DAISY!!!  You kiss slut!!!  How do you live with yourself?? Hey you – yeah YOU – the one judging me – I think that’s just about enough out of you. It wasn’t PLANNED – I mean – wait - just kidding.  It WAS PLANNED because hello?  How am I going to score myself 40 husbands unless I start knocking off those kiss contracts as quickly as possible?

(Though in all fairness to my image, I didn’t kiss any other boys in the northern hemisphere after I kissed CC-450.  No no – I’m a reformed kiss slut.  :D [insert I can't believe I'm writing this])

Wow – ok you still with me?  We’re getting close to the end. :)

Now look … I’m feeling guilty generous, so although I WAS going to count all of the ways in which what he said to me was like the WORST THING TO SAY TO A GIRL EVER (which would have been like a 12km long list) instead let’s just say – he shattered my dreams. Darn it! I’m going to have to rethink EVERYTHING now. If kissing boys doesn’t insure me those illustrious rings so many girls are chasing after – what do I do now?

Oh – oh hold up!  Wait wait.  Just had a thought!  this is a good one.  :) And I swear this is almost over.

Before I go doubting myself just because some boy wanted to make sure I know he isn’t interested in the R word [insert gee really?  thanks mr. obvious] … let’s think back.

Oh yes!  Yes I remember now!

I don’t have to have a broken heart quite yet. I remember now.  I DID get a memo on how kissing IS a contract for marriage. WAHOO!!!

He’s the one who is wrong.

Nice!  Score at LEAST one for Daisy!!  I’ll have to forward him the memo along with another sweet song. I’m pretty sure a diamond ring should come by FedEx in like at most a week right?  ;)

Oh no, no, no – american apparel are you for real? & Stanky Leg? NO!

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Ok so seriously I don’t think ANYONE should be familiar with the new Spring Nouveau: Shine ad campaign by American Apparel.  But at the SAME TIME – it’s so terrifically terrible it puts a little evil grin on my face  – on my sick and fatty swollen face.  Stupid MSG, gluten and who knows what else is in Korean food!!!!  I’ve been sick ALL DAY.  Ok but BACK TO THE POINT!  The new ad campaign:

[insert delightfully evil grin -  oh this is too great in the WORST way.]

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THOSE THINGS ARE SHINY!!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Omgosh – omgosh – omgosh.  If only I could wear that mauve vomit then maybe my life would be complete.  LOL.

And if that wasn’t bad enough – may I present the next article of disastrous goodness:

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A neon and black tie dye bandeau?  At first I was like, “That’s TERRIBLE” but then I noticed how they cleverly paired it with magenta leggings and I changed my tune.  Now I’m like, “Please I want that in my Easter basket.” [insert WIDER evil grin.]

Ah – but the collection isn’t complete without my personal favorite:

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Can fashion get any better than this?  I think not.  Though I’m going to hold off purchasing these beauties until they release a neon version.

Ok – next up on the “Are you for real?” block is Soulja Boy’s “Stanky Leg.”  ARE YOU FOR REAL?  No seriously – for reals yo?  Far out!  That song sucks.  I mean – umm – I mean … it’s deliciously horrible.  heehee.

If I could tweet Soulja Boy here is what I would say:

@soulja boy – I luv you, I luv you, I luv you.  @stanky_leg is so terrible it’s brilliant.  Xx – can’t wait for the “Smelly Armpit” remix.

The latest bitter girl rock band – Tooth Brush Tree feat. Daisy ;)

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Ok – Writing Prompt (click here) 20somethingwriters.com.  Create an Album Cover, backstory and inspiration for your fictional music group based on 3 random texts from 3 not random sources.

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Toothbrush Tree is an edgy girl band with a passion for payback.  With track names like, “You’re my number one DB” and “You’ve been played – playa” to “I don’t get jealous” and “Take your double standards and shove em” you experience firsthand how these girls play the game.  Toothbrush Tree takes bitter lyrics and mixes them with booty shakin’ bass lines and groovin’ tempos so that sass and scorn never sounded better!  Before you know it you’re singing along to “I hate you.  Yes, yes I do.  You say wha? wha? I don’t care.  JustbcuzIkissedya doesn’t mean Iwannaknowya.”

  • Vogue Magazine called it “Empowering album for any woman who has ever felt neglected or scorned.”
  • Women’s Health raved, “Best new workout album for the summer.  Getting in shape as revenge against your ex never felt so good.”

It started while lead singer Daisy was living abroad in Sydney.  “I was fed up with the double standard.  I like to kiss boys.  I like to date.  I like to play.  But this doesn’t mean I fall in love with every guy I crush on.  This album was a way for me to explore the nature of double standards and men whose egos can barely fit into an auditorium.”

“The name ‘Toothbrush Tree’ came from the idea of always needing a spare toothbrush.  If you know what I mean.” [Daisy winks]  “Blindness of Strangers” refers to the idea that you don’t KNOW unless you KNOW.  Judging just isn’t cool.”

mag-cover-copy In a recent interview with RollingStone Daisy stated, “I hope this album reaches out to girls who are feeling neglected and misunderstood.  I want this to reach out to the women who are fed up with men thinking they’re in love with them.  And I want to reach out to the women who have been judged according to a double standard.  Stand up!  No more!  Be empowered.”

Only time will tell, but this reporter predicts Daisy’s gusto and attitude will launch her straight into multi-platinum status.

HAHAHAHAHA!  Ok – there you have it.  Sure sounds like I am a bit bitter eh?  Hmm.  Well it WAS just a writing prompt.  Or was it?  I guess only YOU can decide how much of the content REALLY has to do with my life right now (that is if any of it did.)  :)

How to tell if you are in love according to “The Farmer Wants A Wife”

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Tonight was the season finale for “The Farmer Wants a Wife.”  Remember when I fell in love with the show? I remember that too.  :) I found it refreshing to see people care more about values and substance than looks.  YAY!

Anyway – I’m DISAPPOINTED with the outcome of the show.  Dumb boys.  I guess it doesn’t matter if you’re a farmer or [insert any occupation] if you’re a boy you are dumb should read the book “The Way of The Superior Man.”

Ok so to the big news – if you’re not sure if you’re in love you should ask yourself the following 3 questions:

  1. Do you speak to each other almost every day?
  2. Do you look forward to seeing each other?
  3. Do you feel the other person helps or inspires you be a better person?

If you answered “yes” to all 3 of these questions.  Congratulations!  You’re in love!  [roll my eyes - I kinda think if you're in love you shouldn't need a 3 question test to tell you!!]

Ok – off to homework.  Have a FANTASTIC day!!

My Pretty Sucky Essay and the Ugly Dandelion

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It’s done!!!  hip-hip-hooray!!  It SUCKED.  Yes it SUCKED.  Big time.  Super big time.  However – it’s done!!! and that means I have more time to do other stuff.  :) Here’s the link to the sucky glory of my essay (probably DON’T click HERE)  I haven’t proofread it.  honest to death – in fact – I haven’t even read it.  I wrote it – and then sent it WITHOUT reading it. Not a smart thing to do.  But I’m trying to live life on the edge. :) anyway … it was 1500 words and I resented EVERY SINGLE WORD which is why I haven’t read it over – but my mom said she’d read it – even though she doesn’t want to. :)

NOW BACK TO LIFE.

I have to tell you that I wrote this super great post for today – and then I sent it to my mom and she LOL-d.  And not because she’s my mom – but because it was funny.  :) :) :) BUT THEN SHE SAID TO NOT POST IT – say what?  Yeah – she thinks it would be best to wait because it’s a little TOO current.  So I’ll wait – ohIdon’tknow – a week.  Yeah – a week.  Maybe next week I can tell you about dumb boys.

In the meantime I should tell you a different story.

ONCE  UPON A TIME (oh this will take forever … remember the story of the ugly duckling?  Substitute a dandelion for the duckling and a daisy for the swan and you’ve got the jist of the story. ;) )  Ok so I just spared you 90% of the story.  :) WAHOO!!  I’m being economical.  :)

The part you missed was when this ugly dandelion/tom boy/ NERD was like 10 years old she was diagnosed with asthma.  But it was a hassle and the inhaler WASN’T COOL so she couldn’t be fussed and then FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT!

Fast forward to Daisy time. I went to the Dr. because some days I can jog-it-up left and right and others I feel like I’m going to kill over after 1 minute!  Not cool.  So the Dr. was like, “Hmm – that’s strange.” So he took FOUR vials of blood and gave me a heart x-ray (this was last week) – everything came back normal except he said I need to eat more red meat – and THEN he said, “No one in your family has asthma do they?”

DARN DARN DARN DARN DARN

I smiled.  “Umm … well … I was diagnosed with it when I was like 10 but surely I don’t have it anymore right?”

[long pause.]

Let’s skip the part where he reacted to my news and I felt dumb.  :) We DEFINITELY can skip that part.

Well anyway … he made me do some dumb breathing test at the lab – which I failed – and now I have an inhaler.  LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME.

But the good news is that I go back in one month to see if my daily treatments help.  I’m hoping he’ll tell me it was all a misunderstanding. :) Hey – it could happen.  Sure the asthma thing explains a whole lot – but I’m not convinced.  AND if I fail the breathing test AGAIN in a month I can be like “See?  I DON’T have it – I just have poor breathing test technique.”  :) -IT COULD HAPPEN-