Having goals and having direction in life are not one-in-the-same. I am GREAT at making, working toward, and achieving goals. But direction? Well THAT my friends is an entirely different matter. In THAT particular realm of existence, I have none.
I could recite some scholarly psychological reasons for my lack of direction, I could offer some heart-wrenching excuses – but the fact of the matter is – doing such will not get me any closer to finding my life’s compass than I was before. And this is a very big problem.
I began my Australian journey long before I had ever considered Sydney as a place to live. It began with a sense of unrest. An unspoken yet annoyingly nagging feeling that I needed to be somewhere else, doing something else. I didn’t know where, I didn’t know what, I didn’t know why or how. I only knew that 1. change was necessary, 2. it needed to be big, and 3. it needed to be international.
Other than this my only main life goals were a post-graduate education and hopefully a job doing something I enjoy. So that was it. I tried to envision a more concrete “5 year plan” like WHAT I should major in or WHAT I would like to do as a career but I didn’t even know if I liked sushi, or what was my favorite flavor of gelato! Not that this mattered – the point was I had no idea what I wanted. It seems a funny thing happens when the unexpected becomes the goal – suddenly it becomes very difficult to want or plan anything – those wants or plans can’t be “unexpected” if they’re planned can they?
So I strolled along the avenues of my life, searching for open doors to take me from my street into a world unknown. I figured eventually I’d discover a path and it would just “work out.” When I found the door to Australia open, I ran inside and locked the door behind me. No turning back.
INTERMISSION: I’ve decided to fulfill my promise and post pics from SYTYCD!!! Be warned – they’re pretty flippin amazing 
– though the end of the slideshow got a little messed up – but hey – c’est la vie.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xer812o26tk]
Ok – back to it. There was just one little problem – I still had no idea what I was going to do. I only knew WHERE I was going to do “it.” I had reached my “goal” – big, international change with a bonus helping of post-graduate education – but I had no direction. Peace and Conflict seemed a noble and worthwhile goal – until I discovered that the walls of that hallway were painted with hypocrisy, agendas, and lack of structure.
I backed out of that one and thought “Hmm – Digital Communication sounds nice. Digital IS the way of the future and communication is my thing.” But today as I was doing my research I was told DO NOT MAJOR IN ANYTHING COMMUNICATION- or at least not if you have to pay for it. My source was quite reputable, he recently retired from being the President of a broadcasting company. His opinion is that my degree would be the worst investment and biggest waste of money ever. How’s that for reassuring?
MINI BREAK 
Here is a clip from the show … watch for us on the lefthand balcony of the stage. This was my fave performance and you can totally see us!!! Here is Gianne and BJ. (skip to like 1 minute in to avoid the boring talking part.)
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mI78q-9YY4U]
And now I’m left wondering what the use of goals are if you have no direction. And though of course, indirectly, the whole purpose of this “unexpected” thing was to discover my unexpected but entirely desirable “direction in life” – but I fear I’m as far away from that goal as I ever have been.
I guess the good news is that along the way I’ve learned some pretty amazing things and revived a few old goals – like the whole R word which leads to the L word which leads to the M word (shudder) I didn’t have that in the 5, 10 OR 20 year plan – NOW – well … I am still not planning on it – but I definitely wouldn’t mind considering it.
WHICH BTW – The FM gave me a spreadsheet-ish breakdown of the differences between a DB (like Captain Charisma or U.D.B.) and a nice guy (like the dude from the party on Sunday or potentially CC+4 or Ben but since FM hasn’t met those boys he isn’t willing to call them nice yet.) SO I will post the differences tomorrow.
As well as my view of boys who use emoticons.
AND TO MAKE THIS THE LONGEST POST IN THE WORLD (not so large exaggeration) here’s a sucky one in which we are in MOST of … Talia and Emmanuel (skip like before …)
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9Jn4qDt9wY]
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) and I found this:
You see, “Emoticons are a way of denoting emotion when communicating on the internet,” because “when communicating via the computer, we cannot hear voice inflection, nor can we see the funny, naughty or sad emotions of people’s faces.”
Oh well – it wouldn’t be THAT bad to go home for a few months while I wait for next semester … and I do keep saying that things happen for a reason – so either way – I’ll take it in stride with a smile.