The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

My naive inner cyber child asked my grown-up real life self, “Daisy, where do cyber-babies come from?”  And I have to be honest – I was a little stumped.  Cyber babies?  Wtheck?  And why do I have an inner cyber child?

Anyway, it has been my unfortunate experience as of late, to be the target of cyber-pressure.  Say WHAT??  Yeah.  I know.  I was shocked too.  WTHECK??

Call me naive but I had no idea how similar cyber-dating was to RL dating.  IN FACT – it’s actually worse than real life dating.   Why?  Because I added the word CYBER to the front of it.  And not only does that make it SOUND worse but it also allows for a whole new breed of douchebags.  Cyber Douchebags.  And guess what?  Cyber Douchebags are SUPER douchebags.

So right here and now – I’d just like to throw it out there that I have a Cyber Chastity Belt.  And GUESS WHAT??  I don’t lower my standards just because YOU have an iCloak of anonymity which gives you more courage to cyber hit on me.  And want to know what else?   I kind of  think you’re cybersluts!  Yep.  Cybersluts.  And cowards.  Maybe I’m wrong but I have a feeling you wouldn’t DARE speak to me that way in real life.  And if I could CYBERSLAP you, I would!!!!!

HOWEVER – with that said – I think it’s completely different when two people are getting to know each other and start cyber flirting and having a little cybersexy time.  That’s normal.  And I think it’s kind of fun to have an iCrush on someone.  In fact I DO have an iCrush on someone :)  BUT!!!!! What’s NOT normal are all the dudes from UTAH fronting to be religiously devout and “ohsoMoral and wonderful” but are REALLY cyberdirty and gross!   Oh SNAP!!!  Yeah – I did  - I went there.  I said it – and I think it’s time more people started taking a stand against cyber douchebags!!  Do you really think that morals don’t translate into the digital world?

There will be no iBirds and iBees busy making iSpring happen on THIS computer with any Cybersluts.  I have cyberstandards and iMorals!!!!    And I’m not going to have a one-night cyber-fling with you just because you think the internet is a guilt-free realm.  It shouldn’t be!!!! and I DO think your computer has a virus and I DON’T want it to infect mine.

I’ve got a super-fire-wall-cyber-chastity-belt.

And just like in REAL LIFE – in my CYBERLIFE, I can’t be PRESSURED into any cyberGROSS with you.

Umm – WHAT??? then she tried to back track and be like, “Oh narcissism isn’t that bad – it’s just another way of saying vanity.”  But the damage had already been done.  She called me narcissistic!  Me?  Narcissistic?  I mean I only have a blog dedicated to my life, I participate in photo projects that include taking a picture of myself every single day for a year, and I like to dance in front of the mirror.  What’s so narcissistic about that?

;)  hahahahaha

ok ok – maybe she had a LIL bit of a point.  But only a LIL bit.  Then she goes, “I think you should put away your scale and your mirrors for a week.”  AND to add insult to the injury, she said, “Don’t worry, most people who are narcissistic just have really low self-esteems and we already knew you had a low self-esteem.”

Ohhhhhhh  kaaaaaaayyyyyyyy

Look – I was already FLOORED by her narcissistic accusation.  SHOCK!  Hello??  She wasn’t supposed to be so BLUNT!  And then she tells me to give up my scale and MIRRORS for a week??  And tells me my narcissism is a front for low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy.  Say WHAT?  I stood up to leave (the session was over) and she added, “Oh and this includes reflections in buildings or glass – but you can look at your face in the mirror if you want.”

I walked out of her office in complete and utter disbelief.  I’m still in a little bit of disbelief.  And then on the way home when I realized how many reflections I had to STOP myself from looking into – HAHAHAHAHAHA that’s when I decided – ok – I’ll do it.  But just because I CAN – even though you all don’t believe that I can.  :)

Tonight – here’s what I’ll be dancing to – with no reflection.  My mirror is covered up.  Oh dang.  Can I really go SEVEN DAYS???

The Green Tawking Hippo Academy

It’s not like I’ve never been to school before.  it’s just…  Well, when did hippos start wearing polka dot bikinis?

Maybe the name of the school should have given it away. Green Tawking Hippo Academy for Women. But it sounded so cool! For a budding environmentalist, it seemed perfect! What could be better than a school located in the heart of Tawking Canyon , on the banks of the Green River , and named after an endangered species? Can we say “nothing?”

Oh if only it were that simple and if only Hippos knew how to spell. Even though the school WAS in the middle of Tawking Canyon , the school wasn’t named after it. In fact, it wasn’t named after the Green River either. The founders of the school MEANT to name the school Green Talking Hippo Academy after all of the rich, successful Hippos who work there and can talk. But although these hippos have mastered speaking, they have yet to learn to spell. So yeah -  tawking hippos – talking hippos. Talk about a trip!

It wouldn’t really have been so bad to learn from the hippos. They are very unusual peop… umm … they are very unusual mammals. But the hippos weren’t interested in teaching about their ways. Nope. They were more interested in other things; though those other things did APPEAR to be of an environmental nature in the course catalog.

First Period – Blossoming Flowers. “Oh nooooooo, Ms. Nooncy,” the instructing hippo, wearing a burgundy mini skirt and a black tube top, shouted to a fellow classmate. “Grey is the WORST color for you to wear. It blends right into your skin. You must stand out! Be noticed. No wall flowers in my class. We are blossoming flowers! Beautiful! Bold! B… AHH! Ms. Pugmore, a corset is NOT going to help you hold your tummy in – and goodness gracious, why would you want to? We’re hippos – we’re fat – it is our defining feature and we must not try and hide it. Love the skin you’re in Ms. Pugmore. Love it.”

Second Period – Don’t Hunt. The instructor of this class wore the most ridiculous blond wig. It was fantastic! “First things first class.” She said as she paced back and forth in front of the class, “You are all Big, Beautiful, and Bold Hippos.” Long pause. “Now, I want you all to take a deep breath and feel the air cleanse your body, nourishing your beauty. Ok. Down to the important stuff. It is imperative that you, as female Hippos, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT hunt for male hippos. We are NOT rhinoceroses. We are Hippopotamuses and we do not hunt or chase our men like THEY do. Our men chase after us and if they’re LUCKY we may pay them some attention. But as a side note I don’t blame the Rhino men from running away from their women – I mean come on – just look at them! I’d run away from MYSELF if I looked like that.”

Third Period – The Study of Mother Earth. This one HAD to be an environmental class right? A petite hippo, if there is such a thing, stood up in front of the class. “Mother Earth has given us amazing gifts. The gift of water and the gift of earth. If we mix these gifts together we create the gift of beauty. Today we will be learning about mud baths, mud masks and the power we have to be beautiful.”

You know what? Hippos are a little intimidating all on their own. But having to hide behind a rock to avoid being trampled by a herd of hippos racing to the banks of the Green River for a mud bath is down right scary.

Lunch

Fourth Period – Tree Huggers 101 – “And one and two and three and four…” The teacher stopped her squats to welcome the class. “Hello everyone. Go ahead and take your place by a tree stump and rip it out of the ground like this. Ok good. Except you over there – honey I think a tree is too big for you. Why don’t you sit this one out?” No problems there! The rest of the class ripped out their stumps and placed them firmly between their teeth in the proper “hugging” manner. I shook my head and sighed as they did squats, while “hugging” their trees. Apparently it improves balance as well as muscle tone in Hippos. Go figure.

Fifth Period – Meteorology. Everyone raced to the changing rooms after fourth period to change into their bikinis. Hmm … meteorology and bikinis? And then everyone rushed to fifth period – which was being held at the sandy nook along the southern end of the Green River . “Alright class – settle down,” the instructor announced. “Today we learn about how the sun darkens our skin and makes it even MORE beautiful. Find a beach towel, lie down and let the sun soak into your skin. I’ll remind you in a half hour to flip to your other side. I hope everyone remembered to bring their unique bathing suit shapes because you will adore the patterns they leave on your skin later.” Tan lines are adorable? When clothing is optional and you are hippo… seemingly they are.

Not long after everyone had settled in, each covering four beach towels a piece, the principal arrived. After welcoming all the lovely new students she asked “Would the non-hippo please escort me to my office?”

Her office was close by and once she was settled into her snakeskin chair she apologized for a grave misunderstanding. “This is the Green “Tawking” Hippo Academy for Women as you well know, and although you are a woman… you are not a hippo and the school is for talking Hippos only. My sincerest apologies for the misunderstanding.” She went on, “It’s just that dear … when we saw your name – So Hippo – we just knew you had to be one of us. Who else would name their child So Hippo?  hahaha!  Anyway you’re dismissed.”

Walking out the door I muttered back to her, “It’s Sohi … Poe. The name is Sohi … Poe… NOT so hippo.” Not that the correction really mattered. It may as well be So Hippo to a green “tawking” hippopotamus.

I’ve always known I like doubles – I mean I did adopt TWO cats.  Then later when I was ready for more responsibility I adopted TWO dogs.  I usually get dumped by two people at once (or TWICE) I double recipes almost all of the time.  I sleep on a double bed (only in AUS though) and yeah – I accidentally bought the same pair of jeans twice as well.  I thought they were different.  They weren’t.

I blame the throat infection which I’ve had twice in a row for my latest mind voids.

Wait … you’ve had a throat infection twice in a row??  But doesn’t that just mean you’ve had it for a really long time?

NOPE.

Apparently I had like a strep throat infection and then WHILE I was recovering from my throat infection I got a throat VIRAL infection – leaving me sick with a husky voice TWICE!!!   I have to sleep twice as much.  I do homework 2222 times more slowly (which is twice of what would be twice the numeral two – oh forget it) and I am twice as lethargic as I would be on an ordinary lazy day (hence why I am NOT going to delete the doubles right now.)

Here’s the pics I uploaded TWICE – but lucky you – I’ve decided to only upload them ONCE to the blog.  Oh and you can click on them if you want to see the full deal:

Oh and I know this is probably Too Much Info!!  But I’ve been losing hair like TWICE as much since I got sick – maybe it was the antibiotics?? I don’t know but seriously GROSS!!!  Like for real – I have long hair – we all know that stray strands of hair found here or there are one of the inconveniences of having – well – of having hair in general.  Long hair makes it a little bit more noticeable.  It’s part of life.  But seriously – SO MUCH of my hair has been falling out I ALMOST took a picture to gross you all out.  I can just imagine – you’d be like SSSSIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCKKKKKK.  And I’d be like – yeah – tell me about it.  My shower complains every day.

Ok since I’m TWICE as rottenly delightful as ever – I’ll stop here.  Have a WONDERFUL whatever day you are on – I’ll be on Wednesday – maybe Thursday – or actually just if you’re not in Australia – just add a day – it’s easiest that way.  And don’t worry – the world isn’t going to end tomorrow because I’m living tomorrow and yeah – the world is still around.  :)

Pretty peaches and tangerines!  Night all!

Ugh.

Anyway – back to the one sided convo – I’m good at these….

North Sydney got a similar email.  And no – I’m not bitter AT ALL!  nope nope nope – I’m in a FABULOUS mood.  hmphf!!

For my Network Society class I am to have a 5 part series/discussion on something cool (i.e. my choice) as long as it’s academically relevant to my class.  I’m also supposed to make it more formal than a ‘normal’ blog post (who defines normal?) and I would GUESS that means I should use BIG words.  I sure hope that words in capital letters count as BIG!!!  (hee hee)  Thankfully for YOU each of the parts only has to be about 200 words.  That’s like NOTHING!  Sooooo…. (does it count as big if it has eeeexxxxtttrrrraaa letters?) here is my first part – 200 words on online communities.  I hope with my WHOLE HEART you choose to participate (comment.)  :)

Online Communities

Never in my life did I realize how much my identity was tied to my culture and community until I moved out of my community.  Living in the heart of one of the chirpiest cities in the United States, full of people who don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, or watch dirty movies, and who wave and smile at everyone who drives into the neighborhood, I was in for a bit of culture shock when I moved to the busy city life of Sydney, Australia.

Who are my neighbors?  Heaven knows I have no clue!  Who was the dude yelling at his alleged crazy girlfriend down the street?  Heaven knows I’m OK that I don’t know!  And umm, excuse me, WHY did you think it was OK to pat my behind while I was walking down the street you crazy stranger?  No, actually – don’t answer that – in fact let’s both forget you exist. (snap!)

Community and culture play a huge role in the way we see and define the world and our surroundings.  It helps us assess meaning and value.  It contributes to our filters and our level of comfort.  And HOW we define our relationship with our community and culture (whether we accept or reject it) contributes to our personal identity.

In a new world full of online communities, how do these digital cultures affect our daily lives?  How much of our identity is wrapped up in digital cultures and online communities?

NEXT POST – I’ll bring in what a few of the “experts” have to say about it – but until then – I’d LOVE to hear what you have to say.  :)  :)  :)

Hmm … I think a bullet point list ought to do.  YAY!!!  a LIST!!!  Wahoo!!!

What does this picture say about me??

1. I love ketchup
2. I don’t just LOVE ketchup but I totally <3 HEART <3 it TOO!!!  YAY!!!
3. Engineering CATASTROPHES kinda sorta bug me – kinda sorta in the way that I actually bother to take a picture of the catastrophe to post on my blog.  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WASH MY HANDS IN WARM WATER WHEN MY ONLY OPTIONS ARE BURNING HOT AND ICY COLD???  And no it doesn’t work to try and lightning fast swing back and forth between the two.  And even though the cold does feel pretty ok after SCORCHING your hand on BURNING HOT WATER – it doesn’t make it ok.
4. I attend the University of Sydney where these sinks are found.
5. I’m on pain pills for my back.  What? you couldn’t tell that from the picture?  OOOHHH.  Well now – look again dear friend and you MAY just see that I got ON THE WRONG TRAIN today for the first time EVER because I’m  a little YAYHAPPYDAY-DOTOODOOO space cadet.  I discovered my error when I landed in a town I couldn’t pronounce in an area I couldn’t pronounce next to a guy whose name I SURELY couldn’t pronounce.

And the best part??  The pills don’t even really work!  And thanks to the Dr. I went from a 6 on the Frowny Face scale to a whopping 8.8!!!  He said “Can you move your head like this?” and then proceeded to move my head BEFORE I COULD REACT and then YOWSERS!!  8.8 on the Frowny Scale.  The pill brought me back down to an 8 but I’d say a -0.8 reduction does NOT speak highly of the medicine.

Nighty night!!

oh and p.s. #3 has a new GF and – well – you ALL know what I won’t say right about now.  But what I WILL say is that they look really cute together!!  :)  And it appears those french fries that #3 told me I wasn’t allowed to eat because he was afraid I’d PORK OUT have landed smack dab on his hips while all that extra alkeehall he drinks now that his partner drinks with him has landed squarely (or should I say roundly?) on his belly.  HAHAHA! Karma’s a be-otch!

SNAP! I know I shouldn’t point fingers while I’m eating a bag of M&Ms – but seriously – you try being a space cadet while having EIGHT degrees of frown all up in your neck.

Violent Femmes – Blister in the Sun

omgosh – just KIDDING??  What is that?? it’s a foreign language!!  Let’s try this one instead …

Noise cancellation headphones.  Lots of bass.  Volume – a lot of volume – the kind that almost makes your ears ring – not the kind girls try to get in their hair. It’s quiet time.  Quiet time with deafening emotional noise.

Admittedly I am going to sleep on the wrong side of the bed tonight.  It’s just one of those days.

“In the brightest hour of my darkest day I realized what is wrong with me …  days come and go but my feelings last forever” ~papa roach

Hmm – I should probably put a little sugar in this post.  Let’s see … my brother taught me how to do tilt-shift effects on photography – I’ll come up with better examples when I’m not crabby/grumpy/tired/ornery (you get the picture) – but this will do for now.

Oh and while I’m throwing stuff out there – North Sydney is  NOW on a space freak kick (so much for things staying the same – oh wait – that’s right – they DID stay the same – he ALWAYS freaks out)…

AAANNNDDD I believe I completely alienated CC+4 – which is actually kind of a funny story about the reality of mis-communication in emails but – not a story for today … and anyway – I feel kind of guilty – because I could PROBABLY correct the situation (and by probably I mean I totally could) but I don’t want to – and then I feel guilty because I don’t want to – like I’m a bad person for not wanting to repair things – but then my adviser says I need to learn to stop being so hard on myself and I think – WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE REASONS FOR EVERYTHING I DO AND FEEL??  Can’t I just FEEL a certain way??  Maybe I don’t FEEL like repairing things.

Matty  Matt would say that’s perfectly fine – but my stupid conscience!!!!!  It nags and nags and nags – the thing is – I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!

But I FEEL like I could have handled the situation better because I recognize there has been a misunderstanding and I FEEL like it’s my responsibility to fix things – but then I think …

WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO FIX EVERYTHING?

And then I think “Because I’m the bigger person – or because I’m strong – or because I CAN and if I CAN then I SHOULD…” but then that OTHER side of my conscience kicks in and says – DAISY!!!!!!!  STOP!!!!!!  Stop trying to be perfect, stop trying to be perfectly unselfish and perfectly devoted to always putting yourself LAST.

WHY?? Because in some twisted form of rational logic putting myself last actually does more harm than good – and in that sense I should feel guilty for doing HARM – so it’s A NO WIN SITUATION.  When I put myself and my feelings first – I feel guilty for being “selfish” and when I put myself last I feel guilty and resentful.  Guilty because I know that ultimately putting myself last means I’m lowering my worth and making myself less worthwhile to society as a whole – and resentful because for 27 years I’ve tried to be everything that I SHOULD be – and being everything one SHOULD be is quite impossible.  And I’m tired.

That’s right.  I’m tired.  Very very tired of it all.

First I had an assignment due – a big one.  That was due 2 weeks ago.  I still haven’t handed it in.  Things haven’t been going as smoothly as hoped.

Day 20, 21 & 22- when I was still optimistic about my essay

Day 23 and 24 – Remember how I decided no more kissing North Sydney because HE IS A COMMITMENTPHOBE who FREAKS OUT every time HE kisses me!?!?  Yeah – that didn’t last long.  And then I went to my international adviser and she told me that she struggling to try and work with me because I’m smarter than her and my life is very complicated.  Gee – that’s encouraging. (insert glare.)

Day 25 and 26 -  I think it was about THIS point in my life when I discovered North Sydney didn’t remember ANYTHING about our meeting, his “stalk you later” phone calls and our very brief romance a year ago.  I very bluntly called this to his attention. :)  He tried to kiss and make up – I rolled my eyes and laughed.  Then I tried to do my essay and fell asleep over and over again.  Oh and I discovered I can tell the difference between fresh and not-as-fresh M&Ms. oh yes.

Day 27 – I went and met with the adviser again and this time she was more encouraging.  We determined that I’m having issues with essay writing because of my first semester as a graduate student when I had a super nasty teacher who used her dislike of my nationality to influence the marks she gave me.  As a straight 95% and above student my whole life – I lost all confidence in my ability to be a student after I received her grades and this lack of confidence is a detriment to my current studies.  :(  We agreed that discrimination and racism are out of my control and I need to try and move forward.  I decided to study in the park under the bright and beautiful sun.

Day 28 -  I actually went to class – instead of staying home sick like I did the rest of the week.  Class was REALLY good – I’m in the process of animating a girl on a swing set.  It’s a lot of fun and I can do it for hours and hours without getting bored.  A BIG relief from essay writing.

Day 29 and 30 – I’ve had insomnia like no other the past couple of weeks.  “Bones” the television series has become my nightly insomnia treatment.  It also makes for great dreams.  I’ve never been a better crime fighter/super hero/pretend anthropologist in my life. :) lol.

Day 31 – One month down – 12 more to go.

It means “I love you” in sign language.  I might have accidentally kind of said something that would indicate the possibility that I COULD be in love with North Sydney.  I didn’t mean to!!  It slipped out!!!

He said- “You need to have kids.  You will be a great mom.”  (a nice compliment bcuz he has a child.)

I said – “Yeah but finding the right guy is going to be next to impossible.  I think I’ll just settle with my dogs – they’re like my kids.”

He laughed and said, “You’re getting close.  If you mix CC+4 with -3 you’d almost get the perfect man for you.”

I said, “Yeah but I’m never going to meet someone who is perfect and there isn’t going to be a guy out there who is a cross between all the good of CC+4 and all the good of -3.”

He said, “You never know…”

I said, “What I really need is just to find the American version of you – then I’d be set.”

I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAID THAT!!!

I told my flatmate that I couldn’t believe I let that one slip out!!!  North Sydney gets scared off every time he kisses me – and then I tell him he’s like the perfect guy for me??  My flatmate said, “Yeah but do you feel that way?”  I said – “Yes.”  And my flatmate said, “Well then you told the truth.  You shouldn’t be worried about it.”

He’s right.  I told the truth.  And fortunately for me – North Sydney DIDN’T freak out – he just took it as a compliment – and things are the same as always.  :)

A little bitter at a horoscope??  Yeah – that’s right.  Why??  Because it’s out to get me.  NO FOR REAL!

FIRST it has me use North Sydney as a distraction from CC+4.  Which was actually a good thing because I need to let him go – completely.

BUT THEN I find that I really don’t want North Sydney as a distraction.  He’s my friend and he lives in Australia and GUESS WHAT?? I’m content with things the way they are.  AAANNNDDD the very same day I decided this I read my horoscope which said to be content with him as my friend.  YES CRAZY!!  I READ THAT AFTER I MADE MY DECISION!!!!  It was like the FIRST day I didn’t have to TRY to make my horoscope come true.

So I moved on – and 2 days later would you ever guess that CC+4 – I don’t even want to talk about him.  But I’m listening to the new song he sent me right now – and I’m – I don’t even know what – but I don’t appreciate my horoscope conveniently taking my life in a direction that might let CC+4 back in!!!!!  Out of all the boys in my life – he scares me the most.  No – not because HE is scary – but because liking him puts my heart on the line.  The other boys?  They’re safe.  CC+4??  Not Safe.

Day 14

Ok we’ll stop here – with a few little lines from the song I sent him,

“Hands down, I’m too proud for love.

But with eyes shut, it’s you I’m thinking of.  But how we move from A to B can’t be up to me cuz you don’t know who I was before you…

basically if you see a change in me – I’d be losing – so I just ignore you.

Cuz you’re not mine, not mine.

But maybe in time

I’ll tell you, I’m a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in love with you.

“I guess that I’m a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in love with you.”

Pic of the day – 12 and 13

Oh and HHEEEYYYY – my lil bro is back in the blogosphere.  Life sucks – and tomorrow is the same …