The post that never was, closure w/CC+4 and yay for friends!!!

Have you ever written a blog post only to find it mysteriously disappeared??  That happened to me yesterday – it was a big sucks.  I explained how I finally got closure on CC+4 and I told a snotty/funny story which can’t be recreated so to sum up the gossip – he basically informed me that WITH ME he was only looking for a good time – say WHAT??  Niiiiiicccccceeeeee.  And I call bull-crap!  Why?  Because he also confessed a while back that the reason he stopped talking to me last semester was because he was looking for MORE and he thought I was only looking for a good time.   But WHAT.EV.ER.  I suppose if we’re making attempts to be happyhappyjoyjoy we could be grateful for the closure. YAY FOR CLOSURE!!!

or something like that …

Do things happen for a reason?

Who knows for sure – but looking back on the past year of my life I can tell you I can kind of see how lucky I am to have had the trials and difficulties I once hated.  It’s been a crazy path – a tearful journey – and also lots of fun!!!  I’ve grown so much – even my family has noticed!!  And I want to give a shout out to all of my bloggy friends, all of my new friends in Sydney, all of my old friends in Utah and … I think it’s time to give a special shout out to North Sydney – my BFF in Australia.

Thank you – all of you!!

You make my life brighter. :)

And now – back to that special shout out to my Aus-BFF … remember CommitmentPhobe?  No?  That’s ok.  He was the first man to sweep me off my feet in Australia.  Charming – hot – romantic – I was scared and when he gave me flowers I left them at his house. GASP!!!!  Daisy how could you??

I know – I know … but I was scared.  I wasn’t ready for a relationship and really?  He wasn’t either.  So we became friends.  And now?  One whole year later we’re the best of friends.  I absolutely adore him.  And it’s driving me crazy that I haven’t seen him for FIVE WEEKS!!!  FIVE WEEKS!!!!  I think it bothered him as well … not only did he complain about the length of my trip but he scheduled my first Saturday night home well in advance.  lol.  I talked to him yesterday (the day I arrived) and I told him I want as much of his Saturday as I can have.  He laughed – but I think he feels the same way.

Friends and family are the spice of life – they give a dreary day a spark of color, a dash of flavor/flavour.

And you know what?  That’s something to smile about.

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Destination unknown

Colors in the Rain“If it’s a pleasant road I don”t care where it leads.”
~Henry James ~ “A Portrait of a Lady”

I was pretty down on myself for not having a concrete 5 year plan.  So – I created one this past week.  And then I remembered the reason why I didn’t have one in the first place!!  lol.

Haha!  Just teasing.  It surely IS useful to have a general idea about where one would like to be in the future.  And I think it would be terrible to pick a path that leads to a terrible outcome.  The journey is often more important than the destination – but if that journey leads you to the middle of the desert, 1000 miles away from the nearest living person, with no cellphone, no food, no water and no transportation – well that journey is what I like to call a WASTE OF TIME!

or is it?

What if you had one crazy wild ride to get there?  What if in the course of your trip to the desert you found true love and had accomplished all of your life goals?  Sure you are there – in the middle of nowhere – but you’ve fulfilled your life’s purpose – you can rest in peace.  And if that’s the case, maybe it wasn’t a waste of time at all.

Sure so ok – I now have a 5 year plan.  I have goals and a bit of direction.  But the reality is that as long as I’m following my heart and the road is pleasant – I think I’m inclined to agree with Henry James.  I don’t care where I end up as long as I am making the most of what I’m given along the way.

Dorothy needed courage, a heart AND a brain!!!

The Wizard of Oz – A Critical Review

Before I go off on this book – true to form – you can find the few decent quotes I discovered at the end of this post.

So – The Wizard of Oz.  Yep.  Being that I currently live in the land of Oz and have had a gray to color transformation myself, I was most interested in this written novel.  Thankfully it didn’t take long to read the 189 pages of – umm – wonder?? Oh it’s a wonder alright. And I’ll tell you what, after reading L. Frank Baum’s “masterpiece” I do not wonder at ALL why some libraries in the early 1900s banned the book for poor quality writing! But I DO wonder why this book is considered a classic. Sure the movie helped make it famous – but the book itself – apart from Hollywood – hmm – yeah – not impressed.

There is a “Things to Consider” section at the end of this Penguin Classic (which is different from Popular Penguins mind you) and I’ve decided to consider what they suggest.

1. “Dorothy is considered by many to have all the best character traits a girl could hope to have. What do you think these are?”

Omgoodness. No, no, no, no, no. Dorothy is the absolute WORST example of what a girl or a human being should be. Dorothy is as gray and plain as the Kansas she left behind!! Not only does she have ZERO personality but she lacks courage, cries instead of finding solutions, depends on everyone else to do EVERYTHING for her, has no imagination, no curiosity, and is NOT a team player.

How about the time she was just going to walk away from her friends because oh gee that’s too bad you’re about to die but I’ve got to get to Oz so good luck!

Or how about how she kept rubbing it in to her friends “Oh that’s too bad you don’t have a heart.”  “Sucks you’re not smart” or “Your new name is the COWARDly Lion – how does THAT make you feel?” Maybe if she had a heart or a brain herself she would have noticed how her friends already had that which they were seeking.

Once last point to mention, I wanted to flippin shake Dorothy and tell her to grow up! I couldn’t stand her constant crying and whining about wanting to go back to Kansas “she cried bitterly for hours and hours.”  She didn’t even cry when she saw the Tin Woodman and the Scarecrow destroyed!  Oh but she has tears all day long about Kansas.  Ever heard of just being HAPPY where you’re at? I want to go home too – but while I’m in Oz myself I’m going to make the absolute best of it. :)

2. What are the lessons this story taught?

Hmm … I think this story teaches that if you’re an idiot you will always be one. :(

Baum could have taught a powerful lesson about self-esteem and seeing yourself clearly but in the end when the wizard attempts to show the 3 characters that they already have what they desire (a brain, a heart, and courage) the characters refuse to accept it. Instead they get angry with the Wizard for not giving them what they sought. Hmm – yeah anger is definitely the right answer. And then Baum takes the easy road out and has them receive ridiculous gifts to assuage their temper and they live happily ever after – never knowing that they had it in them all along.

3. What do you think of the Wizard? Was he wrong to trick the people of Oz? Does he make up for it in the end?

The Wizard is a coward. I don’t care that he tricked the people into thinking he was a Wizard (except that it further proves he’s a coward) but I DO care about the fact that he made everyone wear goggles so they couldn’t see life for what it really was. And it bothers me that Dorothy and her friends never questioned the goggles. And after the Wizard confessed that the goggles were a big farce – it bothers me that the girl and her friends continued to wear them anyway. And after the scarecrow became king – it bugs me that he didn’t have everyone take off the goggles. So no – I don’t think he made up for it in the end.

4. What is it about the Wizard of Oz that made it a classic?

The Wizard of Oz became a classic because it used small words that were easy to understand and featured a yes-girl with no personality – things that undoubtedly appealed to the mass public in the early 1900s. Ouch – that’s harsh isn’t it? But sadly I think it’s true. And why in the world did so many things have to die? The whole book is one murder after another!

“He seized his axe, which he had made very sharp, and as the leader of the wolves came on the Tin Woodman swung his arm and chopped the wolf’s head from its body, so that it immediately died. As soon as he could raise his axe another wolf came up, and he also fell under the sharp edge of the Tin Woodman’s weapon. There were forty wolves, and forty times a wolf was killed, so that at last they all lay dead in a heap before the Woodman.
“Then he put down his axe and sat beside the Scarecrow who said, ‘It was a good fight, friend.’
“They waited until Dorothy awoke the next morning. The little girl was quite frightened when she saw the great pile of shaggy wolves, but the tin Woodman told her all. She thanked him for saving them and sat down to breakfast, after which they started again upon their journey.”

Umm – ok. So she sees FORTY headless wolves in the morning but is just like, “Oh ok let’s eat some brekky and be on our way.” And a good fight? Yeah – a fight where 40 wolves died and didn’t have a chance is REALLY good.

The next page goes on to explain how the scarecrow twisted the necks of 40 crows until they died. Really uplifting stuff here isn’t it?

Well I considered what they asked and it made me hate the book even more. I hope the next “classic” I’m about to read is a little better than this one. I can’t imagine it could be much worse …

QUOTES:

“No matter how dreary and grey our homes are, we people of flesh and blood would rather live there than in any other country, be it ever so beautiful.  There is no place like home.” – Dorothy

“…once I had brains, and a heart also; so, having tried them both, I should much rather have a heart. … brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world.” – Tin Woodman

“… a fool would not know what to do with a heart if he had one.” – Scarecrow

“As long as I know myself to be a coward I shall be unhappy.” – Lion

“Experience is the only thing that brings knowledge.” – Wizard

“There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger.  True courage is in facing danger when you are afraid.” – Wizardup!!

In the air …

Right about now I’m flying over the pacific ocean (and last week I was cruising over it – crazy!!)

I don’t talk about my past a lot. In fact, I don’t really talk about it at all. But the cruise last week – the cruise I knew I needed to be on – it helped me open up a bit. I talked to CC+4 and my new friend Bobcat about my past. It was good for me to remember the things I try and forget. I’ve distanced myself enough from my past that now I can look back and say “Wow. Look what I overcame. Wow. Look what I’ve created for myself against all odds.” And you know what? I’m proud of myself. I’m a far cry from where I wish I were. There are many choices I would go back and make differently if I could – but where I’m at – despite the arduous, traumatic and extremely painful journey to get here – feels good.

I have a great life. I live in Sydney, Australia of all places and I meet amazing and cool people on a continual basis. And I am happy. I’m happy despite it all. And that is what I’m most proud of – the fact that I took control of my life and attitude and despite every negative – every trial – every pain – I chose happiness. And you know what? Happiness is NOT the easiest choice. Believe me – it’s much easier to allow your trials to consume you. I have lived nightmares and at times I didn’t think I’d live through them – times I prayed I wouldn’t live through them. But I did. And now I’m stronger. I overcame them – and now I’m here creating my destiny, trying to find the path fate has in store for me.

My most recent chapter? 2009. Already an unexpected cruise and a whole lot of “I don’t know” up in the air.

My unexpected cruise crush CC+4 dropped me off at the airport. I’m soooo glad he did. He’s adorable and I am happy I got to spend every extra minute with him.

And now I’m off to the next great adventure and chapter in my life. One chapter at a time, I’m slowly creating a life which is absolutely unexpected yet completely desirable.   I have no idea what’s coming next – but I hope it includes him again – if at least only for a bit.

He talked about visiting me in Australia soon … I fully support that idea.