Category Archives: The L and M words – oh and the R word – are all dumb

Life is more fun with love

Posted on by
4

After -3 told me he loved me, asked me to imagine what it would be like to be pregnant with his kids, suggested that we could “mix our genes” one day, and sent me $350 worth of Victoria’s Secret AND THEN DUMPED ME 4 DAYS LATER!!! I decided to spend an additional week in Utah mending my broken heart.  Ok ok – mending my wounded pride.

ALRIGHT FINE!!!  Also mending my broken heart.  Stupid -3.  I actually DID imagine having kids with him, imagined a life with him – blah blah blah sappy sappy sappy – let’s just say – I liked my imaginings.  And now??  Now I imagine how great I will look in that sexy lingerie parading in front of a mirror – or maybe (mom just skip the next sentence) MAYBE even ONE DAY parading it in front of a hot rebound.  HAHA!  -3 had asked for pictures and then when he DUMPED me he very astutely observed that “I probably won’t be getting those pictures now will I?”  NO.  Haha – actually I think he will!!  A couple sexy pics (NOT SCANDALOUS THOUGH – I’m from UT) wouldn’t hurt him would it?  In fact I think it would be incredibly gracious of me – a nice way to say “Thank you!” and “Please feel sick at what you are now missing out on.”

Oopsie!  Did I just say that out loud?  NOPE!  But I did type it on a public blog so I think that’s CLOSE enough.

Anyway – back to the point.  I got a little distracted for a second talking about the old man (did I mention he was 42?)  Anyway … because I decided to stay an extra week in Utah I’ve taken this opportunity to spend as much QUALITY time as possible.  :)  YAY!!!  I love quality time.   Quality time = time with my dogs, time with my nieces and nephew and time with my family and close friends.  YAY!!!

BTW!!!  HUGE UPDATE!!!  Everything is back to normal with my family.  I heart them with my ENTIRE HEART (and always have.)  And I hear I have a pretty hefty heart so that’s a LOT.  :)  And it’s been a wonderful dream to spend time with all of them like we used to before things went a little sour.  Nothing better to heal a heart than a little unconditional family love.  oxoxoxoxo

Here’s a little video of some of my family – we’re just being silly and having fun.  This is what I call quality time.  :)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjBa-0l3BGM[/youtube]

#3 just dumped me

Posted on by
10

WHAT??  Oh yes – it’s true.  #3 called me about an hour ago and dumped me.  Where did this come from?  I have NO IDEA.  The last time we talked he told me he was excited to see me and couldn’t WAIT until I got back.

He said his feelings have changed over the past two days. TWO DAYS?  Since when do you fall in love with someone and after 48 hours of doubt you break up with them?  Whatever.

I’m kind of angry to be honest.  I have spent the last 4 weeks corresponding with him DAILY, NOT dating, trying to hang out with CC+4 as little as possible and I’ve been FALLING FOR HIM – yes it’s true – I was falling for #3!!!!  Then – FIVE DAYS BEFORE I COME HOME HE DUMPS ME???

His reasons?  After he told me his feelings had changed I told him, “Ok” and said he didn’t need to give me reasons why BUT HE DID ANYWAY.  For the next 15 minutes he REPEATED HIMSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN about why his feelings have changed so I’ll share those with you:

  • I’m from overseas
  • We don’t understand each other 100% (no effin duh! we’ve only been dating for 2 months!!!!)
  • He’s just not feeling like I’m 100% into it

Sounds to me likes he’s scared.  I AM TOO!  But I wasn’t going to break-up with him because of it!!!  I apologized that he didn’t feel like I was 100% and admitted I’m nervous about a relationship but that I did really like him.

Anyway – what’s done is done??  We’ll see.  But for now – I’m just a little bit angry.

UPDATE:  I sent an email to #3 confessing my feelings – he made the comment that I wasn’t 100% – I felt bad about that.  Anyway – I told him I respect his feelings though I don’t agree and I appreciate the time we had together (and would he please send me my cellphone as I left it in his car – oops!)  And he wrote back saying he’s been sick since he talked to me because he felt so bad disappointing me.

WTF??   I gave him NO indication that I was upset or unhappy by his decision on the phone – but he’s been sick because he disappointed me?  I feel foolish for having a momentary lapse of judgment and am absolutely thrilled that my email could boost his ego one last time.

ok ok – I’m being sarcastic.  Just not the happiest moment for me.  Always sucks to have a broken heart.  Especially a double broken heart since I gave up CC+4 for #3 … I guess I made the wrong choice eh?  just my luck.

The L word, Pics, CC+4, #3 and Love really IS a battlefield

Posted on by
6

It’s late at night and I’m going to overshare.  It’s not that I don’t recognize that I should create rules for myself – like maybe “If you know you are tired and are aware that you could be admitting/confessing information that may be best to NOT share on a public website – DON’T!!”  because I totally do.  I KNOW I should be careful when I’m tired but at the same time when I’m tired I can’t be bothered to follow rules.  GASP!  Yeah yeah – I know – I’m in love with rules but tiredness makes me EXTRA apathetic.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?? *big smiley face*

It means I’m going to give you a debriefing on CC+4, #3 and that new Jordin Spark’s craptastic song that I downloaded because well – LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD – oh and I’m also going to explain why I am at war.

THAT’S RIGHT!  I’m AT WAR!!! … or at least my heart is …

LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD

The song says “Don’t try to explain your mind I know what’s happening here.  One minute it’s love and suddenly it’s like the battlefield.  … I never meant to start a war.”

I’m trying to decide how to make this long story short – ah ha!  OUTLINE!!!

  1. #3 calls and quizzes me on my “sportiness”
  2. I wonder why the BLEEP he’s telling me he wants to get me into the gym
  3. #3 confesses he thinks I’m wonderful
  4. I say, “Yeah except you think I’m fat.”
  5. #3 FREAKS OUT!!  He just wanted to spend quality time with me
  6. I think “oopsie!”
  7. #3 decides we don’t understand each other and wants to get to know the “real me”
  8. #3 tries to upset me
  9. I get upset
  10. #3 drops the L bomb

#3 DROPS THE L BOMB!!!!!!

And then I say, “What?  No I don’t think so.  You can’t drop that on me right now while you’re PURPOSEFULLY TRYING TO MAKE ME UPSET!!”

He blah blah blahs some more and his phone dies.  And I’m left bewildered.

And then I went boating and well – see for yourself.  Me w/CC+4.

max-and-kerilynn-3max-and-kerilynn-2

A picture speaks a thousand words.  And this pic in color – well – it speaks volumes.  Volumes and volumes.  It’s a great picture but I can’t go down this road again.  It hurt too much last time. He crushed me when suddenly stopped logging onto skype, stopped responding to emails – he deserted me.  And yet the feelings were instantly rekindled when I got home … but I don’t work that way.

I CAN’T TURN MY HEART OFF AND ON LIKE THAT!!!  And seeing him again … I can’t … I can’t.  I’m slipping – I have feelings for him.  But …

I can’t.  I really really can’t.  My heart can’t take it.  Not now – not when I’m supposed to leave in a week.  Not when #3 is dropping the L bomb on me.  Not when – well – not now.

My life is in Syndey now right?  I live there.  It’s where I’m supposed to be.

right ?

And I REALLY like #3.

So CC+4 – well … maybe I need to let him go.  Figuratively of course.  I need to tell my heart to let him go.  I need to focus on what’s REAL. And although my feelings for him are most definitely real – CC+4 has not done anything to lead me to believe he has any intentions for long term.  And if I can fully let him go – my heart will have no strings holding it back from #3.

I guess that settles things.  I have feelings for #3.  I have feelings for CC+4.  #3 has feelings for me.  CC+4 – ??  #3 wants a relationship.  CC+4 and I live 8,000 miles apart.  And now I just have to convince myself that spending time with CC+4 will do nothing but make the break in my heart more painful when I leave.  It’s time to let go.

But … if that’s the case – why does my heart feel this way??

Hypocritical Haters are prolly ugly *gasp!* And you shouldn’t hate Disney Princesses for being Beautiful

Posted on by
3

It’s not very often that I come down from Daisy’s Drama LaLa Land Cloud and blog about non-Daisy’s Drama LaLa FUN, so you can be sure that if I felt compelled to jump up on Daisy’s Super Expensive I-Can’t-Believe-I-paid-THAT-MUCH-for-”special”-non-soap-SOAP box today (why am I such a sucker for “green” products?) I must be pretty passionate about this subject.

I don’t see any more harm in an idealistic image of beauty than in being prejudiced AGAINST beauty.

I do NOT condone a one-size-fits-all beauty mold. I think it IS harmful. But I also think going to the opposite extreme is CERTAINLY worthy of reproach.

WHY am I mentioning this today?

Because I read Nicole from “laugh outloud“‘s blog about “Fallen Princesses” from JPG Magazine and the JPG project kinda p.i. double S ed me off. I think society hates on beauty too much. WHO CARES THAT BELLE WAS BEAUTIFUL??? We should hate her for OTHER reasons. anyway …

The Project:

To capture “real life” scenarios of our favorite Disney Princesses.

The Results:

AND THE ONE THAT RILED ME UP:

GRRR!!!!I freakin’ hate Belle – but this pic is soooooooooooooooooo not cool.

THEY MISSED THE MARK!!!

The idea is intriguing. In fact I’m quite taken by the idea and would even go so far as to say I LUV the idea. Disney Princesses in real life? BRILLIANT!!! But the results? Suck big time.

Belle is being attacked by haters!

(prolly ugly ones)

omgosh – I can’t believe I just typed that! But hey – it’s prolly true!!!

Why I believe she’s being attacked by haters:

Umm hello??? Did anyone else besides me watch the “Beauty and the Beast”?? Belle was a freakin’ nerd. That’s right – she was a NERD! She was beautiful – yes – but she loved books more than make-up or push-up bras. Her favorite place in the world?? The LIBRARY!! or bookstore. You really think if Belle was in REAL LIFE she’d be under the knife?

Ok – so Disney gave her perfectly arched eyebrows and a nice rack. So what?

IF YOU STOP BEING SUPERFICIAL YOU SEE BELLE IS MORE ABOUT BRAINS THAN BEAUTY

And THIS is what makes me so angry!!! Our society (on both sides of the fence) is OBSESSED WITH LOOKS! and the people who CLAIM to be fighting AGAINST an image obsessed society ACTUALLY CONTRIBUTE TO IT! No one should be mad because Belle was beautiful. GUESS WHAT?? SOME PEOPLE really ARE beautiful. That is the LEAST of her troubles. And focusing on her looks? It’s hypocrisy in an ugly way. No pun intended – it IS ugly.

The REAL reason you should hate Belle:

I don’t hate Belle because she’s beautiful. I hate her because she represents something I had to fight very hard to overcome in my own life. Codependency.

When the Victim’s Right Advocate came to my house 2.5 years ago because the state of Utah ordered her to come I was SO MAD! I didn’t need an advocate. What did she know anyway? Well – she knew a lot.

“He hit you.”

“Yep.”

“Are you going to leave him?”

“I don’t know. I love him.”

Then she said something that changed my life.

“Let me guess, Beauty and the Beast was your favorite Disney movie?”

SHOCK!!!! How did she know? How could she POSSIBLY GUESS THAT??

It’s called “The Beauty and the Beast Syndrome”

And that is NOT a clinical term. It’s a term that some Victim’s Rights Advocates use to explain why some women think that love is enough. Because it is right? Oh – wait – it ISN’T. And it doesn’t matter how much you love someone – you can’t love them into something they’re not.

I’m going to repeat that one again – it’s important.

You can’t love someone into something they’re not.

And Belle? She gives little girls the ideas that those mean, hurtful men that they stupidly fall in love with will change and turn into princes.

Her story give girls the idea that inside every beast is a prince waiting to escape.

And if you just love him enough – if you just have faith – if he just loves you enough – it will all work out right? No.

And in REAL LIFE??

Belle wouldn’t be under the knife getting cosmetic surgery. She would be naturally beautiful, intelligent AND she’d make some really terrible love choices and probably end up hiding in the library with a couple domestic violence bruises from her beast of a partner.

And if the “artist” behind these pics wanted to take a step BEYOND superficiality…

If she wanted to step outside of her hypocrisy and look past appearances, maybe she could have photographed an incredibly powerful image of a beautiful and intelligent woman in love with a true beast (an abusive partner.)

… just a thought.

Jealousy shouldn’t equate to judgment.

Coveting shouldn’t turn into condemning.

Being a hater makes someone uglier on the inside than the person they’re hating on

(supposing the person being hated on is even ugly on the inside at all!!!)

A letter to … dun dun dun … MYSELF. YAY you didn’t kill #3

Posted on by
4

Dear Daisy,

Since you obviously refuse to go to sleep on time (this is a bad habit btw) let’s recap the weekend.  What did you do?  Oh wait – don’t tell me.  I remember now.  You went with #3 to a business/dinner party and then went on a little getaway to Palm Beach (in Sydney.)  How was that?

actually – never mind.  Let’s not focus on the negative.  Let’s focus on the positive.  :) YAY!!!  You didn’t murder anyone this weekend.  Hooray for you!!

I’m very proud of you for not killing #3.  Very impressive.  When he told you that he thought you were making stuff up about the latest article you read just because HE didn’t happen to see it himself – I know you were furious.  But good on you for holding your tongue until AFTER you left the party.

And let’s be real.  When he introduced you half the time as “Daisy” and the other half by an incorrect pronunciation of your Christian name.  You DID want to strangle him.  But you didn’t.  And that’s pretty freakin’ sweet.

It was also darn impressive that you didn’t roll your eyes in frustration every time you had to explain to very confused strangers that he calls you by two COMPLETELY different names (ONE OF WHICH HE WASN’T EVEN PRONOUNCING RIGHT!!!!!!!)

[deep breath]

And now, let us please not forget the most impressive feat of the entire weekend. When you didn’t stab him with your fork for suggesting that your opinion on the latest book you’re reading was googled and that you didn’t REALLY read the book.  That took some crazy will power and I’m still impressed by you.

OMGOSH!  I can’t even believe it.  I ALMOST FORGOT that you showed one more admirable restraint. 

Thank you for not sending yourself to jail when:

  • A – he said that even though you’ve never mentioned ANYTHING about his drinking he believes that your abstinence from alcohol is a judgment against him.  (WWHHHAAAATTT????)
  • B – he said that because he can feel this [deep breath Daisy this is about to upset you again] that he can FEEL this JUDGMENT that you never gave and that he is projecting onto you that he now has the right to fuss and complain over any food that you like which is fattening.  (WWHHHHAAATTTT?????)
  • C – while complaining about the fact that you like french fries, he suggested that you will be a porker when you grow up and that he’s concerned you will blow out.   WTefF?
  • D – he said that breakfast burritos are gross even though he has NO IDEA WHAT THE FLIP ONE IS and said that it’s DISGUSTING THAT I WOULD EAT A BREAKFAST BURRITO and that it just goes to show that AMERICANS ARE FAT (even though Aussies are statistically fatter) and that YES I WILL blow out.

Yes dearest Daisy – you are now officially AMAZING.  Because if you could make it through a getaway with #3 after he said all of THAT you must have some SERIOUS mojo/conflict resolution/forgiveness skillz.  HAHA but we both know you didn’t REALLY forgive #3 because when you tried to TELL HIM THAT HE HURT YOUR FEELINGS he MOTHER TRUCKING DISMISSED WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY AND CHANGED THE SUBJECT!!!!! So actually let’s change this …

YOU ARE ONE AMAZING ACTRESS!!!!

And I fully condone operation spite #3 for being a total DB.  What a stupid jerk.

WHO THE FLIP TELLS A GIRL WITH A HISTORY OF diagnosed EATING DISORDERS that HE THINKS SHE’S GOING TO pork out BECAUSE SHE LIKES french fries AND breakfast burritos????

[deep breath - ANOTHER deep breath]

Try and relax – you need your beauty sleep.

xoxo ~Moi