Category Archives: Deal Breakers

Darn, darn, darn, I think I’m engaged again ;) & Things you should NOT do when hitting on me

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I shouldn’t joke about something so serious.  I’m actually quite outraged.  A kiss may be a contract for marriage but NOT WHEN THE KISS IS FORCED ON YOU!!!  Today’s blog project (I’ll explain the project another day) is to write a list.  I think that’s grand and all but I’m angry about tonight and want to vent.  SO – here is a LIST of things you should NOT do when you are trying to hit on me.

If you want to increase your odds of success when hitting on me DO NOT:

  • spill your drink on me.
  • step in front of my male friends who are talking to me because you think they are a threat.  I am not your prey you stupid pig.  [insert fake but sweet smile]
  • repeat yourself over and over and over and over and over again.
  • have wandering hands after I have REPEATEDLY TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF YOU STUPID SWEARWORD!
  • talk to me after you’ve drank so much that you’re an idiot (giving you the VERY GRACIOUS benefit of the doubt that you MAY have not already been an idiot before the drinks.)
  • mention, suggest or use the words -fate, destiny, kismet, karma, fortune- or anything that even resembles any of those words when speaking about our recent introduction.
  • tell me you’d like to apologize for your outrageous behavior and then try to kiss me.
  • blame your unacceptable behavior on the alcohol.  I met a nice hottie last weekend who had been drinking but was still respectful.
  • continue to attempt to kiss me even though I asked you to please stop trying to kiss me.
  • grab my arms and forcefully prevent me from walking away.
  • forcefully kiss me.
  • And last but not least – don’t be a mother effin’ jack@$#!!!!

I know I lived in a little bubble back home.  And I understand that my old school traditional upbringing has left me a little naive and ill suited for the REAL world.  I probably should have seen all of the above coming tonight – but I didn’t. And yes it all happened.  And yes it made me upset.

I broke down and saw an international student counselor at school 2 weeks ago.  Things haven’t felt right for awhile and I wanted suggestions to deal with the stress.  Want to know what she said to me?  “I don’t normally advise this.  But in your case, maybe going home wouldn’t be such a bad idea.  It’s worth considering.”

I didn’t want to hear that.

So we’ll pretend she didn’t say it- at least for now.  Instead let’s focus on the fun part of my day – here are a couple pics from my first experience at the races.

races 1

Me and my FM – yay!!  He’s a blast.

races 4

races 3

This is a new friend from school – she’s an absolute doll!

You mean a kiss ISN’T a contract for marriage?

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I sent CC+4 who is now CC-450 a courtesy email yesterday to see how an appt. went because that’s what friends do and blah blah whatever who cares right?  right.  HOWEVER it reminded me of THIS POST which I never published.  But it’s a GGGRRRRR-ATE! one so please enjoy.

____________________________________

March 23, 2009

Ordinarily I would forward music onto CC-450 HOWEVER I’m afraid he may believe that a song is like the second witness signature (next to the kiss) on the contract for marriage? Say what? Are you confused yet? me too.

Someone, who will remain nameless but has 2 “C”s and a “-450″ in his code name, ACTUALLY ASKED ME, “You’re not like the type of girl who like… well you don’t think … I mean you don’t think if you kiss a guy it means …  umm … like you’re not one of those girls that thinks a kiss means like marriage are you?”

[pause.  long pause.]
[pause some more.  look to the side quizzically.]
[look straight again.  what did he just say?]

You’re not the type of girl who thinks a kiss is a contract for marriage are you?

Whew.  I thought maybe he said something else.  Glad we got that straight.

Umm hello!  OF COURSE I THINK A KISS IS A CONTRACT FOR MARRIAGE! And this is why, in pursuit of my dream to be the world’s most famous bigamist, I made sure to kiss him, Adorable Boy, Glitter Boy and another boy who will remain nameless all within the same week.  GASP!  DAISY!!!  You kiss slut!!!  How do you live with yourself?? Hey you – yeah YOU – the one judging me – I think that’s just about enough out of you. It wasn’t PLANNED – I mean – wait - just kidding.  It WAS PLANNED because hello?  How am I going to score myself 40 husbands unless I start knocking off those kiss contracts as quickly as possible?

(Though in all fairness to my image, I didn’t kiss any other boys in the northern hemisphere after I kissed CC-450.  No no – I’m a reformed kiss slut.  :D [insert I can't believe I'm writing this])

Wow – ok you still with me?  We’re getting close to the end. :)

Now look … I’m feeling guilty generous, so although I WAS going to count all of the ways in which what he said to me was like the WORST THING TO SAY TO A GIRL EVER (which would have been like a 12km long list) instead let’s just say – he shattered my dreams. Darn it! I’m going to have to rethink EVERYTHING now. If kissing boys doesn’t insure me those illustrious rings so many girls are chasing after – what do I do now?

Oh – oh hold up!  Wait wait.  Just had a thought!  this is a good one.  :) And I swear this is almost over.

Before I go doubting myself just because some boy wanted to make sure I know he isn’t interested in the R word [insert gee really?  thanks mr. obvious] … let’s think back.

Oh yes!  Yes I remember now!

I don’t have to have a broken heart quite yet. I remember now.  I DID get a memo on how kissing IS a contract for marriage. WAHOO!!!

He’s the one who is wrong.

Nice!  Score at LEAST one for Daisy!!  I’ll have to forward him the memo along with another sweet song. I’m pretty sure a diamond ring should come by FedEx in like at most a week right?  ;)

Pick-up lines and the t-shirt that solidified my super-villian status

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Allow me to elucidate. ;) I did NOT join the popular Utah link-up site which will remain nameless for the purposes of dating. I did it as a – well – kind of as a challenge.  My BFF Matty Matt and I wanted to see how many profile views I would get in one week.  I hit 2nd most viewed profile and called it good.  I didn’t log on again.  Until today.

Why did I do it?  Because I was bored. I had to wait around for the FedEx guy to arrive and he was taking FOREVER!  Plus everyone knows that logging onto the internet is what you should do when you’re bored.  [umm ...]  So I logged on and updated my status. Within minutes of logging on I had ten new messages.  WHAT?  This site has tons of married people on it – it’s a “networking site” – but we all REALLY know that it’s mostly used for dating. So LUCKY me!  And you! Because I’m sharing the sweet messages I got today:

  • Why aren’t you married?  (yep that’s all it said.  Hmm … I know why YOU aren’t with THAT pick-up line!)
  • I’m an ex-cop now working in TV.  Hope to hear back from you. 
  • I stubbled across your profile.  Wanted to say hi.  (You stubbled?  I didn’t know that was a word.)
  • Dang!!!, I take it your done with utah? too bad I missed you  (no no sweetie – thank GOODNESS I missed you.)
  • Hey Red, how is your day?  I lived in Brisbane for 2 years.  btw I’m a Psychologist.  (Btw – I don’t care and don’t EVER call me “red.”)
  • What!  you went to the UofU and didn’t say hey to me.  Do you have any super powers? (YES I DO!!!  Omgosh. How did he know?)
  • Thanks for inviting me for a swim!  (What?  But I didn’t … umm … WHAT?)
  • What are your favorite guilty pleasures?  (Umm hello?  Go away gross-o.  This isn’t a drama class or a romance novel.)

The others (there were about 12 more by the end of the day) were either acceptable or slight variations of the above.  So what type of responses WILL get a reply from me? Ones that make me laugh. But mostly I just look at the profile pic :) and go from there.  Let’s be real here – it’s an online networking aka dating site – I’m allowed to be superficial.  :)

Here’s a pic from New Zealand last week.  My t-shirt says “Stop Youth Obesity” and there’s a chubby boy catapulting a skinny boy off a see-saw.  On a scale from 1-angel to 10-devil – my FM says this puts me at 12. But … but … but …

a

New Zealand Hoist

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Last night at the Salsa Club (the previous post shows a pic but is so dang long don’t bother reading it :) ) was a lot of fun.  Except for the time that some moderately attractive guy and his superduperhot wingman approached me.

  • ModAttGuy – “Do you know when the breakdancing is supposed to start?”
  • Me – (in my head) omgosh – you’ve got to be kidding me.  It’s salsa night.  oh wait – OHHHH he’s trying to pick up on me – you’ve got to be kidding me.  Oh but his friend is pretty hot. “Breakdancing night?  Ooh – tough luck.  I think it’s only salsa tonight – but go for it!  You can breakdance to this music right?  There’s a clear spot on the floor – show us your moves.  No one will care and I’ll laugh at you.”
  • ModAttGuy – isn’t phased and continues his pathetic attempts to engage me in conversation.
  • Superduperhot Wingman – laughs appropriately because HE understood what I said.
  • ModAttGuy – continues to make terrible attempts that are not successful.
  • Superduperhot Wingman jumps in, “So will you dance with my friend Luke?”
  • Me – “Oh no.  I’m sorry.  I don’t breakdance and I’m very new at salsa.”
  • ModAttGuy – “Oh perfect because I’m a Kiwi and I only wanted to show you the New Zealand Hoist.  Anyone can do it.”
  • Me – skeptical.
  • Superduperhot Wingman encourages.
  • Me – I say “ok” only because of superduperhot wingman.

And this is where the ModAttGuy tries to throw me over his shoulder but I evade him because I’m quick-like-that and leave both boys speechless because in all of their history of this really dumb and incredibly pathetic “trick” no girl has ever been able to move quickly enough to prevent it from happening.

So what should we all learn from this?  One – Daisy shouldn’t write such long posts (like yesterday) and two – don’t ever fall for the New Zealand Hoist.  Three – if your name is ModAttGuy the attempt at the New Zealand Hoist is a DEAL BREAKER!  Oh and let’s throw in four for good measure – who needs a guy with smooth moves when I’m quick and smooth myself?  lol.

BUGGED!

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Today’s post is most definitely going to be filed under “Ooh – Daisy’s a little sour today.”  Don’t get me wrong – today has been a GREAT day!  But tonight’s interaction/catch-up with an old friend has left me reeling!  Reeling in the slightly bewildered and omgosh – yes it’s true – ANGRY! type of way.

Look – it’s not easy to get under my skin.  It’s not easy to upset me.  And it’s definitely not easy to make me use the word ANGRY.  But I do have a few hot “triggers” if you will and when I find that I have allowed them to be pulled (notice I’m taking ownership) it makes my head spin.  How did I let myself get angry?

I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that he started our evening out complaining about how he likes his life exactly the way it is and it’s a hardship for him to make time to see people.  Hmm …  ok.

Or maybe it was because he explained how he is sick of beautiful women because every beautiful woman is rotten.  And he’s through hanging out with beautiful women.  Hmm … but he’s hanging out with me … so … hmm … right.  Got it.  Hey – I may not be beautiful but at least I’m not rotten??

Or MAYBE – just maybe – it had to do with the fact that he became disgusted with me for asking him to explain a uniquely Australian idiom that I had never heard.  Or the fact that he only talked about himself the ENTIRE NIGHT.  Or maybe it had to do with the fact that at the end of the date he berated me because he could sense that I was uncomfortable and that wasn’t cool because it made HIM feel uncomfortable.  What a piece of work.

And the icing on the cake is that this was technically a “date” that HE set up!!!  AND HE TRIED TO KISS ME!!!  Call me crazy but I kind of only like kissing men who don’t feel like they are making sacrifices to their time, intelligence or to their standard of beauty to be with me.  I think you can find his name in the dictionary under Total DoucheBag!