The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

My naive inner cyber child asked my grown-up real life self, “Daisy, where do cyber-babies come from?”  And I have to be honest – I was a little stumped.  Cyber babies?  Wtheck?  And why do I have an inner cyber child?

Anyway, it has been my unfortunate experience as of late, to be the target of cyber-pressure.  Say WHAT??  Yeah.  I know.  I was shocked too.  WTHECK??

Call me naive but I had no idea how similar cyber-dating was to RL dating.  IN FACT – it’s actually worse than real life dating.   Why?  Because I added the word CYBER to the front of it.  And not only does that make it SOUND worse but it also allows for a whole new breed of douchebags.  Cyber Douchebags.  And guess what?  Cyber Douchebags are SUPER douchebags.

So right here and now – I’d just like to throw it out there that I have a Cyber Chastity Belt.  And GUESS WHAT??  I don’t lower my standards just because YOU have an iCloak of anonymity which gives you more courage to cyber hit on me.  And want to know what else?   I kind of  think you’re cybersluts!  Yep.  Cybersluts.  And cowards.  Maybe I’m wrong but I have a feeling you wouldn’t DARE speak to me that way in real life.  And if I could CYBERSLAP you, I would!!!!!

HOWEVER – with that said – I think it’s completely different when two people are getting to know each other and start cyber flirting and having a little cybersexy time.  That’s normal.  And I think it’s kind of fun to have an iCrush on someone.  In fact I DO have an iCrush on someone :)  BUT!!!!! What’s NOT normal are all the dudes from UTAH fronting to be religiously devout and “ohsoMoral and wonderful” but are REALLY cyberdirty and gross!   Oh SNAP!!!  Yeah – I did  - I went there.  I said it – and I think it’s time more people started taking a stand against cyber douchebags!!  Do you really think that morals don’t translate into the digital world?

There will be no iBirds and iBees busy making iSpring happen on THIS computer with any Cybersluts.  I have cyberstandards and iMorals!!!!    And I’m not going to have a one-night cyber-fling with you just because you think the internet is a guilt-free realm.  It shouldn’t be!!!! and I DO think your computer has a virus and I DON’T want it to infect mine.

I’ve got a super-fire-wall-cyber-chastity-belt.

And just like in REAL LIFE – in my CYBERLIFE, I can’t be PRESSURED into any cyberGROSS with you.

If you can’t tell – I MAY have been a LITTLE crabby that night with my ghetto beach-bum rock-band SUCKING neighbors – and because of a few other things like the fact that MEN DON’T HAVE HEARTS!!!  BUT!!!  GUESS WHAT????  LAST NIGHT I WAS EVEN MORE CRABBY!!!!

MORE!!

Hard to believe – I know.  But it’s true – or at least it WAS true for the whole of a couple hours until a hot knight in damp armor (it was raining outside) rescued me from my rottenness and I got over it – temporarily.

So what could have temporarily made Daisy  MORE crabby than all of those crabby emoticons above??

Oh I don’t know … maybe the fact that North Sydney aka CommitmentPhobe aka Ultimate Douchebag aka HE’S DEAD TO ME decided to call and RIP out my heart – total gory Halloween style – and SMASH IT UP INTO A NICE MUSHY MUSHNESS and FRY IT UP LIKE A HAMBURGER.

We dated a bit, I hated him for a bit, I fell in love with him for a bit and TWO weeks ago he told me he was ready to take a chance on love (this was TWO WEEKS AGO!!)

LAST NIGHT he called to tell me HE HAS GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER WITH HIS EX from two years ago THAT HE’S ALWAYS TOLD ME HE COULDN’T STAND and THEY’RE THINKING OF MOVING IN TOGETHER!

Say WHHHAAATTT???  Two weeks he told me I WAS THE ONLY GIRL IN HIS LIFE.  Right.  Can we say DOUCHEBAG??

My mom says he’s dead to us.  So guess what??  I hope he DOESN’T rest in peace and GUESS WHAT ELSE??

This is his official Daisy Blog Obituary.

CommitmentPhobe was really cool until he turned into a weird-o freak.  Ultimate Douchebag was always a douchebag.  And although I fell in love with North Sydney and his child and although he loved me in his own twisted way too –  he only loved me as his emotional and relationship CRUTCH and it’s time to let him walk all on his own.   Good Riddance!

And if I could stick my tongue out in childish glory – I soooooo would.  But he’s “dead” to me now – and to my mom – so I think it’s time to live it up a little in Sydney before I go home.  Watch out!  I usually take the high road…

but I think it’s time to take a walk on the wild side.

in other news, I took these really cool photos that you may or may not have seen on my other blog 4, 5, 6, ELEVEN Petals.

Ugh.

Anyway – back to the one sided convo – I’m good at these….

North Sydney got a similar email.  And no – I’m not bitter AT ALL!  nope nope nope – I’m in a FABULOUS mood.  hmphf!!

Hmm … I think a bullet point list ought to do.  YAY!!!  a LIST!!!  Wahoo!!!

What does this picture say about me??

1. I love ketchup
2. I don’t just LOVE ketchup but I totally <3 HEART <3 it TOO!!!  YAY!!!
3. Engineering CATASTROPHES kinda sorta bug me – kinda sorta in the way that I actually bother to take a picture of the catastrophe to post on my blog.  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WASH MY HANDS IN WARM WATER WHEN MY ONLY OPTIONS ARE BURNING HOT AND ICY COLD???  And no it doesn’t work to try and lightning fast swing back and forth between the two.  And even though the cold does feel pretty ok after SCORCHING your hand on BURNING HOT WATER – it doesn’t make it ok.
4. I attend the University of Sydney where these sinks are found.
5. I’m on pain pills for my back.  What? you couldn’t tell that from the picture?  OOOHHH.  Well now – look again dear friend and you MAY just see that I got ON THE WRONG TRAIN today for the first time EVER because I’m  a little YAYHAPPYDAY-DOTOODOOO space cadet.  I discovered my error when I landed in a town I couldn’t pronounce in an area I couldn’t pronounce next to a guy whose name I SURELY couldn’t pronounce.

And the best part??  The pills don’t even really work!  And thanks to the Dr. I went from a 6 on the Frowny Face scale to a whopping 8.8!!!  He said “Can you move your head like this?” and then proceeded to move my head BEFORE I COULD REACT and then YOWSERS!!  8.8 on the Frowny Scale.  The pill brought me back down to an 8 but I’d say a -0.8 reduction does NOT speak highly of the medicine.

Nighty night!!

oh and p.s. #3 has a new GF and – well – you ALL know what I won’t say right about now.  But what I WILL say is that they look really cute together!!  :)  And it appears those french fries that #3 told me I wasn’t allowed to eat because he was afraid I’d PORK OUT have landed smack dab on his hips while all that extra alkeehall he drinks now that his partner drinks with him has landed squarely (or should I say roundly?) on his belly.  HAHAHA! Karma’s a be-otch!

SNAP! I know I shouldn’t point fingers while I’m eating a bag of M&Ms – but seriously – you try being a space cadet while having EIGHT degrees of frown all up in your neck.

Violent Femmes – Blister in the Sun

omgosh – just KIDDING??  What is that?? it’s a foreign language!!  Let’s try this one instead …

ALRIGHT FINE!!!  Also mending my broken heart.  Stupid -3.  I actually DID imagine having kids with him, imagined a life with him – blah blah blah sappy sappy sappy – let’s just say – I liked my imaginings.  And now??  Now I imagine how great I will look in that sexy lingerie parading in front of a mirror – or maybe (mom just skip the next sentence) MAYBE even ONE DAY parading it in front of a hot rebound.  HAHA!  -3 had asked for pictures and then when he DUMPED me he very astutely observed that “I probably won’t be getting those pictures now will I?”  NO.  Haha – actually I think he will!!  A couple sexy pics (NOT SCANDALOUS THOUGH – I’m from UT) wouldn’t hurt him would it?  In fact I think it would be incredibly gracious of me – a nice way to say “Thank you!” and “Please feel sick at what you are now missing out on.”

Oopsie!  Did I just say that out loud?  NOPE!  But I did type it on a public blog so I think that’s CLOSE enough.

Anyway – back to the point.  I got a little distracted for a second talking about the old man (did I mention he was 42?)  Anyway … because I decided to stay an extra week in Utah I’ve taken this opportunity to spend as much QUALITY time as possible.  :)  YAY!!!  I love quality time.   Quality time = time with my dogs, time with my nieces and nephew and time with my family and close friends.  YAY!!!

BTW!!!  HUGE UPDATE!!!  Everything is back to normal with my family.  I heart them with my ENTIRE HEART (and always have.)  And I hear I have a pretty hefty heart so that’s a LOT.  :)  And it’s been a wonderful dream to spend time with all of them like we used to before things went a little sour.  Nothing better to heal a heart than a little unconditional family love.  oxoxoxoxo

Here’s a little video of some of my family – we’re just being silly and having fun.  This is what I call quality time.  :)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjBa-0l3BGM[/youtube]

He said his feelings have changed over the past two days. TWO DAYS?  Since when do you fall in love with someone and after 48 hours of doubt you break up with them?  Whatever.

I’m kind of angry to be honest.  I have spent the last 4 weeks corresponding with him DAILY, NOT dating, trying to hang out with CC+4 as little as possible and I’ve been FALLING FOR HIM – yes it’s true – I was falling for #3!!!!  Then – FIVE DAYS BEFORE I COME HOME HE DUMPS ME???

His reasons?  After he told me his feelings had changed I told him, “Ok” and said he didn’t need to give me reasons why BUT HE DID ANYWAY.  For the next 15 minutes he REPEATED HIMSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN about why his feelings have changed so I’ll share those with you:

• I’m from overseas
• We don’t understand each other 100% (no effin duh! we’ve only been dating for 2 months!!!!)
• He’s just not feeling like I’m 100% into it

Sounds to me likes he’s scared.  I AM TOO!  But I wasn’t going to break-up with him because of it!!!  I apologized that he didn’t feel like I was 100% and admitted I’m nervous about a relationship but that I did really like him.

Anyway – what’s done is done??  We’ll see.  But for now – I’m just a little bit angry.

UPDATE:  I sent an email to #3 confessing my feelings – he made the comment that I wasn’t 100% – I felt bad about that.  Anyway – I told him I respect his feelings though I don’t agree and I appreciate the time we had together (and would he please send me my cellphone as I left it in his car – oops!)  And he wrote back saying he’s been sick since he talked to me because he felt so bad disappointing me.

WTF??   I gave him NO indication that I was upset or unhappy by his decision on the phone – but he’s been sick because he disappointed me?  I feel foolish for having a momentary lapse of judgment and am absolutely thrilled that my email could boost his ego one last time.

ok ok – I’m being sarcastic.  Just not the happiest moment for me.  Always sucks to have a broken heart.  Especially a double broken heart since I gave up CC+4 for #3 … I guess I made the wrong choice eh?  just my luck.

Since you obviously refuse to go to sleep on time (this is a bad habit btw) let’s recap the weekend.  What did you do?  Oh wait – don’t tell me.  I remember now.  You went with #3 to a business/dinner party and then went on a little getaway to Palm Beach (in Sydney.)  How was that?

actually – never mind.  Let’s not focus on the negative.  Let’s focus on the positive.  YAY!!!  You didn’t murder anyone this weekend.  Hooray for you!!

I’m very proud of you for not killing #3.  Very impressive.  When he told you that he thought you were making stuff up about the latest article you read just because HE didn’t happen to see it himself – I know you were furious.  But good on you for holding your tongue until AFTER you left the party.

And let’s be real.  When he introduced you half the time as “Daisy” and the other half by an incorrect pronunciation of your Christian name.  You DID want to strangle him.  But you didn’t.  And that’s pretty freakin’ sweet.

It was also darn impressive that you didn’t roll your eyes in frustration every time you had to explain to very confused strangers that he calls you by two COMPLETELY different names (ONE OF WHICH HE WASN’T EVEN PRONOUNCING RIGHT!!!!!!!)

[deep breath]

And now, let us please not forget the most impressive feat of the entire weekend. When you didn’t stab him with your fork for suggesting that your opinion on the latest book you’re reading was googled and that you didn’t REALLY read the book.  That took some crazy will power and I’m still impressed by you.

OMGOSH!  I can’t even believe it.  I ALMOST FORGOT that you showed one more admirable restraint. 

Thank you for not sending yourself to jail when:

• A – he said that even though you’ve never mentioned ANYTHING about his drinking he believes that your abstinence from alcohol is a judgment against him.  (WWHHHAAAATTT????)
• B – he said that because he can feel this [deep breath Daisy this is about to upset you again] that he can FEEL this JUDGMENT that you never gave and that he is projecting onto you that he now has the right to fuss and complain over any food that you like which is fattening.  (WWHHHHAAATTTT?????)
  
• C – while complaining about the fact that you like french fries, he suggested that you will be a porker when you grow up and that he’s concerned you will blow out.   WTefF?
  
• D – he said that breakfast burritos are gross even though he has NO IDEA WHAT THE FLIP ONE IS and said that it’s DISGUSTING THAT I WOULD EAT A BREAKFAST BURRITO and that it just goes to show that AMERICANS ARE FAT (even though Aussies are statistically fatter) and that YES I WILL blow out.

Yes dearest Daisy – you are now officially AMAZING.  Because if you could make it through a getaway with #3 after he said all of THAT you must have some SERIOUS mojo/conflict resolution/forgiveness skillz.  HAHA but we both know you didn’t REALLY forgive #3 because when you tried to TELL HIM THAT HE HURT YOUR FEELINGS he MOTHER TRUCKING DISMISSED WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY AND CHANGED THE SUBJECT!!!!! So actually let’s change this …

YOU ARE ONE AMAZING ACTRESS!!!!

And I fully condone operation spite #3 for being a total DB.  What a stupid jerk.

WHO THE FLIP TELLS A GIRL WITH A HISTORY OF diagnosed EATING DISORDERS that HE THINKS SHE’S GOING TO pork out BECAUSE SHE LIKES french fries AND breakfast burritos????

[deep breath - ANOTHER deep breath]

Try and relax – you need your beauty sleep.

xoxo ~Moi

Night 1

went well.  We encountered a bit of the social crowd gossip by appearing together at a social crowd function but we avoided all conversational attempts to define our being there together.  (and my oh my did people try to get us to talk about it!!!!)  We snuck out of dinner early and walked around the Opera House – which looked like this:

He was charming and I didn’t hesitate to agree to seeing him on night 2.  Score?  (who scores things? apparently me.) He passed with distinction (or like an A-/B+.)

Night 2

also went well though he went to get “food” and came back with bread and cheese (which he does actually know I can’t eat.  Hmm….)  But the rest of the night was great and he ended up getting another pass with distinction – he threw in some extra credit at the end by being trustworthy and teaching me about some interesting conceptual ideas.  We parted on Night 2 knowing we would see each other night 3 but it wasn’t actually set that we would go to the night 3 function together.

Pic of Bertie Blackman Concert:

Night 3

was amazing fantastic and ohsogreat happy cuddles and butterflies!  And this morning BEFORE I recapped night 3 with my mom – I was all like #3 could be my Rob P. – SAWEET! Yay!  happyjoy!

But then as I was recapping with my mom, hindsight made my vision a little more clear and I realized #3 could possibly be a D.B.!!!  The jury’s out on this one …

But here are a couple pics from the party:

This is one of #3′s friends. He and I were booted out of the party during dinner.

This is on the way down the lift after being booted out of the party during dinner. I’m like SO excited can you tell?

BFA and Moi after dinner (I wasn’t booted out for good! Just couldn’t eat the dinner.)

LUV dressing up!!

I feel like it would make me less lazy if I told you WHY #3 was a DB but I typed it up and it was so bad that I decided I’d let it sit for a couple days first.  He and I are in that really awkward phase where we’re seeing each other 2-3 times a week but we’re not officially TOGETHER and so public appearances together are a BIG SUCKS!  Combine that with the fact that he was a SUPER DRINKER for the first couple hours (until I guess he decided to step up his game and sober up for me) – well – yeah – he said some REALLY stupid things.  Oh and I just LUVED how he dropped my hand on the street when we ran into fellow party goers.  Umm hello?!? It’s not like they didn’t see we were holding hands anyway – and dropping my hand and shoving it in his pocket was a DB thing to do.  But HAHA! he got his Karmic Justice when these same people wanted to share a cab and discovered that I was getting out at his house with him.  He couldn’t hide THAT!!!!

What are we – in JUNIOR HIGH??  HE DROPPED MY HAND!  Not cool.  Soooo not cool.

Neither was the fact that he didn’t up his PDA until AFTER he had scoped out the party.  Though to be fair – he arranged for us to arrive together – and leave together – and left dinner early to be an outcast with me and his friend … so yeah – the jury is still out on this one.

OOH but I did break a few drunken hearts.  Because although HE may have wanted to HIDE I was SO HAPPY that he could save me from the WAY-TOO-forward drunken advances of his friends.  So so nice – I miss my BFF Matty Matt.  He would ALWAYS save me and it was nice that #3 could as well.

Toothbrush Tree is an edgy girl band with a passion for payback.  With track names like, “You’re my number one DB” and “You’ve been played – playa” to “I don’t get jealous” and “Take your double standards and shove em” you experience firsthand how these girls play the game.  Toothbrush Tree takes bitter lyrics and mixes them with booty shakin’ bass lines and groovin’ tempos so that sass and scorn never sounded better!  Before you know it you’re singing along to “I hate you.  Yes, yes I do.  You say wha? wha? I don’t care.  JustbcuzIkissedya doesn’t mean Iwannaknowya.”

• Vogue Magazine called it “Empowering album for any woman who has ever felt neglected or scorned.”
• Women’s Health raved, “Best new workout album for the summer.  Getting in shape as revenge against your ex never felt so good.”

It started while lead singer Daisy was living abroad in Sydney.  “I was fed up with the double standard.  I like to kiss boys.  I like to date.  I like to play.  But this doesn’t mean I fall in love with every guy I crush on.  This album was a way for me to explore the nature of double standards and men whose egos can barely fit into an auditorium.”

“The name ‘Toothbrush Tree’ came from the idea of always needing a spare toothbrush.  If you know what I mean.” [Daisy winks]  “Blindness of Strangers” refers to the idea that you don’t KNOW unless you KNOW.  Judging just isn’t cool.”

In a recent interview with RollingStone Daisy stated, “I hope this album reaches out to girls who are feeling neglected and misunderstood.  I want this to reach out to the women who are fed up with men thinking they’re in love with them.  And I want to reach out to the women who have been judged according to a double standard.  Stand up!  No more!  Be empowered.”

Only time will tell, but this reporter predicts Daisy’s gusto and attitude will launch her straight into multi-platinum status.

HAHAHAHAHA!  Ok – there you have it.  Sure sounds like I am a bit bitter eh?  Hmm.  Well it WAS just a writing prompt.  Or was it?  I guess only YOU can decide how much of the content REALLY has to do with my life right now (that is if any of it did.) 

Here is a short and moving 4 minute video on Eating Disorders.

OK – NOW to the FUN STUFF!!!!  YAY!!!

I’d like to give a shout out to my Ultimate BFF –

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

This is an email from my FM.  UDB has been contacting me a LOT.  And he also has been trying to book time with me a week in advance!!!  I almost agreed to see him again … until FM sent me the following.

Daisy,

It seems UDB is not going to surrender and won’t accept rejection. He will keep trying until he gets his way..

Here’s some definitions of the term “lets catch up”:

if it’s from a past fling (especially players like UDB or Captain Charisma)
“catch up” means – let’s meet so I can use my great talents of persuasion, (cos’ I know I’m good), and hopefully we’ll pash [make-out] later

if its from a good friend (eg BFA or Matty Matt)
“catch up” means – its been ages, what’s going on lately? You’re fun to hang out with.. (No other motives).

see the difference?

Players:

- won’t call you during the week just to say hello but may call you to arrange a ‘catch up’
- will contact you once a week. That leaves him 6 other days to go out with other girls during the week.
- will arrange to catch up last minute if he’s in the area. (booty text)
- won’t meet your flatmates when he comes over to the house
- too cool to hang out with you at a party, in case there may be better girls around or other cool friends
- will call you after the party’s over and he hasn’t scored yet

Back to UDB.
He’s trying much harder now cos’ you’ve been rejecting him. He’s never worked so hard to get a woman before, so it’s a good challenge and will be a great ego boost if he gets you again.   Remember how bad he made you feel after your last date? There is no excuse and should be no more chances for him.

Why?
- He’s a tool
- He does not treat you right
- He’s got other choices
- You’ve got better choices and meet men everytime you step out
- He just wants to pash, you want substance and they are lining up
- Don’t lower yourself to be with him
- You’re not easy
- You have to be a bi*c# sometimes & teach idiots a lesson

There’s lots more but this is not a 1000 word essay.

later. x

So there you have it.  A complete breakdown of a DB.  Hope you enjoyed it!  My FM makes some very good points.  And while we’re enjoying things please enjoy the other pics of Bondi that I took today on our walk:

Happy Thursday!!  You should all be happy to know that I have said “no” to the last three requests to “catch-up” with UDB.