The Green Tawking Hippo Academy

It’s not like I’ve never been to school before.  it’s just…  Well, when did hippos start wearing polka dot bikinis?

Maybe the name of the school should have given it away. Green Tawking Hippo Academy for Women. But it sounded so cool! For a budding environmentalist, it seemed perfect! What could be better than a school located in the heart of Tawking Canyon , on the banks of the Green River , and named after an endangered species? Can we say “nothing?”

Oh if only it were that simple and if only Hippos knew how to spell. Even though the school WAS in the middle of Tawking Canyon , the school wasn’t named after it. In fact, it wasn’t named after the Green River either. The founders of the school MEANT to name the school Green Talking Hippo Academy after all of the rich, successful Hippos who work there and can talk. But although these hippos have mastered speaking, they have yet to learn to spell. So yeah -  tawking hippos – talking hippos. Talk about a trip!

It wouldn’t really have been so bad to learn from the hippos. They are very unusual peop… umm … they are very unusual mammals. But the hippos weren’t interested in teaching about their ways. Nope. They were more interested in other things; though those other things did APPEAR to be of an environmental nature in the course catalog.

First Period – Blossoming Flowers. “Oh nooooooo, Ms. Nooncy,” the instructing hippo, wearing a burgundy mini skirt and a black tube top, shouted to a fellow classmate. “Grey is the WORST color for you to wear. It blends right into your skin. You must stand out! Be noticed. No wall flowers in my class. We are blossoming flowers! Beautiful! Bold! B… AHH! Ms. Pugmore, a corset is NOT going to help you hold your tummy in – and goodness gracious, why would you want to? We’re hippos – we’re fat – it is our defining feature and we must not try and hide it. Love the skin you’re in Ms. Pugmore. Love it.”

Second Period – Don’t Hunt. The instructor of this class wore the most ridiculous blond wig. It was fantastic! “First things first class.” She said as she paced back and forth in front of the class, “You are all Big, Beautiful, and Bold Hippos.” Long pause. “Now, I want you all to take a deep breath and feel the air cleanse your body, nourishing your beauty. Ok. Down to the important stuff. It is imperative that you, as female Hippos, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT hunt for male hippos. We are NOT rhinoceroses. We are Hippopotamuses and we do not hunt or chase our men like THEY do. Our men chase after us and if they’re LUCKY we may pay them some attention. But as a side note I don’t blame the Rhino men from running away from their women – I mean come on – just look at them! I’d run away from MYSELF if I looked like that.”

Third Period – The Study of Mother Earth. This one HAD to be an environmental class right? A petite hippo, if there is such a thing, stood up in front of the class. “Mother Earth has given us amazing gifts. The gift of water and the gift of earth. If we mix these gifts together we create the gift of beauty. Today we will be learning about mud baths, mud masks and the power we have to be beautiful.”

You know what? Hippos are a little intimidating all on their own. But having to hide behind a rock to avoid being trampled by a herd of hippos racing to the banks of the Green River for a mud bath is down right scary.

Lunch

Fourth Period – Tree Huggers 101 – “And one and two and three and four…” The teacher stopped her squats to welcome the class. “Hello everyone. Go ahead and take your place by a tree stump and rip it out of the ground like this. Ok good. Except you over there – honey I think a tree is too big for you. Why don’t you sit this one out?” No problems there! The rest of the class ripped out their stumps and placed them firmly between their teeth in the proper “hugging” manner. I shook my head and sighed as they did squats, while “hugging” their trees. Apparently it improves balance as well as muscle tone in Hippos. Go figure.

Fifth Period – Meteorology. Everyone raced to the changing rooms after fourth period to change into their bikinis. Hmm … meteorology and bikinis? And then everyone rushed to fifth period – which was being held at the sandy nook along the southern end of the Green River . “Alright class – settle down,” the instructor announced. “Today we learn about how the sun darkens our skin and makes it even MORE beautiful. Find a beach towel, lie down and let the sun soak into your skin. I’ll remind you in a half hour to flip to your other side. I hope everyone remembered to bring their unique bathing suit shapes because you will adore the patterns they leave on your skin later.” Tan lines are adorable? When clothing is optional and you are hippo… seemingly they are.

Not long after everyone had settled in, each covering four beach towels a piece, the principal arrived. After welcoming all the lovely new students she asked “Would the non-hippo please escort me to my office?”

Her office was close by and once she was settled into her snakeskin chair she apologized for a grave misunderstanding. “This is the Green “Tawking” Hippo Academy for Women as you well know, and although you are a woman… you are not a hippo and the school is for talking Hippos only. My sincerest apologies for the misunderstanding.” She went on, “It’s just that dear … when we saw your name – So Hippo – we just knew you had to be one of us. Who else would name their child So Hippo?  hahaha!  Anyway you’re dismissed.”

Walking out the door I muttered back to her, “It’s Sohi … Poe. The name is Sohi … Poe… NOT so hippo.” Not that the correction really mattered. It may as well be So Hippo to a green “tawking” hippopotamus.

The excitement of a chase.

A hunt.

A catch.

A thrill.

Keep running.

I’m not through with you yet.

I live a different life in my dreams.  Not by choice.

The stillness of the night paints what it will.

I cannot escape this.

I accept this.

I live.

To be free. To feel. To love. To fear. To be.

The comfort of solitude.

You’re close.  But you’re not here.  You’re gone.

I stop.

I feel.

I search.

So close, so close.  You’re close.  So close.

I can feel you on the tip of my heart…

but you’re forever out of my reach.

Toothbrush Tree is an edgy girl band with a passion for payback.  With track names like, “You’re my number one DB” and “You’ve been played – playa” to “I don’t get jealous” and “Take your double standards and shove em” you experience firsthand how these girls play the game.  Toothbrush Tree takes bitter lyrics and mixes them with booty shakin’ bass lines and groovin’ tempos so that sass and scorn never sounded better!  Before you know it you’re singing along to “I hate you.  Yes, yes I do.  You say wha? wha? I don’t care.  JustbcuzIkissedya doesn’t mean Iwannaknowya.”

• Vogue Magazine called it “Empowering album for any woman who has ever felt neglected or scorned.”
• Women’s Health raved, “Best new workout album for the summer.  Getting in shape as revenge against your ex never felt so good.”

It started while lead singer Daisy was living abroad in Sydney.  “I was fed up with the double standard.  I like to kiss boys.  I like to date.  I like to play.  But this doesn’t mean I fall in love with every guy I crush on.  This album was a way for me to explore the nature of double standards and men whose egos can barely fit into an auditorium.”

“The name ‘Toothbrush Tree’ came from the idea of always needing a spare toothbrush.  If you know what I mean.” [Daisy winks]  “Blindness of Strangers” refers to the idea that you don’t KNOW unless you KNOW.  Judging just isn’t cool.”

In a recent interview with RollingStone Daisy stated, “I hope this album reaches out to girls who are feeling neglected and misunderstood.  I want this to reach out to the women who are fed up with men thinking they’re in love with them.  And I want to reach out to the women who have been judged according to a double standard.  Stand up!  No more!  Be empowered.”

Only time will tell, but this reporter predicts Daisy’s gusto and attitude will launch her straight into multi-platinum status.

HAHAHAHAHA!  Ok – there you have it.  Sure sounds like I am a bit bitter eh?  Hmm.  Well it WAS just a writing prompt.  Or was it?  I guess only YOU can decide how much of the content REALLY has to do with my life right now (that is if any of it did.) 

The assignment: 2nd person narrative – direct commands to self.

Pull into your parking spot. Jump out of the car. Hurry, you’re running late. Wait! Don’t forget to lint brush.

Let your love for your dogs who shed incredible amounts of fur show in your face as you think about all the hair you have to remove from your pants. Remember they are worth the extra fuss and the few stray hairs that the lint brush never gets.

Now, quickly throw the lint brush back in the car and grab your keys which you left in the ignition. Try not to be so ungraceful. Secure your badge. Straighten up! Press the “lock” button on your key remote at least twenty times. Maybe try to remember to replace the battery soon!

Work it while you walk because … try as you may … you were totally ungraceful when you were grabbing your keys from outside the car, struggling around the steering wheel and then grabbing for stuff on the passenger seat – all without actually having your body in the car.

Move those hips – you have some making up to do!!! Don’t look behind you because the super hottie is RIGHT THERE!

Wave good morning to the security guard. Move in closer for a more formal hello. Glance over your shoulder to see where super hottie ended up. Look away! Look away! Say goodbye to the security guard and smile to yourself because super hottie wasn’t only looking at you when you glanced over your shoulder but he was laughing at you too. Feel content that you entertain him because any attention is better than no attention. Be grateful that he at least notices you.

Also, make a mental note to be more graceful when you are in a hurry. Do the math in your head and realize he would have seen the dance you did while lint brushing your butt. And then recognize that he would have also watched you wrestle with the steering wheel and witnessed you fall over yourself to get your stuff out of your car.

Pick up the pace to make it to the elevator. Be aware that super hottie totally just slowed down for you to catch up. Smile politely at him as you walk past him. Act like you don’t notice he slowed down to walk with you. Remain mysterious.

Be self conscious that you missed a few stray hairs on the back of your black pants as you wait for the elevator. Try not to fidget because super hottie is standing DIRECTLY behind you.

Graciously thank super hottie for being a gentleman when he extends his arm toward the open elevator right next to him, signaling for you to go first.

For real – stop fidgeting, you’ve been alone in the elevator with him before. Cast a quick glance in his direction and then look straight forward. Don’t let your eyes falter. Keep your eyes on the door, he’s closer than you were aware and he will notice if you look at him again… and he probably noticed the quick glance you threw in his direction already.

Breathe. Remember to breathe. Count the floors silently as you pass them. Take a deep breath – it’s ok that it’s taking 40 times longer to get to your floor than usual. Don’t lose your patience just because you’re nervous. Be aware that you’re about to hit his floor but don’t look at him. Stop turning your head in his direction. Wait … stop looking at him. Don’t make eye contact. Hey – stop making eye contact. Don’t smile! STOP SMILING!

Well don’t be surprised that he’s talking to you now. And make sure that he doesn’t see the shocked jubilation all over your face.

Analyze his smirk… it’s teasing … perfect. Look at him innocently. Observe his voice, smooth and deep, “So… Dog or a cat?” Comprehend the question. Really do try not to blush!

Answer, “Two dogs actually.” Smile coyly. Now ramble because you’re nervous, “Kind of a lot but that’s what lint brushes are for. They work ya know?” Feel dumb because you just said something dumb.

Experience relief as he gives you a happy smile and nods his head in affirmation while saying, “Yep.”

Say goodbye as he exits the elevator. Allow the feeling of elation to sink in because he talked to you. Shake your head softly in disbelief and smile as the elevator continues to your floor. Sigh because he’s so adorable.

Marvel that you keep getting stuck in the same elevator with him but be cautious not to label it fate just yet – although it really is amazing that out of the thousands of people in the building he is the only one you happen to ride the elevator with time and time again.

Dream about the next time you will see him. Hope it will be soon.

My new blog is “Boris Likes Fish Tacos.”  And this is in no way a “plug” for the other site.  This is merely an “FYI.”  Australiandaisy.com is still my main blog and this is were the fun happens.  hee hee. 

Guess what I discovered that is really cool?

November is National Novel Writing Month

The rules are fairly simple and straight forward – they’re posted at the bottom of this.  And no I didn’t write the rules.  They’re posted by National Novel Writing Month.org

Who’s in?

Me!  Most people are quitters.  In fact last year, 101,510 signed up and were SUPPOSED to write 50,000 words in the month of November.  85% of the participants were big fat quitters. What this means is there is no pressure if you quit too. Everybody’s quitting!!

Who wants to sign-up and then be a quitter with me?  Any takers?

I have to admit there is a good chance I’ll be a quitter.  HOWEVER I’m going to start it and I’m going to try and get ScottPete to do it too.  If he and I are doing it together then I will be less likely to quit – though I don’t think the same goes for him.  ScottPete – I love you but you and I are cut from the same cloth.  We’re both quitters.  And since I know already going into this that there is a good chance I won’t finish, I’ve decided to give myself motivation.  If I pull this off I get to cross off like 30 of the stupid goals from my 101 list.

[guilty look]

What?  I mean I LOVE that 101 list but writing a novel in one month deserves some major credit!!  [guilty look]

THE RULES

1. Write everyday throughout the month of November.
2. Sign up at National Novel Writing Month.org.  Click here.
3. The idea has to be new – new characters, new plot, new novel.
4. Don’t Edit.  You can edit in December.
5. Write 50,000 words.  For more FAQs click here.
6. Scramble your novel for privacy and copyright purposes (using Microsoft word) then upload it to the National Novel Writing Month.org site for word count verification.
7. Get a winners badge and YAY! you wrote a short novel.

And THEN what’s even COOLER is Blurb.com will print up your story in paperback format and it’s only like $10 for 240 pages.  WHAT?  That’s freakin awesome!  Here’s the link.  Right HERE.