Slippery as ice!! Sydney’s dangerous sidewalks!!!

What’s more dangerous than walking on icy snow in wicked tall high heels?

Snow Bootsphoto by John Fraissinet’s under a CC license

Walking on SYDNEY SIDEWALKS in FLIP FLOPS!!!!

photo by Joseph Robertson under a CC license

No joke.  I’m not kidding you.  AT ALL.  Walking down a sidewalk in Sydney’s CBD when it’s raining and you’re wearing normal flippy floppies (or thongs for all you Aussies) is MORE SLIPPERY than walking along an icy sidewalk in heels.  And believe me – I have experience with both.

Normal sidewalks?  No problem.  The rain can’t get ME down.  But a sidewalk in the city? or in the central business district? or just anywhere non-residential?  WATCH OUT FOR YOUR LIFE!!!  If you don’t have kick-A traction on the soles of your shoes – you are going DOWN – flat on your rear.  Or if you have the powers of grace (like me hee hee) you’ll just slide around and look like you’re ice-skating for the first time.

Slippery When Wet Sign

photo by ??Tex Texin?? under a CC license.

I guess the good news is I get to feel like I’m dancing in the rain – a nice slippery smooth dance.   and really … if it weren’t for my flailing arms trying to keep balance – I’d probably be mistaken for a fairytale ballerina.

slipperyphoto by ME :)

Song by Tegan and Sara “Back in your head” (Tiesto remix)

Daisy says the Darndest Things days 20-31

It’s been awhile.  Like over-a-week-awhile.  Like the longest-I’ve-ever-gone-without-blogging-while.  Not a good thing.  What’s happened in the last 11 days??  A whole lot of not a whole lot.  Yeah – that’s right.

First I had an assignment due – a big one.  That was due 2 weeks ago.  I still haven’t handed it in.  Things haven’t been going as smoothly as hoped.

Day 20, 21 & 22- when I was still optimistic about my essay

20/365

21/365

22/265

Day 23 and 24 – Remember how I decided no more kissing North Sydney because HE IS A COMMITMENTPHOBE who FREAKS OUT every time HE kisses me!?!?  Yeah – that didn’t last long.  And then I went to my international adviser and she told me that she struggling to try and work with me because I’m smarter than her and my life is very complicated.  Gee – that’s encouraging. (insert glare.)

23/365

24/365

Day 25 and 26 -  I think it was about THIS point in my life when I discovered North Sydney didn’t remember ANYTHING about our meeting, his “stalk you later” phone calls and our very brief romance a year ago.  I very bluntly called this to his attention. :)  He tried to kiss and make up – I rolled my eyes and laughed.  Then I tried to do my essay and fell asleep over and over again.  Oh and I discovered I can tell the difference between fresh and not-as-fresh M&Ms. oh yes.

My angry face hee hee 25/365

Chocolate on My Lips 26/365

Day 27 – I went and met with the adviser again and this time she was more encouraging.  We determined that I’m having issues with essay writing because of my first semester as a graduate student when I had a super nasty teacher who used her dislike of my nationality to influence the marks she gave me.  As a straight 95% and above student my whole life – I lost all confidence in my ability to be a student after I received her grades and this lack of confidence is a detriment to my current studies.  :(  We agreed that discrimination and racism are out of my control and I need to try and move forward.  I decided to study in the park under the bright and beautiful sun.

Studying in the Park 27/365

Day 28 -  I actually went to class – instead of staying home sick like I did the rest of the week.  Class was REALLY good – I’m in the process of animating a girl on a swing set.  It’s a lot of fun and I can do it for hours and hours without getting bored.  A BIG relief from essay writing.

Flip Flop Season!! 28/365

Day 29 and 30 – I’ve had insomnia like no other the past couple of weeks.  “Bones” the television series has become my nightly insomnia treatment.  It also makes for great dreams.  I’ve never been a better crime fighter/super hero/pretend anthropologist in my life. :) lol.

Watching Bones 29/365

Bedtime!! 30/365

Day 31 – One month down – 12 more to go.

I love you! 31/365

It means “I love you” in sign language.  I might have accidentally kind of said something that would indicate the possibility that I COULD be in love with North Sydney.  I didn’t mean to!!  It slipped out!!!

He said- “You need to have kids.  You will be a great mom.”  (a nice compliment bcuz he has a child.)

I said – “Yeah but finding the right guy is going to be next to impossible.  I think I’ll just settle with my dogs – they’re like my kids.”

He laughed and said, “You’re getting close.  If you mix CC+4 with -3 you’d almost get the perfect man for you.”

I said, “Yeah but I’m never going to meet someone who is perfect and there isn’t going to be a guy out there who is a cross between all the good of CC+4 and all the good of -3.”

He said, “You never know…”

I said, “What I really need is just to find the American version of you – then I’d be set.”

I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAID THAT!!!

I told my flatmate that I couldn’t believe I let that one slip out!!!  North Sydney gets scared off every time he kisses me – and then I tell him he’s like the perfect guy for me??  My flatmate said, “Yeah but do you feel that way?”  I said – “Yes.”  And my flatmate said, “Well then you told the truth.  You shouldn’t be worried about it.”

He’s right.  I told the truth.  And fortunately for me – North Sydney DIDN’T freak out – he just took it as a compliment – and things are the same as always.  :)

Pics of the Day – not much else to say

Day 16 – A pretty good day!!

16/365 - always on my computer

Day 17 – A not so great day

17/365 My Heart's a Mess

Day 18 – today I had my ipod on the most downer playlist I have … I had a great day.  I made a new friend, got some work done – it’s just that my spirits are still a little bit low (see pic yesterday.)  I liked this street art – his look matched my emotions.  (and the over-saturation on just my hair??? HAHA!  Well – I have always said I want to be a super-villain – this was step one.  ;)

18/365 street art and I'm working on my supervillian persona - haha!

Hating my horoscope – I don’t want to put my heart on the line

Ok so my horoscope project is coming to – mostly – an end.  I’m still checking it on a daily basis but I’m a little bitter at it right now.

A little bitter at a horoscope??  Yeah – that’s right.  Why??  Because it’s out to get me.  NO FOR REAL!

FIRST it has me use North Sydney as a distraction from CC+4.  Which was actually a good thing because I need to let him go – completely.

BUT THEN I find that I really don’t want North Sydney as a distraction.  He’s my friend and he lives in Australia and GUESS WHAT?? I’m content with things the way they are.  AAANNNDDD the very same day I decided this I read my horoscope which said to be content with him as my friend.  YES CRAZY!!  I READ THAT AFTER I MADE MY DECISION!!!!  It was like the FIRST day I didn’t have to TRY to make my horoscope come true.

So I moved on – and 2 days later would you ever guess that CC+4 – I don’t even want to talk about him.  But I’m listening to the new song he sent me right now – and I’m – I don’t even know what – but I don’t appreciate my horoscope conveniently taking my life in a direction that might let CC+4 back in!!!!!  Out of all the boys in my life – he scares me the most.  No – not because HE is scary – but because liking him puts my heart on the line.  The other boys?  They’re safe.  CC+4??  Not Safe.

Day 14

14/365

Ok we’ll stop here – with a few little lines from the song I sent him,

“Hands down, I’m too proud for love.

But with eyes shut, it’s you I’m thinking of.  But how we move from A to B can’t be up to me cuz you don’t know who I was before you…

basically if you see a change in me – I’d be losing – so I just ignore you.

Cuz you’re not mine, not mine.

But maybe in time

I’ll tell you, I’m a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in love with you.

“I guess that I’m a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in love with you.”

Pic of the day – 12 and 13

12/365

13/365

Oh and HHEEEYYYY – my lil bro is back in the blogosphere.  Life sucks – and tomorrow is the same …

Overcoming Despair

Yesterday I read a blog which expressed feelings I know all too well.

Why is THIS all worth it?  Why??

(You can substitute the word THIS for many, many things – having your heart broken, deciding to get a much-needed divorce, working through your problems with a friend, recovering from an eating disorder, recovering from depression, dealing with hardships of school, life and life’s hardships in general, being nice to people who are mean, working at a crap job, etc – I think most people have a THIS – and what I’m about to say should apply to most of it.)

So seriously – Why is THIS all worth it?  Why are these challenges and heartaches worth it?? Why bother??

The blog I read was searching for meaning in the hardship – a meaning for the end result – a meaning for the acceptance/recovery/healing/hardwork.  And that’s when I found myself answering a question I’ve so often asked myself – why is it worth it?  Why continue?  Why push on?  Why NOT give up??  Well … because:

It IS worth it – but you have to change the goal.

Here’s an elaborated version of the comment I left:

camelias

When I start thinking about it all being ‘worth it’ then – if I’m not careful – I quickly revert back to old habits or want to give up. I KNOW what I’m getting myself into with old habits – but who knows what the future holds?  The future could be WORSE. – or it could be just as bad – but with a lot of extra heartache.

It is then – when I’m lucky and am able to step back a bit from my troubles – that I look at that question a little more closely.

Who knows what the future holds??

No one. And isn’t that a grand thing?

The future is ours for the shaping.

You have to have an AUNT to have toes like this ;)

Maybe the goal shouldn’t be the end result or finish line.  Maybe we should stop looking at “when I finally recover” or “when I finally leave him” or “eventually I’ll be over my eating disorder.” Sure it’s good to have hope for a brighter tomorrow – but life is about so much more than this.

Life is the experiences along the way – the detours, the speed bumps and sometimes?

Sometimes life is even about the stop signs.

dsc01688

Look – I’m not saying life is great.  Life kinda sucks!!  And I DEFINITELY haven’t wanted many of the experiences I’ve had – image issues, divorce, the death of loved ones… and has any of that been “worth it”??  H.E.DOUBLE NO.  or for those of you who don’t speak fake swear words – that’s a big HELL NO.

But that’s when my conscience kicks in with an old saying:

“Life isn’t about learning to weather the storms – it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

Colors in the Rain

We can’t control all of the storms that come our way – but we can control our attitude and our courage. If the point of it all is not recovery in itself but instead the challenge of accepting these trials while smiling through them – even when you want to give up – well that right there is something.
I totally understand the whole – “Yeah but WHY would I choose to go through this when I don’t HAVE to?”
WWWWEEELLLLL – life is about progressing – stagnancy gets you no where. :) You won’t learn a whole lot if you wallow in your misery or give up.  But if you move forward:
you challenge yourself,
you learn,
you grow,

you LIVE.

WHY BOTHER??
Because it’s a challenge, an opportunity for learning and growth and a way to experience life and ALL of life’s emotional intensity. It’s not about the destination – no no – it’s about the journey. And if you make the JOURNEY the meaning – then regardless of the outcome – it WILL be worth it.

rainbow

Pics of the day – 9, 10 and 11

9/365 - Love my new Pashminetta!!

10/365 - public transportation - Sydney Train

11/365 - waiting at the train station