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March 23, 2009

Ordinarily I would forward music onto CC-450 HOWEVER I’m afraid he may believe that a song is like the second witness signature (next to the kiss) on the contract for marriage? Say what? Are you confused yet? me too.

Someone, who will remain nameless but has 2 “C”s and a “-450″ in his code name, ACTUALLY ASKED ME, “You’re not like the type of girl who like… well you don’t think … I mean you don’t think if you kiss a guy it means …  umm … like you’re not one of those girls that thinks a kiss means like marriage are you?”

[pause.  long pause.]
[pause some more.  look to the side quizzically.]
[look straight again.  what did he just say?]

You’re not the type of girl who thinks a kiss is a contract for marriage are you?

Whew.  I thought maybe he said something else.  Glad we got that straight.

Umm hello!  OF COURSE I THINK A KISS IS A CONTRACT FOR MARRIAGE! And this is why, in pursuit of my dream to be the world’s most famous bigamist, I made sure to kiss him, Adorable Boy, Glitter Boy and another boy who will remain nameless all within the same week.  GASP!  DAISY!!!  You kiss slut!!!  How do you live with yourself?? Hey you – yeah YOU – the one judging me – I think that’s just about enough out of you. It wasn’t PLANNED – I mean – wait - just kidding.  It WAS PLANNED because hello?  How am I going to score myself 40 husbands unless I start knocking off those kiss contracts as quickly as possible?

(Though in all fairness to my image, I didn’t kiss any other boys in the northern hemisphere after I kissed CC-450.  No no – I’m a reformed kiss slut.  [insert I can't believe I'm writing this])

Wow – ok you still with me?  We’re getting close to the end.

Now look … I’m feeling guilty generous, so although I WAS going to count all of the ways in which what he said to me was like the WORST THING TO SAY TO A GIRL EVER (which would have been like a 12km long list) instead let’s just say – he shattered my dreams. Darn it! I’m going to have to rethink EVERYTHING now. If kissing boys doesn’t insure me those illustrious rings so many girls are chasing after – what do I do now?

Oh – oh hold up!  Wait wait.  Just had a thought!  this is a good one.  And I swear this is almost over.

Before I go doubting myself just because some boy wanted to make sure I know he isn’t interested in the R word [insert gee really?  thanks mr. obvious] … let’s think back.

Oh yes!  Yes I remember now!

I don’t have to have a broken heart quite yet. I remember now.  I DID get a memo on how kissing IS a contract for marriage. WAHOO!!!

He’s the one who is wrong.

Nice!  Score at LEAST one for Daisy!!  I’ll have to forward him the memo along with another sweet song. I’m pretty sure a diamond ring should come by FedEx in like at most a week right? 

“Bondi Beach is a popular beach.”

[roll my eyes]  No really?  Wikipedia failed this time. So I’ll just spout off some stuff I know. It’s the most popular beach in Sydney (and probably all of Australia) – it gets super crowded in the Summer – we had a shark attack this past month – the water is UNBELIEVABLY CLEAR and blue and pretty :) :) oh and it’s also where they hosted some of the Summer Olympic Games.  AND OMGOSH!!! I almost forgot – Bondi is home to the television series Bondi Vet AND Bondi Rescue.  I can’t stand to watch either show but hey – at least we have them! ;)

I think I should also tell you I have a baby crush on the dude from Bondi Vet.  He lives down the road from us and only seems to go to the beach on the days I’m not there.  My FM makes sure to rub it in every time.  “Guess who we were laying out next to at the beach?”  RUDE!

Well anyway – I loaded tons of pics of Bondi into the following video.  Enjoy!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVCMZ6w_O1U[/youtube]

NOW BACK TO LIFE.

I have to tell you that I wrote this super great post for today – and then I sent it to my mom and she LOL-d.  And not because she’s my mom – but because it was funny.  BUT THEN SHE SAID TO NOT POST IT – say what?  Yeah – she thinks it would be best to wait because it’s a little TOO current.  So I’ll wait – ohIdon’tknow – a week.  Yeah – a week.  Maybe next week I can tell you about dumb boys.

In the meantime I should tell you a different story.

ONCE  UPON A TIME (oh this will take forever … remember the story of the ugly duckling?  Substitute a dandelion for the duckling and a daisy for the swan and you’ve got the jist of the story. )  Ok so I just spared you 90% of the story.  WAHOO!!  I’m being economical. 

The part you missed was when this ugly dandelion/tom boy/ NERD was like 10 years old she was diagnosed with asthma.  But it was a hassle and the inhaler WASN’T COOL so she couldn’t be fussed and then FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT!

Fast forward to Daisy time. I went to the Dr. because some days I can jog-it-up left and right and others I feel like I’m going to kill over after 1 minute!  Not cool.  So the Dr. was like, “Hmm – that’s strange.” So he took FOUR vials of blood and gave me a heart x-ray (this was last week) – everything came back normal except he said I need to eat more red meat – and THEN he said, “No one in your family has asthma do they?”

DARN DARN DARN DARN DARN

I smiled.  “Umm … well … I was diagnosed with it when I was like 10 but surely I don’t have it anymore right?”

[long pause.]

Let’s skip the part where he reacted to my news and I felt dumb.  We DEFINITELY can skip that part.

Well anyway … he made me do some dumb breathing test at the lab – which I failed – and now I have an inhaler.  LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME.

But the good news is that I go back in one month to see if my daily treatments help.  I’m hoping he’ll tell me it was all a misunderstanding. Hey – it could happen.  Sure the asthma thing explains a whole lot – but I’m not convinced.  AND if I fail the breathing test AGAIN in a month I can be like “See?  I DON’T have it – I just have poor breathing test technique.”  -IT COULD HAPPEN-

• Ultimate BFF’s name means someone who has an extremely small bladder and constantly has to pee.
• Daisy means “the one” – or a girl who stands out as being your perfect girl as soon as you see her. (also means total retard.)
• CC+4′s name means someone who can look amazingly sexy while doing nothing.  (I totally agree )
• FM’s GF’s name means someone who is set in her ways.

Haha – ok so that was fun.  I had a good laugh.  NOW let’s be cereal serious.  Some of the definitions on urbandictionary.com are street slang – REAL street slang.  They have taken words – any word – and created 50 kajillion definitions for each of these words.  Many of the definitions are in stark contrast to each other.

Why oh why is this happening?  How is this acceptable?

I fall prey to the lazy slang trap too.  I’ve been known to say something was wicked cool.  And CC+4 says “sick kick” – don’t worry- I didn’t know what that meant either.  I had to ask – at which point CC+4 laughed.

But I AM concerned about the declination of our language.  My teacher made a great comment in class on Tuesday.  She mentioned that regardless of the digitalization of our world – we still can’t communicate without a common language (which requires grammar and spelling rules – along with shared definitions.)  I agree.

There really IS a word for anything you want to say – and if you can’t think of it – it’s probably because you need to expand your vocabulary.  In fact – instead of taking regular words and making them mean different things – oh prepare yourself – I’m about to say something CRAZY – maybe we should learn the CORRECT word. Oh but that would require WORK (roll my eyes.)

Speaking of work -  I’ve started a new workout plan – YAY!  I now jog on the beach 3x per week with my FM.  And starting next week I reduce my caloric intake.  I want to lose 5 kg – wish me luck!! 

And as far as the word “Brutal” I’m pretty positive that the definition IS in fact “sitting in a 3 hour class with a teacher who turned off the lights, closed the blinds, had a messed up power-point, didn’t give us any breaks, and was a bit flustered – when it’s a beautiful 80F outside and all you want to do is go to the beach.”  Oh yes – that is most definitely the definition of the word brutal – and my class today fit that definition.

And NoooOoooOooo this is not a wikipedia picture – I took this one all by myself – TODAY. I didn’t die (yeah yeah – I know) and I finally fell back asleep, only to be woken by a buzzing.  Bzzzz.  Killer spiders and now killer moths AGAIN!  Apparently announcing my woes last night in my blog resulted in their recurrence.  (Wait – Daisy – do moths actually buzz? – I don’t know – but what else could be buzzing in my ear in the middle of the pitch black night?  Don’t answer that – I may be less scared of moths than whatever your answer is.)

Ok so I was up and at it by 6:30 this morning and you can imagine just how chipper I was after a night of almost no sleep.  Superduperchipper.  Though my mood lightened a bit when I caught the early bus which ended up being slow; HOWEVER it was filled with hotties.  Superduperhotties.  Man oh man – if only I had understood that correct train/bus time is critical for superduperhottie stalking I could have filled up my name page with like 40 more boys!!!

My first class was through this door.

Did I mention that I’ve switched from the Uni of Syd to the Ghetto Jungle?  I just hope they have hip hop inside.  Hip hop makes everything better.  No seriously – it makes everything better.  Even ice cream.  And pancakes.

Ok – that was weird.  Moving on!  I liked class number 1, I also liked class number 2 and I thoroughly enjoyed these local hang outs:

I noticed a couple interesting things on campus today.

1. My skirt was too short – but not as short as everyone else’s dresses and shorts.
2. I look as young or younger than many of the undergraduate students.
3. I’m about to turn 27 and there are 19-22 year old men/boys eying me.  I think this makes me a cougar?  Hmm … I suppose I’m ok with that.  FM’s GF and I discussed (outrageously!) that maybe to celebrate my entrance into the late twenties that I should date someone from every age between 19 to 26 before 2010.   That’s quite a lofty goal – 8 men in one year – but considering I went on 7 dates with 7 different men in only 6 days back in January 2009 (yes – it’s true) – I may be able to swing it.  AGH!  I’m a shocka!!!  The only difficulty with this “aspiration” is that I still have a stupid crush on CC+4 even though I know I’m being ridiculous by still having it – and since I’ve decided to look for substance I just don’t see how I can look for substance AND date hot boys based on their age.  Darn it – there goes that fab idea out the window!
4. Spicy Salmon rolls are NOT as good as Salmon and Avocado rolls.
5. And if I swing it correctly – lunch time could become my new networking/social endeavor.

Ok so this post is already outrageously long!  So I’ll sum up the rest of the day with a couple pics:

First Day of School Picture – I’m not sure what I’m listening to – probably one of the kick-A songs that CC+4 sent.  The “Hot Thing” one was sweet – but “Pop the Glock” was even better.  There’s also a chance I was listening to some Meiko – I love her songs “Reasons to Love you” and “Piano Song.”

What a crappy pic eh?  Oh well – on to the next.  First semester I met Bruce -  he is a kindred spirit and a life saver!!!!  Pic from Semester 1:

Pic from semester 2: Bruce says I look younger … but I’m pretty sure my name isn’t Benjamin Button.

It was amazing to catch up with Bruce – he is like a wise fortune teller.  Except he doesn’t predict the future.    He just has an uncanny knack for really understanding the HERE and NOW.

Next I saw the following sign – wteff?  and I learned another latin dance.

So there you have it.  A VERY long day.  Very very long.  I didn’t get home until midnight and feel like I haven’t slept for days.  I am SOOOOOO crashing tomorrow – and maybe doing some reading on the beach.  Which btw – I have some great points to make on the book “How To Win Friends and Influence People” – so maybe I’ll get to that this week.  Oh and I haven’t forgotten – I need to post my cricket video!  YAY!!!

Does anyone else salsa dance?  How long did it take you to learn?  I seriously suck.

Here is a short and moving 4 minute video on Eating Disorders.

OK – NOW to the FUN STUFF!!!!  YAY!!!

I’d like to give a shout out to my Ultimate BFF –

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

This is an email from my FM.  UDB has been contacting me a LOT.  And he also has been trying to book time with me a week in advance!!!  I almost agreed to see him again … until FM sent me the following.

Daisy,

It seems UDB is not going to surrender and won’t accept rejection. He will keep trying until he gets his way..

Here’s some definitions of the term “lets catch up”:

if it’s from a past fling (especially players like UDB or Captain Charisma)
“catch up” means – let’s meet so I can use my great talents of persuasion, (cos’ I know I’m good), and hopefully we’ll pash [make-out] later

if its from a good friend (eg BFA or Matty Matt)
“catch up” means – its been ages, what’s going on lately? You’re fun to hang out with.. (No other motives).

see the difference?

Players:

- won’t call you during the week just to say hello but may call you to arrange a ‘catch up’
- will contact you once a week. That leaves him 6 other days to go out with other girls during the week.
- will arrange to catch up last minute if he’s in the area. (booty text)
- won’t meet your flatmates when he comes over to the house
- too cool to hang out with you at a party, in case there may be better girls around or other cool friends
- will call you after the party’s over and he hasn’t scored yet

Back to UDB.
He’s trying much harder now cos’ you’ve been rejecting him. He’s never worked so hard to get a woman before, so it’s a good challenge and will be a great ego boost if he gets you again.   Remember how bad he made you feel after your last date? There is no excuse and should be no more chances for him.

Why?
- He’s a tool
- He does not treat you right
- He’s got other choices
- You’ve got better choices and meet men everytime you step out
- He just wants to pash, you want substance and they are lining up
- Don’t lower yourself to be with him
- You’re not easy
- You have to be a bi*c# sometimes & teach idiots a lesson

There’s lots more but this is not a 1000 word essay.

later. x

So there you have it.  A complete breakdown of a DB.  Hope you enjoyed it!  My FM makes some very good points.  And while we’re enjoying things please enjoy the other pics of Bondi that I took today on our walk:

Happy Thursday!!  You should all be happy to know that I have said “no” to the last three requests to “catch-up” with UDB. 

My day started out great.   Not only did I get to talk to my Ultimate BFF, Matty Matt and my Mom on the phone but I also talked to CC+4 on Skype (insert insuppressible smile ) wait – I’m in a bad mood — what’s going on?  No smiling!!! This post is about why I’m FRUSTRATED not about some boy who makes me smile… it’s time to get SERIOUS! 

Back in SLC there was a radio station (X96) that published a list of “Things that must go” every Wednesday.  Today isn’t Wednesday and I’m not in SLC but I’m making a list of “Things that must go” anyway!  These aren’t in any particular order btw.

Things That Must Go!!!

1. Potatoes that explode in my oven because I forgot to prick them.  (HAHA- it’s so funny!  It sounded like a bomb went off in my oven.  LOL!!!!) – Wait – back to being serious.
2. People who leave food in the refrigerator until months after it expires. GROSS!
3. In relation to #2 – companies who neglect to put an expiration date on their packaging.  PUT AN EXPIRATION DATE ON YOUR FOOD!
4. People who flake out at the last minute leaving ME to do their part of the assignment.
5. The University of Sydney.
6. Boys who are like twice my age and who I did NOT flirt with but who ask me out anyway. NO!!!!!
7. People who say “____ Day is unlucky because 4 years ago I had a really bad day on that day.”  Umm – so did you have any additional bad days on that particular day?  “No” Hmm … Get over it!
8. People who think it’s OK to wear lavender Hawaiian prints with turquoise zebra prints.  (See pic at right)  HAHAHA!  Just teasing – these people should NEVER stop mix-matching patterns- it provides great amusement  And hold up – yeah that’s a little mean – but  I told you I was a super villain too. 

Wow!  Do I feel better already?  No.  But I’m getting there.  HAHA!  Just teasing.  I DO feel better.  Who wouldn’t feel better after seeing that picture?  lol.  And NOW I feel like I’m ready to try the whole baked potato thing again (without an explosion.)  After that?  HOMEWORK – which sucks.  But the GOOD NEWS is that I may get deported because the Uni of Syd can’t get their act together.  Oh wait … hmm …

I LUV the Venus razor. It’s great right? Right! Well the other day I was going to wear a skirt to a club and though I had shaved my legs that morning with my trusty Venus – I wanted a fresh shave for the night. I didn’t have time to run home so I stopped off at the store and bought the necessary ingredients for a Vegas shave (lotion and a razor.) It works like a charm!

Or at least it does with the Venus.

I was in a hurry and just grabbed a cheap-o disposable razor because my girlfriend said it works just as well in a bind.

Umm …

WRONG!!!

I bet you already see where this is going! Did you see about 40 trillion gajillion little pricks of blood all over my cut-up legs? If you did then you must be psychic! Congrats! That’s a cool superhero power. And I bet you also saw that I would NOT be wearing a skirt because of it either. A great way to save time right? I got to waste even MORE time changing clothes!!!

Life lesson? Don’t trust the people who tell you cheap-o disposable razors are ok in a bind. It’s not true.

And on a positive note I felt like a pre-teen again shaving my legs for the first time. Ah – such happy – terrible horrible very traumatic – memories.  Hooray for me!

Oh and I don’t know why but I feel the need to tell you I’m in love with the song “Day N Nite (Crookers Remix)” by Kid Cudi.

In my wanderings I found a detox drink recipe that we are ALL supposed to have every morning.  It’s made with lemon, cayenne, honey and water.  I decided it was time for me to make it.

What a foul drink.  Please kill me now!  I will NOT drink cayenne pepper with honey and/or lemon ever again.  If I’m supposed to have more lemon in my day – fine.  I’ll add THAT to my water.  If I’m supposed to have cayenne in my diet – fine.  I’ll sprinkle it on my food to give it a little spicy kick.  But I will not EVER drink cayenne pepper in water with honey again.

I’m scarred for life.

Hey but if YOU want to try it – maybe you’ll like it.  Just mix 8 oz water, 2T lemon, 1/4 tsp cayenne and 1T honey.  Give it a go!  It may turn out to be your FAVORITE thing in the whole world.

DAISY!!! [the crowd goes wild!]

It’s quite an honor to win this award. You see … I’ve been working really hard at wasting as much time as possible since I moved to Sydney. It hasn’t been easy. No no no. In fact, I was a chronic go-go-go-er back home. But not here!

Sure, slowing things down was quite an adjustment at first. But NOW – well I waste super uber duper amounts of time. And I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone and everything that allows me to waste the amount of time that I do.

How do I do it? Here are my secret ingredients:

1. Not having a car (I would rather do nothing than take public transportation.)
2. Being a Girl (getting dressed, changing outfits, playing make-up, doing my hair, looking in the mirror, changing clothes again, putting on lotion… you get the picture.)
3. Boys (where do I begin? Let’s not and say we did.)
4. Homework (I would rather do nothing than do homework and really … if I didn’t have so much homework I wouldn’t have to keep picking “nothing” as my action of choice.)
5. The weather (Rainy days are perfect for doing nothing.)
6. Not having a job (Can we say lots of time to do nothing?)
7. Sleeping on a Futon (I require extra sleep to make up for the low quality.)
8. The Internet (yeah … oops! Did 3 hours just go by from email, IM and blogging?)
9. My Phone (talk, talk, talk, talk, talk … waste time, waste time, waste time.)
10. The Shower (no explanation necessary.)

Yes yes – thank you, thank you. Oh and as a little update, I went out with the New Guy Who Really Needs a Nickname for breakfast yesterday and then caught up with the NEW New guy Who I Haven’t Told You About Yet for dinner. Tomorrow more New Guy and then Saturday more New Guy AND more NEW New guy. And yeah … do you see how easy it is to waste time on boys? Not only do I have to get READY for each time I see these boys but I also have to keep them straight!!! Are you confused yet? Because I sure am.