What do you do when someone gives you a deliciously good but terribly wrong idea, it’s the middle of the night, you’re jetlagged, tired, overly tired, eating lollies because the first Oprah show you EVER watched in your entire life (which was 2 days ago)  told you that it’s time for you to make a commitment to yourself to lose weight because you only eat because you crave balance yet you have no idea what that balance is and your niece just cancelled on her Valentine’s Day date with you??

I’ll tell you what you do – no no no.  I’ll SHOW you what you do.  :)  You take her advice!!!  So here’s to you Michele from inalittleminute – I took your advice.  :)  (insert devilishly delighted and probably a bit disturbing HEE HEE HEE – dang I love photoshop!)

Voila! – A la WENCHFACE!!!  :)  Hmm … who needs to be watching Oprah NOW??  Apparently not me.  ;)  Ah hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Look – I’ve already told you all in MANY MANY posts that there is a nice spot in Christian Hell being saved for me by my BFFer – so before you go all – YOU’RE THE DEVIL on me – take a deep breath :) (aw – doesn’t that feel nice??) and know that I just ate a whole bag of Fantales and am well on my way to eating the mysterious balance I crave and getting my just deserves.

OOOOH – speaking of which!!!  YAY!!!  Let’s get back to my story!  Wahoo!!!  Where did we leave off?  We left off here:

“wenchface made a bunch of wench noises like “ugh” and SCOFF and she started being all huffy and puffy and I wondered if the big bad wolf would do me a favor and blow her down.  My stranger and I wasted our breath trying to assure her it was all good – WE EVEN INVITED HER TO COME WITH US but she refused saying, “I left my cell phone in the car.  I’m going to go make a call while you go down there and I’ll meet you at the beach in a bit.”  Whatever…

And off we went!!  YAY!!!  Down to the BOILING POT …. dun dun dun ….

AAANNNDDD NOW for the video I promised.  ;)  YAY!!!  I know most of you don’t like watching videos in blog posts – but seriously there are some wicked cool waves toward the end of this that SMASH My Sexy Stranger – sad! – you should check it out (plus the very end shows how cut up his knee got …)

Video of Wicked Cool Waves:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-SXSHaQarM[/youtube]

Ok so he convinced me to get into the tidal pool thing with him – I refused to do the underwater tunnel thing (I mean come on! for real? you saw those waves – I wasn’t going to do that!) and then we decided it was time to go meet Wenchface at the beach and yeah – this might come as a surprise to all of you  - but she wasn’t there.  She wasn’t where?  Oh you know – THERE – at the beach  - where she said she would be.

I’m going to be honest with you – we didn’t really think much of it – the whole her-not-being-there thing.  We were just like “Oh she probably ran to the Lil Girls’ room” or something and then because The Random Stranger from LA was bleeding profusely I went into Nurse mode and made him go rinse off in the ocean and we played around a little waiting for her to appear.  If we had known it was going to take dark magic, 14 spells and a shark hair to bring her back – we PROLLY would have started collecting the ingredients needed to brew up the special concoctions in our portable cauldron – but you see – we weren’t given enough notice and by the time we realized she wasn’t coming back – had checked the beach 10 minutes away just to make sure we hadn’t gone to the wrong beach and then walked ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE CAR THAT WASN’T THERE – the sun was getting ready to go down and the magical hairy shark of yesteryear that ONLY appears for 2 minutes once every 5 trillion years – had already swam back into the ocean.  (what? it’s like an imaginary ancient Australian legend – imaginary meaning I just imagined it.)

I pretty much blame the Random Stranger for our being ditched.

On our way to the second beach (before we were tired and grumpy) he was all like, “Oh I don’t have my cell phone.  It’s kind of nice.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just vacation like this?  With no luggage, no phones, no computers – and just be totally relaxed and chill?”  And I  - because at this point I was deluded with fanciful thoughts of being stranded with him – was like, “Yeah, actually, that would be kind of nice wouldn’t it?”  *sigh – what was I thinking??*

But then – after we got to the beach and realized she wasn’t there and realized we had a 30 minute uphill walk back to the car and I personally realized he had just JINXED US – then I was like, “You should be careful what you wish for – I think you just jinxed us.”  And he was like, “No way – Wenchface wouldn’t ditch us.”  And I was like, “Oh yeah?  Well I sat right next to her at dinner the other night and I’m pretty sure she would.”  And WHADAYAKNOW??  I was right.

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!  I COULD have been fuming mad and irritated at the whole thing but dang dang dang!!! being stressed and angry in a situation like that would have done nothing to help AAANNNDDDD it wasn’t the Random Stranger’s fault and I didn’t want him to feel worse about the situation than he already did…  Soooooooo I had to suck it up – deal with it – and TRY and be reassuring.  ”It’s ok that your wenchface of a friend ditched us two hours away from Brisbane and didn’t even bother to call us (yeah I had my cellphone!)” I tried to tell him – but I think my words sounded about as fake as the color of her ratty hair…

We did have a FRACTION of juice left on my cell phone (which btw she had my number and didn’t bother to call and say she was leaving us) so we called her and she said that because she hadn’t known if we were still at the boiling pot she left.  And then she refused to come back.  omgoodgreatheavensabovekillhernow.  Big lies.  Do all of the sherlock sleuths out there remember that you can see the ENTIRE boiling pot from the walkway?  Whatever – it’s pointless to try and rationalize with irrational people.  And no amount of analyzing is going to make her lies suddenly make sense and be truthful.  She ditched us – she’s a hobag – that’s that.

I had more important things to worry about than arguing with her about whether she was telling the truth – I had to worry about the fact that it was getting late and the Random Stranger and I had NOTHING on us but my bag (which I had pretty much emptied out before the road trip.) Oooh!  And this was when I saw a KOALA IN THE WILD!!!  I was so excited (well as excited as I could be under the circumstances)

So yeah …  there I was – with a now dead cell phone – in a small city far away from everywhere with an almost complete stranger.  Sweet.

Ok ok – we’ve reached MAMMOTH scale – next up will be hitchhiking, big decisions, no vacancies and more!  :)