Yesterday I read a blog which expressed feelings I know all too well.
Why is THIS all worth it? Why??
(You can substitute the word THIS for many, many things – having your heart broken, deciding to get a much-needed divorce, working through your problems with a friend, recovering from an eating disorder, recovering from depression, dealing with hardships of school, life and life’s hardships in general, being nice to people who are mean, working at a crap job, etc – I think most people have a THIS – and what I’m about to say should apply to most of it.)
So seriously – Why is THIS all worth it? Why are these challenges and heartaches worth it?? Why bother??
The blog I read was searching for meaning in the hardship – a meaning for the end result – a meaning for the acceptance/recovery/healing/hardwork. And that’s when I found myself answering a question I’ve so often asked myself – why is it worth it? Why continue? Why push on? Why NOT give up?? Well … because:
It IS worth it – but you have to change the goal.
Here’s an elaborated version of the comment I left:
When I start thinking about it all being ‘worth it’ then – if I’m not careful – I quickly revert back to old habits or want to give up. I KNOW what I’m getting myself into with old habits – but who knows what the future holds? The future could be WORSE. – or it could be just as bad – but with a lot of extra heartache.
It is then – when I’m lucky and am able to step back a bit from my troubles – that I look at that question a little more closely.
Who knows what the future holds??
No one. And isn’t that a grand thing?
The future is ours for the shaping.
Maybe the goal shouldn’t be the end result or finish line. Maybe we should stop looking at “when I finally recover” or “when I finally leave him” or “eventually I’ll be over my eating disorder.” Sure it’s good to have hope for a brighter tomorrow – but life is about so much more than this.
Life is the experiences along the way – the detours, the speed bumps and sometimes?
Sometimes life is even about the stop signs.
Look – I’m not saying life is great. Life kinda sucks!! And I DEFINITELY haven’t wanted many of the experiences I’ve had – image issues, divorce, the death of loved ones… and has any of that been “worth it”?? H.E.DOUBLE NO. or for those of you who don’t speak fake swear words – that’s a big HELL NO.
But that’s when my conscience kicks in with an old saying:
“Life isn’t about learning to weather the storms – it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
We can’t control all of the storms that come our way – but we can control our attitude and our courage. If the point of it all is not recovery in itself but instead the challenge of accepting these trials while smiling through them – even when you want to give up – well that right there is something.
I totally understand the whole – “Yeah but WHY would I choose to go through this when I don’t HAVE to?”
WWWWEEELLLLL – life is about progressing – stagnancy gets you no where. :) You won’t learn a whole lot if you wallow in your misery or give up. But if you move forward:
you challenge yourself,
you learn,
you grow,
you LIVE.
WHY BOTHER??
Because it’s a challenge, an opportunity for learning and growth and a way to experience life and ALL of life’s emotional intensity. It’s not about the destination – no no – it’s about the journey. And if you make the JOURNEY the meaning – then regardless of the outcome – it WILL be worth it.
Pics of the day – 9, 10 and 11
So good. I love this post. It has particular meaning for me today. You are great Daisy, a beautiful writer and a beautiful person! Next time I have a $hit day, can you give me a pep-talk about why I’m doing THIS? :-) Wonderful post! xo
Fantastic post.
At first I started reading thinking “I don’t really have a this” but then as I read on, I started to realise the this’s I have. Most of them I set for myself, because I love to punish myself (not really. Because as you said it’s about personal growth and the feeling that comes with accomplishing something), and then of coure there as the THIS’s that life throws out at you. Like Dexter with his plates on sticks.
Great post. You seem to have stumbled upon one of points Victor Frankl makes in that book I mentioned. (Don’t you love it when you “discover” things on your own, and it just so happens that other great minds agree with you?)
Anyway, he posits that one of the three main ways that people find meaning in their lives is through unavoidable suffering. The sufferer has the option of giving in to despair, or enduring it and becoming “worthy” of his suffering. (The other two ways of finding meaning, according to the author, are through creating or achieving something, and loving someone.)
My strategy is usually to look up on the unavoidable suffering as a learning experience. Since there’s nothing I can do about it (unavoidable, after all), I prefer to think of it as a lesson learned. This serves to remove myself from the present awfulness of whatever is going on and mentally jump to a point in the distant future where I’m just looking back at it as a memory. That’s the theory, anyway. :)
And of course…the suffering must be unavoidable. The only lesson to be learned from avoidable suffering (masochism) is to remove yourself from it!