It’s late at night and I’m going to overshare. It’s not that I don’t recognize that I should create rules for myself – like maybe “If you know you are tired and are aware that you could be admitting/confessing information that may be best to NOT share on a public website – DON’T!!” because I totally do. I KNOW I should be careful when I’m tired but at the same time when I’m tired I can’t be bothered to follow rules. GASP! Yeah yeah – I know – I’m in love with rules but tiredness makes me EXTRA apathetic.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?? *big smiley face*
It means I’m going to give you a debriefing on CC+4, #3 and that new Jordin Spark’s craptastic song that I downloaded because well – LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD – oh and I’m also going to explain why I am at war.
THAT’S RIGHT! I’m AT WAR!!! … or at least my heart is …
LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD
The song says “Don’t try to explain your mind I know what’s happening here. One minute it’s love and suddenly it’s like the battlefield. … I never meant to start a war.”
I’m trying to decide how to make this long story short – ah ha! OUTLINE!!!
- #3 calls and quizzes me on my “sportiness”
- I wonder why the BLEEP he’s telling me he wants to get me into the gym
- #3 confesses he thinks I’m wonderful
- I say, “Yeah except you think I’m fat.”
- #3 FREAKS OUT!! He just wanted to spend quality time with me
- I think “oopsie!”
- #3 decides we don’t understand each other and wants to get to know the “real me”
- #3 tries to upset me
- I get upset
- #3 drops the L bomb
#3 DROPS THE L BOMB!!!!!!
And then I say, “What? No I don’t think so. You can’t drop that on me right now while you’re PURPOSEFULLY TRYING TO MAKE ME UPSET!!”
He blah blah blahs some more and his phone dies. And I’m left bewildered.
And then I went boating and well – see for yourself. Me w/CC+4.
A picture speaks a thousand words. And this pic in color – well – it speaks volumes. Volumes and volumes. It’s a great picture but I can’t go down this road again. It hurt too much last time. He crushed me when suddenly stopped logging onto skype, stopped responding to emails – he deserted me. And yet the feelings were instantly rekindled when I got home … but I don’t work that way.
I CAN’T TURN MY HEART OFF AND ON LIKE THAT!!! And seeing him again … I can’t … I can’t. I’m slipping – I have feelings for him. But …
I can’t. I really really can’t. My heart can’t take it. Not now – not when I’m supposed to leave in a week. Not when #3 is dropping the L bomb on me. Not when – well – not now.
My life is in Syndey now right? I live there. It’s where I’m supposed to be.
right ?
And I REALLY like #3.
So CC+4 – well … maybe I need to let him go. Figuratively of course. I need to tell my heart to let him go. I need to focus on what’s REAL. And although my feelings for him are most definitely real – CC+4 has not done anything to lead me to believe he has any intentions for long term. And if I can fully let him go – my heart will have no strings holding it back from #3.
I guess that settles things. I have feelings for #3. I have feelings for CC+4. #3 has feelings for me. CC+4 – ?? #3 wants a relationship. CC+4 and I live 8,000 miles apart. And now I just have to convince myself that spending time with CC+4 will do nothing but make the break in my heart more painful when I leave. It’s time to let go.
But … if that’s the case – why does my heart feel this way??
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
I’m never good at giving advice in these situations. I don’t understand what you’re going through because I’ve never been through anything like it.
But if you want advice on turning your heart on and off, I might be able to help. You know where to find me.
Oh my wow. Yes, those photos… Hot. Max… hot. Wow. (You are already hot!) :-) Yes, my dear love is a battlefield. Gosh I could write things in this comment box about my own experiences, but maybe I shouldn’t. But let’s just say it is hard… always hard. I have been there. Letting go is VERY hard and I relate. I am terrible at advice considering I’m only muddling my way through my own life. But #3 does sound wonderful and I can see why he’d drop the L word. You are worth it. :-) You know, you’re a smart cookie. Just live in the moment, don’t over-think things and enjoy life because we only get one shot at it. Keep us posted! xo
Oh me o my…I can’t WAIT to see what happens with this one. But i can’t help but state the obvious… one “deserted” you and one dropped the L word. Seeing as you like both of them, shouldn’t you go for the one that seems to reciprocate fully? Ooo more soap opera blogs to follow I hope :)
Unfortunately one’s heart doesn’t listen to one’s head. Sometimes you do have to make the heard decisions and it will hurt (a lot), but you will get through it with flying colors (cuz I know you will). The obvious choice is always in front of you, and it may be hard to make but I know you can do it. Good Luck Girl!!
P.S. That is so sweet that #3 said the L word, soon, but sweet.
Whoa, hot picture! I’m the last person to give advice on this as I’m constantly back and forth with my own guy who seems to thrive on deserting me. Obviously you should stay away from CC4, but I know damn well it’s easier said than done. Good luck with this one, looking forward to seeing how it turns out.
That’s a really tough decision & I’m terrible at giving advice so I won’t even being to tell you what to do. LOL!! You know that you’re going back to Sydney, so I think it’d probably be hard to continue a relationship with CC+4. And now that you’re going back to Sydney, I may be going to Utah for 2 months starting September, Salt Lake City to be exact.