If you have been following this blog and have been reading between the lines it will come as no surprise to you that I suck at life right now. 
Yes I put a smiley face there. Why? Because there’s no point frowning about it is there? Plus it’s a bit amusing to think about the fact that someone could “suck at life” – I realize the inherent EVERYTHING in that statement mmm kay? But I chose to use the statement anyway. Because I do suck at life right now – but my presentation is still up to par.
It occurred to me that the only people who would know I suck at life right now are people who caught the few confessional blogs recently or the few friends I’ve let in on it. Other than that and well – my international student adviser and my teachers at school (who OMGOSH- AGH!!!) – no one would have any clue.
Someone questioned my authenticity because I appear to have everything under control when I FEEL as if nothing is under control. This really bothered me. Does it make me less authentic because I choose not to tell everyone I meet that my sky is falling? Does it make me less authentic if I maintain a certain level of vanity when my inner life is scattered and chaotic? Why do I have to LOOK like a disaster just because my life is one? And why the H.E.DOUBLE do I need to act like a disaster if I have personal troubles? I don’t!!!
Life is what you make it. I can control SOME things. Other things are outside of my control. The things I CAN control – I do. Why does that make me not authentic?
Ok so I maintain appearances. I participate in the normal life activities. I still LAUGH and SMILE and crack jokes and go to parties even though I’ve cried more in this past few months than I have in the past year. THAT DOESN’T MAKE ME FAKE! It just means I’m a fighter and I’m fighting to be happy.
I believe our thoughts follow our actions. And even when my thoughts are less than happy I still try and live a normal, happy, active life. Why is that such a crime?
What do you think? To be authentic do you need to ACT depressed when you FEEL depressed? Is it ok to look good when you’re not feeling well? Does it make you fake to seem happy, in control, and on top of the world when you don’t always feel that way?
I think the next person who questions my authenticity because they ASSUMED my life is perfect and they ASSUMED I’ve had a trial-free past just because I choose to be happy and I LOOK happy – I’m going to tell them to shove it. Just because THEY can’t maintain appearances when their life is going to pieces doesn’t mean that I have to follow suit. 
I totally agree with you. Just do your thing!
i think the real problem people have is that they are jealous that you have the ability to remain optimistic in tough situations.
the people who tell you that you’re not authentic because of this wish they could be more like you.
:)
Its ok to present yourself as happy and well, but its most important to find the answers: Why do you “suck at life”? Why is your sky falling? What can you do to fix this, so that you actually feel good about your life as well as look good?
I don’t know enough about Twitter to have an opinion about it, but I do have some questions. Why do people find the need to tell the world, every thoughts that comes to mind, in every minute of the day? Is it acceptable to share sensitive, personal thoughts with people you don’t know when they are normally shared with very close friends or relations? Does it make you feel important if more people respond to your tweet? If you have have 500 tweeter followers, would you consider them as as part of your circle of friends, even the ones you’ve never met in person? How do you know if the person twittering you is not a phsyco-serial killer? Isn’t it more sociable and personal to have conversation with friends over lunch or dinner?
WOW – Thank you so much for a well thought out comment! :) Your 1st three questions are great ones. I completely agree with you!!! And that’s why I started working on this LONG before I ever posted it on my blog. I do have many weaknesses but one of my strengths is the fight to make things better and to be happy – which definitely means solving the underlying issues.
As far as twitter – this must be a comment relating to the post on May 5, 2009 about twitter. I think there are a lot of misconceptions about Twitter and it’s totally understandable. With all of the spoofs and news stories making fun of tweet-ing it’s easy to think that twitter is used merely for self-promotion.
Personally I started using twitter because of school. We study twitter in school and I wanted to better understand how it works. I’ve continued using twitter because twitter makes me laugh. I enjoy reading funny tweets and I try and keep mine pretty light hearted. In addition, I’ve met many bloggers throughout the blog world who I enjoy connecting with on twitter. It’s great to get to know people without proximity restrictions. The online world allows for a larger sense of community.
In addition I don’t know anyone who uses twitter as a substitute for friends. Many of the people I follow are REAL LIFE friends that I see on a weekly basis – twitter doesn’t replace the face-to-face interaction – and in many cases it enhances it. And as you can see by the video from this weekend – I’m not missing out on fun times with friends because I’m locked up in my room twittering. LOL! I only tweet when I am doing other things online – like homework – or sitting in class. :)
None of my twitter “friends” or I post sensitive and personal info on twitter so I can’t respond to that question. And as far as I can see – none of us use it for self-promotion either. It’s something to break up your day – much like other people watch TV or log onto FB. It’s something to do. Twitter is FUN and it makes me laugh. And for that reason – I’m going to continue doing it.
I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Personally if I’m having a bad day I try not to let anyone know it (for all I know, they don’t know it) I still smile, I still crack jokes, I am still my ever wonderful self.
After 3 or 4 days or a week I think the cracks start to show, but by then hopefully I’m ready to be normal again anyway.
Just because you feel down you don’t have to drag everyone else down and make them feel sorry for you as well, right?
Anyway, I hope your life picks up and you feel better soon =D
No matter who we are, I think we all put on facades now and then. After all, we are all human and we do what we have to do to get past the bad days (or weeks).
Those that insult you or chide you are doing what they need to do to feel better about themselves, too, they just aren’t as classy about it as you are!
Hang in there,it will bet better.
I relate to this post so much! I agree with you whole-heartedly. The fact that you smile, laugh and go out rather than stay curled up in your bed crying all of the time does not make you FAKE in the least. Emotions are important but we have to learn to control our emotions not let our emotions control us. There are days when all I want to do is wallow in my sadness, and I let it happen from time to time, but I refuse to stay in that state for long. I wrote a post on my blog called the sky is falling just a week ago so when I read your post I nearly jumped up and down at how well you described my feelings as well.