Once upon a time, far far over the rainbow, in the land of Oz there was a MAGENTA reading lamp (ya know – the color is like SO important) from IKEA (that’s part is like SO important too) sitting on the ever-so-sturdy and wide headboard of a bed (that is currently sporting white flannel sheets that have cute pink and magenta cherry blossoms on them.  Ah – precious!)

Well one night when the owner of said bed was tossing and turning because she couldn’t sleep, it came alive.  Oh yes.  ALIVE.  You see, normal, non-alive lamps don’t move.  But ALIVE lamps sprout magical legs and terrible senses of humor.  (No really you should hear the jokes they tell – not funny!)

At about 4:45am when all was quiet in the world and the bats and birds outside the lamp’s window hadn’t started SQUAWKING OUT OF CONTROL YET the lamp thought it would be funny to play a prank on the owner of the bed.  And yes I said bats.  They sound like cats fighting to the death – oh the joy.

Anywho – The lamp loved JUMPING into the flannel sheets because they’re PRETTY and the cherry blossoms really accentuate the magenta craptastic plastic – but because the owner was scared someone would notice her magical lamp had legs and take it away and dissect it like they did the ginormous squid in Wellington, NZ at the Te Papas Museum (poor ginormous squid)  –  the lamp agreed it would ONLY nose dive onto the bed when the owner of said bed was her ungraceful self and bumped the bed thereby making it APPEAR as if it were the owner’s fault the lamp “fell.”  Though YOU AND I know it didn’t fall, it JUMPED. 

Ok so that was a the-longest-sentence-EVAH and now let’s get back on track.  4:45am – quiet.  Owner of bed is sleeping.

Oopsie! The lamp – who WILL be donated for scientific research and subsequent dissection if it ever pulls this prank again – JUMPED from its resting place and LANDED ON MY FACE.  I mean – oops – the OWNER OF SAID BED’S FACE.  Not head – FACE.  Eyebrow bone to be exact. So not funny at 4:45am.

OH and then I went to school and I looked like death and the teacher said, “How are you feeling?” and I told her the truth which was that I’m SICK because I have a cold and can barely eat because my stomach feels like it does about an hour or so after you’ve discovered you’ve had bad sushi and all you want to do is vomit so you’ll feel better – OMGOSH TMI – (ok I ACTUALLY just told her I’m sick) and she asked if I’ve been to Mexico recently – and I assured her I do not have the swine flu but she said it would be better for everyone if I went home anyway.  So I did.