Ok so I’ve been in a funk lately – I admit it – I’m not denying it – I’m over it.  Mostly kind of.  What happened?  Enormously ginormous amounts of homework.  A trip to New Zealand.  More homework.  The beach.  More homework.  And then one of my “friends” went MIA for NO REASON GIVEN.  But it’s ALL GOOD.  Because I STILL don’t have a reason and he still isn’t talking to me.  It’s like “OMG I’m SO LUCKY!” [said in that annoying stop talking or I'll strangle you voice.]

BUT GUESS WHAT?  lucky you – I learned an important lesson in the process!!  (wait – lucky you?  YES.  Because I’m going to SHARE with you – because I’m cool like that – yo.)  BTW – My mom said, “True that” to me the other day.  And I said it would be even COOLER if she threw in a “yo” and she was like ok.  Blah blah blah – she waited just long enough so I wasn’t expecting it and then was like, “True that yo.”  And I LOLd til the cows came home – and by that I mean until I realized I shouldn’t be LOL-ing at midnight when my flatmates were trying to sleep.

Does it seem like maybe I’m a bit hyper?  It’s because I AM!  This is my 15 minute break from going crazy (translation: creating a powerpoint slideshow for tomorrow.)  SO …

Here’s what I learned.

1. NEVER, ever, ever, ever, EVER to the umpteenth degree allow a boy you are dating to know your blog address.
2. Never, ever (all of the above evers) allow a boy that you MIGHT date to know your blog address.
3. Never, (again above) allow a boy that is hot to know your blog address.
4. And (you know the drill) let any of his friends know either.

WHY?  Because if you are a girl like me – you get ANGRY and then NOT angry and then ANGRY and then NOT angry all of the time.  And you go from “What a DB” – to “D. A.   l.m.n.o.p. I’m not really mad at HIM I’m just mad that I liked him.”  And THEN you go, “Why did I like him?” and then you remember why you liked him and you go, “Ah – I REALLY liked him.” and then you go straight back to “What a DB” because this time you’re even more HURT but you’re ANGRY because you’re hurt and THEN you realize you’re not really mad because you’re HURT – you’re just mad because you’re mad and then you don’t want to be hurt because being hurt SUCKS so you get angry again.  And you do all of this in like TEN SECONDS!!!  AND THEN YOU REPEAT IT!!!

And if you’re like me you ALSO go back and forth between, “Ooh – I was a total be-otch and I can’t believe I said all of that crap because GUESS WHAT?  I didn’t really mean it.  I was just being defensive.”  And then you go, “Wait – but I was only being defensive because – who even SAYS THAT STUFF – WHAT A JERK!”

And it’s at this point that you go up two paragraphs to “what a DB” and start the cycle ALL OVER AGAIN.

But you can’t – and shouldn’t – post ANY OF THIS – if he possibly reads your blog.  But you know what?  I don’t think he reads it anymore.  So you know what I say?  Screw it.

And there you have it.  I met a guy that I actually liked enough to build a friendship with – 8,000 miles away- and he held my interest for TWO WHOLE MONTHS (which is like – well – it’s mother flippin’ impressive) AND I even cut back my dating habits – not because of him – but because I realized I don’t want to be a player anymore – and then POOF he disappeared.

And the worst part?  NORMALLY I’d just say, “Whatever – I have a date this weekend anyway – it doesn’t matter.”  But I don’t.  why?  Because I turned it down – just like I did last week.  And the week before.  And the week before.  And the week before.  I didn’t change for him.  I just changed.  And as much as going back to my old player ways would be a great distraction – I can’t.  Because I’ve changed.  I’m not a player anymore.  And you know what this means?  When Captain Charisma gets back in a week I’ll turn down that too.  I’m not sure what i’ve gotten myself into – but I hope I snap out of it soon.  This whole – not player thing – is overrated right?  Right?

Something in the back of my mind is saying “wrong.”  And no it is not you Crysta. ;) See I knew I would finally get it.  Thanks for having patience with me.  Now instead of wasting my time playing, playing like a playa, I can spend my time on myself doing cool stuff like shopping, painting, playing the piano, and baking cool foods like Martha Stewart.  I bet Martha Stewart never wasted time playing boys.  No, no, she was a cool nerd like me :)