Melancholy – sober thoughtfulness, gloomy state of mind, pensive reflection or contemplation.

What better way to inspire/encourage a little melancholy than to watch The Holiday on a bitterly cold, incredibly wintry night.  Sure it’s supposed to be a feel good, warm and fuzzy movie but when you connect with the characters – the one-sided love affair of Iris – the emotional unavailability of the jaded Amanda – it becomes more sobering than heart warming.  Instead of happy tears at the ending, you feel their prick when statements hit too close to home.

I’ve found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said “Journeys end in lovers meeting.” What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.

To have a journey end in a meeting one would have to be prepared to take a chance on the new joint venture/journey.  But not just ONE of the people – both have to.  That would require a lot of faith, optimism, and trust.  Is that even possible?

Because you’re hoping you’re wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she’s no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she’s not for you.

I understand this feeling all too well.  It’s the reason I stopped dating in January 2008 – I went on a boy fast/diet.  I made one too many excuses for one too many men.  I had to break away from it to establish clarity.

So why did I choose to watch this tonight?  Probably for the same reason I chose to skip all the weekend parties and spend a Friday night with my brother’s family instead (which that was delightful btw – homemade popcorn, wonderful company and a niece whose smile brightens up any room.)   There’s a lot going on in my world right now.  A lot of choices and a lot of changes.  I’m moving back to Sydney.  My life is chaotic – I have no interest in parties and superficial relationships in Utah.   I finally think I’m looking for something substantial and since that won’t be found here, I have no desire to waste my time – time that could be spent surrounded by people and animals that love me.  It feels good to be loved.  And it feels good to love in return.   And it feels good to have these priorities.