I used to get insomnia ALL of the time. And I mean ALL of the time. Sure it sucked but I dealt with it. It was my life – what else could I do?
It kind of went away when I moved to the land down under (which coincidentally was the same time I gave up gluten) and I announced myself as cured! YAY! I was officially free from my sleeping disorder (diagnosis made by the magic powers of Daisy’s mind.)
Then about 6 weeks ago the insomnia started again. I wonder if it could have anything to do with the bajillion things going on in my mind.
And then of course there’s this problem of HIM. Yes – HIM. My mind always drifts to HIM during the long hours at night when I want to sleep but can’t shut my mind down. OF COURSE I think about HIM when I have insomnia – he has it too. AND he’s never far from my mind. WHY??!!!???
Somewhere along the line he became an unconscious habit – one that I’m just barely recognizing. I had it under control when I was in Sydney. I very decidedly told myself that I was not allowed to think about him AT ALL and I was at least 80% successful. You see, he kind of almost broke my heart. And he WOULD have broken it but I kept that pretty under control too. I’d say I was at least 80% successful. 
Ok so about 3 weeks before I came home though, I FINALLY admitted to my BFF to the extreme, Crysta, and my mom that I still had feelings for him. AGH!!! I’m so dumb!!! And then of course now I’ve come back to memory lane. And everyone asks about him because of course they ALL knew about him before I left. I was completely at least 80% infatuated with him and at one point he was at least 80% infatuated with me in return. Oh and did I mention he just happened to live in Australia? WOW! Imagine that! (Full story coming soon.)
So everyone asks and that pushes him to the forefront of my mind – and ERR!!!
I guess today was just a little bit extra sucky because I went and saw all of my old coworkers who were there with me from the beginning of the infatuation. And of course they asked – they ALL asked about him – and even though I told them I was moving to Australia for SCHOOL and not a boy they all secretly hoped it would work out and conveniently forgot that he lost interest BEFORE I EVEN ARRIVED!!!! I reminded them of this tiny detail and they were like, “Oh yeah that’s right. So he didn’t regain interest when he saw you again?”
NOPE! AND THANK YOU FOR RUBBING IT IN!!!
Oh I can do nothing but laugh. My silly heart. It’s all good though, my thoughts of him now are nothing but wishes that he’s doing well and is happy. Ok that’s a lie – sometimes they’re a bit more complicated than that – sometimes they’re memories – or silly wishes. But for the most part, I don’t ever dwell. I just wonder what he’s up to and hope he has a smile on his face. 
Doesn’t it just suck when you think you know the game and then the rules change. Yeah, life is like that sometimes. Hang in there. Throw on your new Circus toons and forget about it.
jj
You are so right javajune !! Thanks for the comment – I think a little B. Spears may just do the trick today! :)
I just had 11hrs sleep. Not a record but impressive nonetheless. I’m pretty sure my 16hr patch of rest is the record.
And lols @ the song that began banging on the iPod plugged into my face; HEY! HEY! YOU! YOU! I DON’T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!
Oh, yes.
So…sometimes I purely write comments based off the posted comments, so it looks like I read the blog. So there!
WOW, It’s amazing how you deal with insomnia. I had a terrible sleep disorder before that I even panic and wake up in the morning with a really bad headache and that happened everyday for 3 months, I am just so thankful that I was able to revive my sleep.
It is funny when it suddenly hits you how raw you still are when you’ve been denying it all along… it’s like a big relief and a tremendous burden at the very same time to admit it.