First off – I can’t be bothered making this post butterflies and rainbows. It’s really late at night and guess what? You’re going to hear it like it is – are you excited? 
So there I was … La-di-da … in the bathroom, tinkling (lol – what a great word.) When whadayaknow – a COCKROACH THE SIZE OF ANTARCTICA crawls within INCHES OF MY TOES! I scream. Not a baby scream but a full blown scream with the addition of “[insert swear word] that’s a [insert swear word] big cockroach.” And then I pull my legs up so that I’m balanced on the toilet seat.
For the record, I try not to swear but when I’m stuck with my pants down tinkling on the toilet and a cockroach so large it should really be displayed in a museum comes within inches of my toes – well …it’s hard to maintain my general level of etiquette.
Am I exaggerating? Let’s be literal. Take your thumbs and place them together. Look at the width and length of your two thumbs together. That’s the literal size of the cockroach. Have you imagined that yet?? because if you have you may understand why I say that thing was the size of Antarctica!!! Now imagine that cockroach, that is literally the size of both of your thumbs put together, just caught you tinkling, with your pants down and no where to go.
I was in absolute terror. Seriously – what was I supposed to do?
So I stayed there precariously balanced on the toilet and attempted to herd it under the sink with the toilet brush – cringing in horror and disgust as it scuttled along. Amazingly, I jumped from the toilet into the shower and was able to get dressed AND wash my hands without ever having to touch the floor. The demon stayed under the sink and I DASHED to the kitchen for the bug spray. After putting down a 6 inch barrier of poison on the floor it was time for me to call it good.
I put the bug spray away and screamed again (though just a baby scream this time) when not more than seconds later I found the demon dying just outside the bathroom. It had crossed the line of poison already. I should have felt guilty at its death but it was headed in the direction of my bedroom and yeah …
My life gets better every second.
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Lol, I do something similar when I see a cockroach – I spray it with bug spray until it turns white from the spray. Only then am I sure that i’s dead.
I figure it must be more humane too cause the more spray I get on it the quicker it dies, right?
(ok, I just thought that last bit up but it could be true!)
Don’t know why it is but the roaches in the Eastern Suburbs are so much more bigger than the rest of Sydney.
Could be worse, could be a snake; you scream around one of them and its your ass.