Uptight diaries: Be wary of wisdom // Love the way you lie

Posted on August 31, 2010 by Daisy

Day 7 – Be wary of wisdom

THEY in their great wisdom used to preach to me.  They claimed to have all of the answers.  They promised to help me heal the scars from my trauma – all I needed to do was unconditionally forgive.

It makes sense – to be free of resentment, free from disappointment – a great recipe for peace!  I clung to the idea.

They also preached that taking control of your own life means you can never be hurt. YOU have the choice to NOT be hurt.  YOU have the choice to NOT take offense.  YOU give others the power to hurt you and you have the choice to take that power away.  What an empowering thought!!!

Following this logic, a relationship can’t ever be destructive if you are doing your part.

A beautiful idea.  A beautiful and deleterious idea.

Forgiveness – yes!  Letting go of resentment – yes!

I can forgive others for trying to hurt me.  I can prevent myself from feeling hurt.  I do not need to dwell on how I perceive others have wronged me.

But believing that my attitude ALONE will be the determining factor in the success of a relationship?  That I cannot do.

That would require super-human self control.  And expectations like that only burden one with unrealistic expectations.   Unrealistic expectations offer nothing more than the hope for permanent failure.

I am not perfect.  And I do not have the power to control a relationship on my own.  I must not be scared to terminate relationships where I am the only one taking responsibility for my actions.  I must not be scared to terminate relationships with people who can’t own up to their mistakes.  And I must not be scared to terminate relationships with perma-blamers/victims or liars.

After a month or two in Al-anon, I felt like a failure for even CONSIDERING to leave an emotionally abusive, overly aggressive alcoholic.  How DARE I!!!  What a cold heartless woman!  If only I would change my attitude I could be grateful for the relationship that was slowly destroying my soul.

Then one day a woman in Al-anon pulled me aside and said this,

“Honey, we’re not supposed to say things like this.  And I know I shouldn’t be saying this.  But you are young.  You have so much promise and a whole life ahead of you.  You don’t NEED this. You don’t need to love an alcoholic.”

I stared at her in shock.  She was going against every Al-anon principle I had learned!!  And then she continued,

“I’ve been in Al-anon for 25 years.  I promise you this is not a path you want to be on if you have the choice to leave.  You have no children.  You have no ties to him.  You don’t need to stay.”

And then she said the words that I will remember for the rest of my life:

“Relationships are a lot like shoes.  Sometimes they wear out and sometimes …” she paused, “sometimes hun, they never fit in the first place.”

Love the Way You Lie – Eminem feat Rihanna

Right click above and “save as” to download- or click on to hear the song.  I think it’s appropriate for our topic of discussion.

**Update**  Scoman said I’m very lucky to have met this woman – here is my reply:

You are so right!! I am lucky to have met her :) And even though it’s been almost 5 years since then … her words apply to all relationships – not just ones with alcoholics.

Sure – we should do all that we can to make a relationship work – but if the other person wants a free ride – or wants to take advantage of your trying – or wants to continually vilify YOU and keeps making you feel inadequate so that you are always blaming yourself for everything … well it’s those relationships that you need to end.

Posted in 06 - Self-Discovery, 11 - Bigger Picture | 3 Comments

Uptight Diaries 2-6 // Pic-a-Day returns

Posted on August 30, 2010 by Daisy

Journal Day 2 – I need to be Mindful, not necessarily more grateful

As I was about to hit “publish” on my last blog post I received a call.  Words heard.  Words said.  A degree of clarity reached.  It’s not gratitude that I am lacking – it’s mindfulness.  Mindfulness for myself.

Ignoring my feelings for 4 months hasn’t made them go away – instead it’s stripped me of my inner peace.  Funny that eh?  How you can’t be at peace with yourself when you’re giving your heart the silent treatment?  Ah well – this clarity will help.  This month I’ll be working on being mindful.


Journal Day 3 – I want to feel safe when I share my feelings

In an attempt to be more mindful, I shared feelings last night with a loved one rather than pretending the feelings didn’t exist.  I’ve been withholding my feelings because I felt I couldn’t talk about them – but withholding them hasn’t made them go away.

I shared this.

It backfired.

But I felt good that I shared my feelings.  :)  And I realized that I need to foster relationships where I feel safe when I share – and possibly work on or end those where I don’t.


Day 4 – Old patterns of behavior are not necessarily bad

Very often, it’s not difficult to slip back into old habits. What a blessing that can be!

We hear all of the time about the dangers of falling back into old patterns and habits.  In fact, I’ve heard it so many times I had never stopped to consider that this could actually be a good thing.  What if your old habits were healthy?

It has been refreshing over the past few days to see how easily it was for me to get my traffic patience back.  YAY for me!!!  It’s such a waste of energy to be frustrated while driving.  And so much easier to maintain inner peace when not interrupted by any form, however mild, of road rage.

Day 5 – What I want

I am attracted to people with strong identities.  I admire their character – or the fact that they have character.

I’d like to be surrounded by people who are real.  Genuine.  People who say what they mean and mean what they say.  People in touch with their feelings and who are true to themselves.

If I want this – I need to be this.

Yes – I’m definitely real.  And I already say what I mean and mean what I say – but I’m far from being true to myself.  Why?  Because I don’t know enough about myself to be true to me.

Day 6 – If SHE’s high strung – oh boy …

One of the women I admire most – not only for her inner and outer beauty but for her extreme patience and cool – said she’s been high strung lately.  Oh no – PLEASE TELL ME THAT MY UPTIGHTNESS IS NOT CONTAGIOUS!!  lol – ok ok – I know it has nothing to do with me – it’s a coincidence.  But seriously – if SHE – one of the most calm, cool and collected women I know – thinks SHE is high strung.  I must be in trouble!

OOORRRR maybe there’s hope for me.  :)

I am my own worst critic – and maybe I just need to chill out and stop being so hard on myself. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) omgosh – the paradox of it all!!

If it weren’t for the self-critiques I wouldn’t have discovered I need to chill out – yet the self-critiques prevent me from chilling out!!

HAHA!  Of course that’s the way it is.  :)  And btw – how cute are those girls up above?  They are such little bugs – I love them!

Ok – so I need to be more mindful – yes 100%  AAAANNNNDDD quite possibly if I chill out on the self-critiques – I might chill out in general.  :)


Posted in 02 - Photos, 06 - Self-Discovery | 5 Comments

Uptight Diaries

Posted on August 25, 2010 by Daisy

Uptight Diaries?  Oh yes – you read that correctly.  Tonight’s bloggity blog is a bit of an “anxious in an overly controlled kind of way” (that’s the definition of uptight in case you were wondering *hee hee*) confessional.

CONFESSIONAL??  Well, yes – unless the definition of confessional has changed in the last 60 seconds.  Wait … WHAT???  A confessional is strictly defined as being in front of a priest?  Ok – then FINE!  This is an “anxious in an overly controlled kind of way” synonym to a confessional.  :)  *whew!*

But Daisy!!  You’re not uptight! *BIG SMILE*  You’re a little flower blowing happily in the wind. *BIG SMILE*  Why would you need to write a diary in the form of a synonym to a confessional about being uptight?

Well – probably because I need to confess that I’ve been an uptight freak for the past few months!!!  OMGOSH!  I HATE IT!!

For those of you who have no idea what it’s like to be uptight (which I’m guessing is most of you because most bloggers are oh-so-coooool and easy-going *YAY!*) I’ll tell you what it’s like.

It’s like forgetting that the best parts of life are found in moments rather than results.  It’s having blinders on that prevent you from seeing with your heart.  It’s being on a road trip and forgetting to look out the windows as you drive through a beautiful tulip field because you’re LATE and you are too focused on your destination.

It’s what I like to call a big sucks.

As in it sucks big.  Big, big biggity big.  Bigger than the sucks of sitting in traffic – and honestly – sitting in traffic never used to bother me but NOW? OMGOSH ROAD RAGE!  So yeah – if it sucks more than that?  It’s a big sucks.

What happened?

I don’t know!  *Exasperation*

Darn this inconvenient uptightness!  If only I had been uptight sooner than I could have pinpointed the precise moment when I switched over to the dark side.  ;)  And THEN I could have mapped out an exact way to reverse my course of action and …hahahahaha …

But seriously – where was my uptightness when I needed it?  *wink!*

I don’t know how or when it happened.  I don’t know why either.  I only know that my attitude has changed.  And it needs to change back.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I think it’s time to really, like really for REAL, do a new gratitude/daily journal.  And maybe time to start my pic-a-day up again.  I need to nip this in the butt before I’ve turned into a nasty headmistress from some very imaginative children’s book.  Because once THAT happens?  It’ll be too late.  I’ll be immortalized in print.

So yeah – here’s to a month of introspection.  It’s time to rescue that happy flower before this summer heat WITHERS it into nothingness.

Posted in 06 - Self-Discovery, Attitude is everything, Confessions, Did I just admit that?, Happiness is a choice, Personal Reflection, When things don't feel quite right | 6 Comments

Hamburger Cupcakes!!!! And he helped me throw a doggy b-day party!!

Posted on August 19, 2010 by Daisy

EIGHTEEN MONTHS!!!

That’s how long it has taken me to finally attempt to make hamburger cupcakes (#59 on my 101 list).  I’ve wanted to – but then I was living in Australia, became gluten free, decided it was fun to make excuses and them BAM – I never did it.

The BF said “No more!” and insisted that it was time to make our very own hamburger cupcakes.  He’s been doing a lot of that lately.

So we did!  :)

Oh and btw … he’s been doing a lot of the helping me cross off my goals part, not the “no more!” part.

Aren’t they SOOOO cute???  :)

They’re made of white cake cupcakes, brownies, frosting, strawberries and LOVE!  ahhhh… how precious!  *gag*

They tasted pretty alright as well.  ;)  Here is my niece taking a bite out of one…

We made them for Duchess and Chloe’s FIFTH birthday!!! Can you believe they’re FIVE??  Me either. ;)  And I also can’t believe that I have the coolest boyfriend in the world who helped me plan a doggy birthday party!!!! :)

That’s right – my boyfriend helped me throw a doggy birthday party!!!!

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  He must heart me a lot.

omgosh – before I forget …

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUCHESS AND CHLOE!!!

8 months ago when I first met the BF and learned he is a neat FREAK (don’t worry baby – I love you anyway) I really worried that he wouldn’t get along with my girls and that we wouldn’t be able to live happily ever after.  I’m a package deal – insta-doggy-family.  And seriously they SHED SO MUCH HAIR IT’S UNBELIEVABLE – I couldn’t imagine him handling it well.

And I was right.  He didn’t.  BUT would it surprise you to learn that they ADORE him!!!  Question mark?  AAAANNNNDDDD They captured his heart too!! so NOW (with jumbo size lint rollers in every room and in every vehicle to help him become a lint roller operator extraordinaire) we can all be a super duper happy doggy family.  *ahhh – HEARTS!!!!*

OH!!!  I almost forgot to mention that The Bug turned 5 on the same day.  :)  Ah – my niece is such a cutie isn’t she?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUG!!!

And lucky us!!  Zack Attack (my nephew) was able to come and play as well :)

Speaking of playing – the BF was introduced into the Daisy Family Bocce Ball tournaments.  YAY!!  And he didn’t suck.  :)  *happy sigh* Have I mentioned how well he fits into my family?

*Another Happy Sigh*

More pictures and details coming soon.  :) xoxoxo ~Daisy

Posted in 01 - My Loves, 02 - Photos, 03 - Weekly Adventures | 7 Comments

Buttcheek sensors in cars?

Posted on August 18, 2010 by Daisy

Today all over the web are these articles about the new “buttcheek sensors”.   I couldn’t believe it.  ”WHAT? WHY  ARE THEY POSTING THAT EVERYWHERE – umm… every car is required to have one of these??!??”

And then I learned that outside of my little IM/SMS world the symbol (_!_) means tire pressure and NOT “fat @ss”.

Hmm – good to know.

Posted in 04 - Laughs | 5 Comments